Conservatives for Palin & civility: Fairly unbalanced

Palin: Flailin' Failin' and probably bailin'!

Palin: Flailin' failin' and probably bailin' -- a sign from the Hold Palin Accountable Rally, 27 Sep 2008, Anchorage, AK. Prophetic, too: she bailed 10 months later.

I don’t usually read Conservatives for Palin.  For one thing, I don’t have much use for unmitigated laudatoriness toward my former governor about whom I have all manner of reasons to be unfavorably impressed — her incessant untruth-telling, her vindictiveness, her Christianist/Dominionist views, her habit of quitting jobs half-done (though to tell the truth, I’m glad she quit as governor — Sean Parnell ain’t no superhero, but he’s a vast improvement over both his last two predecessors), & her speeches full of the same old tired conservative talking points over & over & over & over [yawn] again.  Oh yes, & let us not forget her famous 2 million dollar meme, which has the distinction of having led to the most popular post on my blog to date. [Ref #1] It also has a nice pie chart that I made, which I will take the opportunity to show off now.

Breakdown of costs to Alaska Personnel Board to investigate ethics complaints against Sarah Palin (chart)

The 2 million dollar meme pie chart, which I created to demonstrate what it cost the Alaska Personnel Board to investigate ethics complaints against Sarah Palin. Notice how 63% of costs were from Troopergate, including the "frivolous" ethics complaint Palin made against herself. Click through on the pie chart to get to my Flickr photostream, where it can also be viewed full-size.

It was with some bemusement, then, that I learned that on Sunday one of C4P’s bloggers took it upon himself to congratulate me for being one of those “with the courage to criticise [sic] those whose lives seem committed to a downward spiral of abusive tabloideeze about all things Palin.”

Why, sir! I do believe that you’re trying to coopt me!

The blog post, “Skinny White Sunday: Alaska Palm Pilot Rocks!” by Rich Crowther [Ref #2], was a sort of Sunday wrap-up of Palin-related news, which in this case included discussion of Phil Munger’s use of the word “slut,” for which I had criticized him. [Ref #3] Interestingly, Crowther said very little about my criticism of Phil, instead choosing to highlight comments I’d made at Phil’s post about Gryphen of Immoral Minority.  Also of interest was that while Crowther made use of the term Steve Aufrecht used in his post criticizing Phil for the same thing — Blogger Tourettes [Ref #4] — Crowther not only didn’t credit him, but even linked to another C4P post (critical of Phil) instead of to Steve’s post. [Ref #5] I’m sure there are a number of C4Pers who now think Crowther is oh-so-very-clever for coining a clever phrase that in fact he just snagged uncredited from another Alaska progressive blogger.

Here’s the relevant section of Crowther’s post.  All the stuff in green is him quoting me.  Links are as they appear in the original.

Mr M has recently been struck down by a bad case of Blogger Tourettes and the issue of the week over at his blog has been “to swear or not to swear”. Is it nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of Sarah Palin’s outrageous good fortune, or to cuss with aggressive, sexually charged, misogynistic language in trying to oppose that?

They accuse C4P of meddling in Alaskan affairs, but here’s what we don’t understand, how can it be more acceptable for those Eurozone sludgers Patrick Hogwash and Regina la Cochon Rose (at Palingates) to involve themselves in matters Alaska? How can it be appropriate to link to that bilious European blog? Huh?

Interestingly, reader, there are now some Alaska Bloggers (eg Mel@Henkimaa) with the courage to criticise those whose lives seem committed to a downward spiral of abusive tabloideeze about all things Palin:

“[I] think that Gryphen frequently goes over the top & over the line, especially with regard to Palin. (But not only with regard to her. For example, I was pretty sickened by his post a week or so ago about Lesil McGuire & Tom Anderson’s divorce.)”

“I’m not a Trig Truther — I have better things to do with my time than to scrutinize photos of her to see how big her ‘baby bump was’…”

“I don’t care if Gryphen is more worried about this than I am; my concern is mainly where his (or anyone else’s) interest might have a negative impact on the life of innocent people. (As with the more recent ‘Track Truther’ rumor, which questions the facts of Track’s parentage — never mind the impact such reckless rumor-mongering might have on the lives of Track or the family of the supposed ‘real’ father. I think it’s Palingates where I’ve seen this stuff.)”

“I think that Doogan was wrong for outing her [Jeanne Devon]. I think the language Jeanne has used to cut him down is frequently insulting, but not as deeply so as Phil’s slut slur. I think that a lot of Alaska progressive bloggers are just participating in the general level of political incivility that is part of the general culture now.”

“I do have a problem with personal attack & demeaning insult… On that basis too I have lots of problems with Immoral Minority. I have often felt that Gryphen is so caught up in his dislike of Palin that he goes overboard in seeking out things to criticize her about, even on slow Palin news days. I often feel he goes over the top & over the line.”

“Gryphen’s blog, to my eyes, is one of the biggest offenders in the ‘gratuitous insult’ & ‘criticize for the sake of criticism’ category that the Alaska lefty blogosphere has to offer.”

The person who wrote all that is no admirer of C4P, far from it, but she is certainly the first liberal blogger in Alaska to address openly and honestly the very real problems which some of the leftist bloggers have – not least in the way in which they have been supporting those reaching beyond decency in their sometimes color-blind desperation to build a conspiracy… any conspiracy. [Ref #2]

I appreciate that Mr. Crowther was kind enough to point out that I’m “no admirer of C4P, far from it,” and also to recognize that I’m a she, not a he (since I sign a lot of posts with my nickname Mel, some people erroneously assume that I’m male).  But I also noticed that Mr. Crowther was very careful to take my comments out of their context, particularly to omit anything I said that was critical of Palin or her followers, even if it was part of the same sentence or comment that he elected to quote, or complimentary to any Alaska progressive blogger.   Since Mr. Crowther never linked to the post where my comments were made, it also made it that much more difficult for any C4P reader to check the quotes & place them in context. The result is to give a very unbalanced representation of my views — perhaps in tribute to that favorite news source of conservatives, Fox News: fairly unbalanced.

So here I am to restore the balance of what I was saying.

The most egregious example was Mr. Crowther’s first quotation of my words:

“[I] think that Gryphen frequently goes over the top & over the line, especially with regard to Palin. (But not only with regard to her. For example, I was pretty sickened by his post a week or so ago about Lesil McGuire & Tom Anderson’s divorce.)”

“I’m not a Trig Truther — I have better things to do with my time than to scrutinize photos of her to see how big her ‘baby bump was’…”

“I don’t care if Gryphen is more worried about this than I am; my concern is mainly where his (or anyone else’s) interest might have a negative impact on the life of innocent people. (As with the more recent ‘Track Truther’ rumor, which questions the facts of Track’s parentage — never mind the impact such reckless rumor-mongering might have on the lives of Track or the family of the supposed ‘real’ father. I think it’s Palingates where I’ve seen this stuff.)” [Ref #2]

Here, typos and all, i’s the portion of my comment on “PA’s Palin Poll – Another Critical View by Another Close Friend” [Ref #6](which was a crosspost of Steve Aufrecht’s post “Blogger Tourettes”) from which Mr. Crowther was selectively quoting.  (Note: all the quotes Mr. Crowther made of my words were from my comments to that same post.):

You ask,

Do you support “Gryphen” (Jesse Griffin) (http://theimmoralminority.blogspot.com/)? Have you read his stuff? What do you think? He may be hung up about Palin’s child’s birth certificate. What do you think about Palin’s kid’s birth certificate? Do you think the birth certificate is a fraud?

I answered about Immoral Minority in my comment immediately prior to your comment. Yes, I read it. Sometimes I appreciate it. Sometimes I don’t. As I said above, I think that Gryphen frequently goes over the top & over the line, especially with regard to Palin. (But not only with regard to her. For example, I was pretty sickened by his post a week or so ago about Lesil McGuire & Tom Anderson’s divorce.)

As for Palin’s kid’s birth certificate — how would I know if it’s a fraud? I’ve never seen it, nor has anyone that I know, since Palin has never released it. It would be nice if she would, because then maybe it would put to rest all the Trig Truther stuff. That she hasn’t released it might indicates that either

(1) she thinks it’s nobody’s business, even though she’s brought Trig & the manner of his birth so much into the public spotlight that she’s made it other people’s business; and/or

(2) she for some reason thinks it serves her interests to keep the Trig Truther rumors alive by not putthing a quash to them once & for all with a disclosure of the birth certificate; and/or

(3) one or more of the claims she has circulated about Trig & the circumstances of his birth is a lie.

Maybe all three. I’m not a Trig Truther — I have better things to do with my time than to scrutinize photos of her to see how big her “baby bump was” — but her tale of the long plane rides from Texas to Anchorage after her water broke certainly seems suspect. And if true, certainly demonstrates her irresponsibility.

I don’t care if Gryphen is more worried about this than I am; my concern is mainly where his (or anyone else’s) interest might have a negative impact on the life of innocent people. (As with the more recent “Track Truther” rumor, which questions the facts of Track’s parentage — never mind the impact such reckless rumormongering might have on the lives of Track or the family of the supposed “real” father. I think it’s Palingates where I’ve seen this stuff.) [Ref #6, comment at 6:24 PM]

Notice how Mr. Crowther carefully leaves out the context of my criticism of Palin’s own behavior with regard to Trig, including the famous account of the “my water broke & then I endangered the life of my child by taking a long journey from Texas so my child could be born in Alaska” airplane trips. And then even a drive from Anchorage to Wasilla.  Oh please.  Notice how he makes me seem even more critical of Gryphen than I am by omitting what I say about sometimes appreciating his blog.

From the same comment at Progressive Alaska, Mr. Crowther quotes this:

“I think that Doogan was wrong for outing her [Jeanne Devon]. I think the language Jeanne has used to cut him down is frequently insulting, but not as deeply so as Phil’s slut slur. I think that a lot of Alaska progressive bloggers are just participating in the general level of political incivility that is part of the general culture now.” [Ref #2]

The full context of that portion of the comment:

What about Devon cutting down Mike Doogan, over and over again, for identifying her?

I think that Doogan was wrong for outing her. I think the language Jeanne has used to cut him down is frequently insulting, but not as deeply so as Phil’s slut slur. I think that a lot of Alaska progressive bloggers are just participating in the general level of political incivility that is part of the general culture now. I think I’ve done so at times myself, & I’m trying to do better. But I also think the incivility & attack language is routinely far worse & more virulent on the right. I’m still appalled that Palin nominated to be attorney general someone like Wayne Anthony Ross, who has a long history of demeaning the personhood of people with whom he disagrees.

But that’s just the humble opinion of a “lima bean.” [Ref #6, comment at 6:24 PM]

Alaskans might remember that during a confirmation hearing before the Alaska House Judiciary Committee, Wayne Anthony Ross compared lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transsexual/transgender Alaskans to “lima beans,” a vegetable he “hates” but would still “represent” if he was hired to be the advocate for “United Vegetable Growers.” [Ref #7] That’s on top of other slurs he’s used, not only against LGBT Alaskans [Ref #8] but also against victims of domestic violence and sexual assault, as I detailed in a letter I wrote to members of the Alaska Legislature last April. [Ref #9] But, gotta make sure that Palin supporters don’t see any of my criticism of Palin’s disastrous & embarrassing choice of WAR — embarrassing especially because the Alaska Legislature resoundingly rejected her poor choice for attorney general [Ref #10] — not exactly a high point for Palin’s record as governor of Alaska. Better not remind Palin fans of that, or anything else I said that might remind them of embarrassing truths about Palin — which may well be one reason that Mr. Crowther didn’t link to the post where my comments were originally made.

Y’think?

Mr. Crowther also chose to ignore my later comment, in which I retracted & corrected the error I made in describing Jeanne Devon’s posts about Alaska State Representative Mike Doogan:

On the other item — Jeanne Devon of the Mudflats coming down on Doogan for removing her anonymity — I’ve got to revise my earlier answer.

Earlier I wrote that “I think that Doogan was wrong for outing her. I think the language Jeanne has used to cut him down is frequently insulting, but not as deeply so as Phil’s slut slur.” Now, having gone through her blog for stuff she’s said about Doogan, I must correct myself to say that I only once found her actually “insulting” him, but not directly. To the extent she did so, it was in reporting on the fact that Doogan was among those legislators whose name was apprearing on little flags put in dog poo in Juneau, such that he had attained the nickname “Doo Doo Doogan.” I.e., she was reporting on an insult others had dreamed up, not originating it. Mudflats is actually one of my favorite blogs to read, because Jeanne is witty & creative in her writing; & seldom if ever lowers herself to engage in ad hominem attacks.

I’ve met her only a couple of times, once at the True Diversity Dinner where she took my picture with Brian the Moose. It hasn’t appeared on her blog though. 🙁 [Ref #6, comment at 11:48 PM]

Jeanne wrote me privately to thank me for making the correction, & also told me where she had in fact posted the pic of me with Brian the Moose (about halfway down: I’m the one in orange between Republican Gomorrah author Max Blumenthal and Air America’s Richard Green).  Could Mr. Crowther’s ignoring this have anything to do maybe possibly perhaps maybe have something to do with the fact that Palin fans also don’t like Jeanne, whose blog The Mudflats is one of the principal blogs that brought the attention of non-Alaskans to what a dangerously unqualified candidate Palin was for vice president?  How nice to be able to coopt the comments of a liberal blogger like me to put her down!  How inconvenient that I later corrected my incorrect remarks!  How convenient for Mr. Crowther that all he had to do to keep most C4P readers ignorant of my correction was by simply not mentioning it!

Mr. Crowther next quoted from the very first comment I made that mentioned Gryphen:

“I do have a problem with personal attack & demeaning insult… On that basis too I have lots of problems with Immoral Minority. I have often felt that Gryphen is so caught up in his dislike of Palin that he goes overboard in seeking out things to criticize her about, even on slow Palin news days. I often feel he goes over the top & over the line.” [Ref #2]

My full comment:

Anonymous @ 3:40 PM asked,

I wonder if those who are complaining about Phil’s poll also take the same critical look at blogs such as The Immoral Minority where the criticism of Palin runs along the same lines and I see plenty of expletives and worse.

I don’t have a problem with expletives exactly (the f-word for example, which I occasionally use myself); I do have a problem with personal attack & demeaning insult — which is the main basis upon which I criticized of Phil’s poll. On that basis too I have lots of problems with Immoral Minority. I have often felt that Gryphen is so caught up in his dislike of Palin that he goes overboard in seeking out things to criticize her about, even on slow Palin news days. I often feel he goes over the top & over the line.

Your other examples (Keith Olbermann, Jesse Jackson, MLK, Kennedy) all involved personal private relationships that (1) I don’t know enough about to judge & (2) had nothing to do with any of those people’s presentations in public discourse. You’re comparing apples & oranges. I do look unfavorably on people abusing their power in sexual relationships & also when they violate their agreements (such as vows of fidelity) with their partners or spouses. But it’s up to the people they have those agreements with to hold them accountable, not me — since I don’t know exactly what their agreements were; nor do I know whether or not whatever Olbermann did actually violated the consent of any of his sexual partners.

Obviously Phil has no obligation to explain anything unless he really wants to. Seems like Phil wants to. Isn’t that what he just said in crossposting this? [Ref #6, comment at 4:12 PM]

In this case, Mr. Crowther’s selective quote served to leave out my the qualification of what I was criticizing Phil for, or the fact that I don’t really give that much of a shit about expletives.  (See? I just used one.)  But this wasn’t as bad a selective quotation as some of his others.

Mr. Crowther’s final quote of my words:

“Gryphen’s blog, to my eyes, is one of the biggest offenders in the ‘gratuitous insult’ & ‘criticize for the sake of criticism’ category that the Alaska lefty blogosphere has to offer.” [Ref #2]

What I said in that comment in full, in which I was replying to an anonymous conservative commenter who took exception to me saying that despite my criticisms of Gryphen’s blog, I still liked him & read his blog:

Anon @ 10:08 AM —

“Be it known that while I think he frequently goes over the top & over the line on his blog, I still like him & I still read his blog — I just wince a lot.”

Translation for non-leftists.” This guy says stuff I would find hateful and vile on right-wing sites but because he’s one of ours I’ll go along with it.”

For the Left, convictions mean nothing and the end always justifies the means.

I guess you haven’t been reading, Anon. I’ve been calling loudly & persistently ever since Phil posted his “slut” remarks & poll for progressive bloggers to refrain from demeaning insults, & to stop excusing their use of them by the hypocritical justification that “the right does it so we can too.”

Gryphen’s blog, to my eyes, is one of the biggest offenders in the “gratuitous insult” & “criticize for the sake of criticism” category that the Alaska lefty blogosphere has to offer.

But that doesn’t, nor has it ever, meant that I have tossed him on the garbage heap. He’s like a brother whose uglier language I abhor. But however much I abhor his language, that doesn’t’ mean he ceases from being my brother. Same for Phil.

But back to the question of hypocrisy: I have said a number of times that lefties are behind hypocritical when they justify their incivility & ugly language against righties because “the right does it to us.”

Unsurprisingly, almost all of the right wing commenters who have commented on this issue on Phil’s blog over the past few days, including you, are using the same hypocritical strategy: you continually show up, usually in anonymous guise, to gripe at lefties for being uncivil & using “hateful and vile” language, while never once condemning the hateful & vile language from your own side.

So rail as much as you like, but your arguments will continue to have no merit until you stop behaving with such hypocrisy. [Ref #6, comment on February 11 at 10:37 AM]

Better not let C4P readers know that I was also criticizing rightwingers for their “hateful and vile” language — which, in fact, occurs with some frequency in comments at C4P.

In fact, the post Mr. Crowther linked to when he borrowed Steve Aufrecht’s term “Blogger Tourettes” without so much as mentioning Steve was to his own February 6 post critical of Phil’s first post where he referred to Palin as a “slut.”  Comments on that post were rife with “hateful and vile” language.  And also a commenter called Kjanlady suggesting,

Kjanlady: Can we get his address and post it on the web….along with a picture of him, his house, and the car he drives? ) [Ref #5, comment 02/08/2010, 09:26:54]

Though I credit two other commenters, the first a couple of hours after the suggestion was made, the other by Rich Crowther himself the following day, for saying no to this idea —

section9: No. We don’t do that crap. Much as we’d like to, Philip Munger is a pathetic assclown who, despite his efforts to destroy Sarah Palin, is a private citizen. [Ref #5, comment 02/08/2010, 11:20:51]

Rich : I have the impression that Kjan. is probably making a sarcastic reference to the way in which Palingates published personal information about two former C4P contributors recently.

For the record, Mr Munger is a private citizen whose privacy must be respected.

My post sought to challenge his use of language as a blogger. Implicit in that is the hope that he might re-think his approach to blog posting, and be less deliberately inflammatory when he next writes critically about Governor Palin. [Ref #5, comment 02/09/2010, 01:26:31; emphasis added)

But, for the record, not before someone apparently decided to take Kjanlady up on her suggestion, as reported by Phil shortly after she made it.  (Though of course no one has actual proof that the men taking photos of Phil’s house & car were C4P readers, because they skedaddled on out of there as soon as they realized Phil had seen them.)

None of this is to say that Rich Crowther or anyone else at C4P is wrong for calling upon Phil or Gryphen on anyone else to be less inflammatory when they write about Palin, or about anyone else.  But notice how seldom they call upon their own side to use less inflammatory language.  Same hypocrisy I was decrying throughout the discussion of civility.  As, for example, when I wrote last week,

It’s clear that just as much on the left as on the right, too many people are willing to excuse their “own side” for employing the same tactics that they condemn the “other side” for. [Ref #3]

Same hypocrisy I was decrying when I wrote — in that last comment Mr. Crowther selectively quoted from —

But back to the question of hypocrisy: I have said a number of times that lefties are behind hypocritical when they justify their incivility & ugly language against righties because “the right does it to us.”

Unsurprisingly, almost all of the right wing commenters who have commented on this issue on Phil’s blog over the past few days, including you, are using the same hypocritical strategy: you continually show up, usually in anonymous guise, to gripe at lefties for being uncivil & using “hateful and vile” language, while never once condemning the hateful & vile language from your own side.

So rail as much as you like, but your arguments will continue to have no merit until you stop behaving with such hypocrisy. [Ref #6, comment on February 11 at 10:37 AM]

That, in particular, is a message that Mr. Crowther’s selective quoting of my comments left out.

Now, since I don’t typically read C4P, it’s possible that I have missed such condemnation from Mr. Crowther or other conservative bloggers there of the hateful & vile language that so often comes out of the mouths or keyboards of C4P readers and other conservatives & Palin fans.  If so, please point them out to me in comments, & I will stand corrected.  I ask that you please refrain from namecalling as you do so.

Meantime, I’ve got to say that it turns out there’s a whole lot of work to restore fairness & balance to the record when C4P writes about one in laudatory terms.  I wonder if Rich Crowther will still think I have “courage” after he’s read this post.  It’s nice to be called courageous, sure, but even better is to be coopted represented honestly and in context.

References

  1. 7/7/2009. “The 2 million dollar meme” by Melissa S. Green (Henkimaa).
  2. 2/14/2010.  “Skinny White Sunday: Alaska Palm Pilot Rocks!” by Rich Crowther (Conservatives for Palin).
  3. 2/8/2010. “Progressive bloggers on Palin: Civility versus namecalling” by Melissa S. Green (Henkimaa).
  4. 2/10/2010. “Blogger Tourettes” by Steve Aufrecht (What Do I Know?); crossposted as “PA’s Palin Poll – Another Critical View by Another Close Friend” at Progressive Alaska.
  5. 2/6/2010. “Foul Mouthed Alaska Democrat In New Low” by Rich Crowther (Conservatives for Palin).
  6. 2/10/2010. “PA’s Palin Poll – Another Critical View by Another Close Friend” — crosspost at Progressive Alaska of Steve Aufrecht’s post “Blogger Tourettes”.
  7. 4/14/2009. “Anti-WAR letter: Opposing Wayne Anthony Ross” by Melissa S. Green (Henkimaa).
  8. 4/15/2009. “WAR’s antigay letter to the Alaska Bar Association, 1993” by Melissa S. Green (Henkimaa).
  9. 4/16/2009. “WAR goes down! 23 yeas, 35 nays!” by Melissa S. Green (Henkimaa).
  10. 2/8/2010. “Midwinter Snow Pictures – and a Comment on C4P Meddling – Updated” by Phil Munger (Progressive Alaska).
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The Daily Tweets, 2010-02-15: One of my favorite books!

  • Solitaire by Kelley Eskridge

    Solitaire by Kelley Eskridge, one of my all-time favorite books

    RT: @BJMuntain: RT @Buffyandrews “I love being a writer. What I can’t stand is the paperwork.” –Peter De Vries #

  • Yay, I have a Solitaire by @kelleyeskridge again, yay! My previous copy got misplaced, good to have it again. One of my fave books! #fb #
Posted in LGBTQA writers, The Daily Tweets | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on The Daily Tweets, 2010-02-15: One of my favorite books!

Progressives, civility, & Palin: Anatomy of an apology

Or rather, an apology that tried to be an apology, but fell down on the job.

PA's apology to Palin

Phil Munger of Progressive Alaska apologizes to Palin: A classic example of an apology that is not an apology.

I took this screenshot just 44 seconds before Phil’s poll closed — lucky for me, because I didn’t want to directly advertise the results of a poll that I found offensive from the get-go.  Note that Phil has since changed the title of his post to simply “PA’s Apology to Sarah Palin” after a commenter pointed out that “the liquor gig isn’t until April.”

Here’s why Phil’s attempt at apology doesn’t actually do the job:

Dear Ms. Palin,

Last week, I wrote a column at my blog, then posted a poll there, both of which used the term “slut” toward you in a demeaning, offensive way.

The column headline was sexist. The poll limited options for voters to having to choose whether one thought you to be a saint or slut. I’m sure you regard yourself to be neither, so the poll was more offensive than the earlier headline had been.

So far so good.  All, in my opinion, completely accurate.  I could further add that a good many commentators on Phil’s blog & on my own, where I first criticized Phil for his poll last week, also did not find either of these forced choices to be accurate — no matter how much they dislike Palin or the views she espouses.  Not to mention that many women, myself included, find use of the word slut problematic no matter to whom it is applied, given the historical use of that word as a way to demean & control women in general.

But still, to that point the apology was doing its job.  Then it fell down:

The poll is still active.

If one has committed an offense, & is still actively committing the offense, in what sense is the apology an apology?  Answer: it isn’t one.

Rather than dilute this apology, I might expand on why I was so upset in a later letter.

No need to dilute the apology further anyway: it’s already ceased to be an apology. The poll is still active.  At the moment of this writing, one can still visit Phil’s blog & see its results.

Though it’s a good impulse to separate the “why I said it” from the apology itself.  I think a lot of us would like to know why Phil was that upset.  But apologies are best undiluted by any excuses or attempts to rationalize the wrong.

Or not.

I’m truly sorry.

Phil Munger

Funny thing is, I think that Phil truly is sorry, truly does believe he was wrong to put up the poll.  Just not sorry enough to take it down.

I thought the original title of Phil’s post — “PA’s Apology to Sarah Palin on the Eve of Her $$$100K Appearance Before the National Liquor Sellers’ Convention” — was a red flag too.  Apologies that attempt to present mitigating circumstances or rationalizations for the offense aren’t really apologies.  Save the explanations for later, after the real apology has been made.

Apologies aren’t easy.  Some people seem to believe that if they make a full & true apology for wronging someone they are strongly opposed to, that they’re somehow letting the person they’ve wronged win on every other count.  Well, no.  In November, I found myself having to apologize for misconstruing something Palin & her ghostwriter said in her book.  My apology doesn’t put her on the side of what is true and honest.  My apology is me doing my best to keep me honest.  But there’ve been plenty of times in my life when I’ve been unable to make honest apology for a long time, because sometimes it takes a long time to even admit I’ve done wrong.

Phil, maybe now’s not the time.  Having read comments on your blog, seems that some of your defenders don’t think you should even apologize at all.  I obvi0usly disagree, but in the end I guess it’s a matter between you & your own conscience.

The conversation since Phil first used the word slut to describe Palin, & since he put up his poll, has now appeared on at least four blogs & lots of comments to those blogs.  For anyone who wants to play catch up, here they are:

Update 5:00 PM

Phil has now taken down the offensive poll (because “it was over”), & has written a second apology post, this time apologizing for those of his readers including me who found his use of the term “slut” offensive.  I’ve added the post to the list above.

I’m not overly fond of his other term for Palin, which he uses in the title of this post — “PA’s Apology to Readers Who Were Offended by PA’s Use of a Controversial Term for the Crazy Woman” — but I can live with his use of it.  I appreciated his post: he’s clearly been reconsidering things in light of criticism — not only from me & Steve, but also other’s of his readers.  He ended the post,

Anyway, for the time being, I’m going to try to clean up my language at PA. I think that both Steve and Mel are right in sensing that use of overly derisive terms puts some off who would otherwise appreciate what I write here.

Thanks to everyone who commented either pro or con on how I termed Palin, and on the poll.

And to those who were offended, I really am sorry.

Thanks, Phil. As one of those offended, I accept your apology.  I also really appreciate the respect & consideration with which you’ve treated my criticisms over the past week.

Meantime, I have been privately informed about a post at the Conservatives for Palin (C4P) site which has taken it upon itself to congratulate me for being one of those “with the courage to criticise those whose lives seem committed to a downward spiral of abusive tabloideeze about all things Palin.” And then demonstrating my “courage” by selectively quoting from a number of my comments over at Phil’s blog, being very careful to exclude any of the numerous things I said in those comments that were in any way critical of Palin or her followers.   I’ll be writing a post later to correct the imbalance.  (At least they had the courtesy to recognize that I’m not a C4P fan, & also to notice that I’m a she not a he — since I sign my comments Mel, I’m sometimes mistakenly assumed to be male.)

I’ve also taken a bit of criticism for being “holier than thou,” “sanctimonious,” & “self-righteous,” & for some other stuff too complex to go into right now for how I’ve conducted myself during the course of these discussions.  I’ve appreciated Phil’s self-examination in his second apology post today; I feel it’s only fair to do my own.  So I’ll be writing one of those later too, in the next couple of days.  Thanks.

Posted in Alaska politics | Tagged , , , , , , | 11 Comments

Alaska Love Poem

Black spruce & Chugach Mountains

Valentine’s Day. One of the stories Julia O’Malley included in her Anchorage Daily News Valentine’s Day piece about love stories was that of a woman at a florist shop, who purchased $200 worth of flowers. When the shop clerk asked who she wanted to write the accompanying card out to, the woman replied, “To me. With love, from me.”

In 1984, during my troubled early twenties, I fell in love with a friend of mine.  This poem was written to her.   But it’s especially a poem about how I came to love myself, & to give up my former self-hatred.

Alaska Love Poem

For L.

If I thought I had let go, I did not.
It was hidden only, riding low,
deep in the labyrinth of my soul.
But now I play the waiting game:
the labyrinth dissolves — soon my heart
will have courage to speak to you —

I practice here now.

I

Just past the longest day last year —
but the nights were still bright with the light of the sun
until very late.
And we met on the dancefloor where the music played loudly,
we danced where the fan blew our sweat down to coolness,
we danced when the others fell off the floor
in exhaustion.

Then another told me your words of me —
that I could hold my place in the song
as long as could you.
And when next in the noisy rhythm,
the loudness of the soap opera bar,
we moved our bodies to the beat —
I opened my eyes to your movement and knew
that my heart could open in such a way still,
and the protest of my mind and fear
could not dampen the joy that rose above
the smoke from so many nostrils.
Still alive! — I could feel this
for one, for you, the love, the hope
I thought had forsaken me —
dropped dead in the post with the letter
that at last said goodbye to one far away.

The woman can hurt me as no man can,
so far all that time in this country
I counted only men friends, too afraid
to end the pain of my long loneliness.
I clung like a fool to she who was past,
who I could not touch, not in my dreams.
I let go of her, at last, to find
myself face to face with you.

But our eyes were all drawn to the woman who died
a month later.
We gathered and mourned, and her loss sealed us all
in a friendship blessed by remembrance, then more.

In those days my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth
like thick peanut butter.
I sought like one possessed, obsessed,
in the bar, in the smoke, the music, the dance,
the hope of you there within it.

But my tongue now cut out — I bought you a rose,
cut the thorns off — I
would give you no bitterness, no — just the rose —
clean-stemmed — its thorns
cast away, like my voice.

In my silence I uttered no protest when
I saw how you spent time with her.
My friend also she was, and is, and I
said nothing when she told us that
you loved one another,
that you were together — I
said nothing.

But deep inside I screamed as though
my life were being taken from me.

I knew I’d survive.
This I’ve gone through before.
And I heard her say it with some relief.
I taught myself that it was due
to my leaving, how I did not want to be
tied down when another place called me.
But the deeper truth I well knew, that my
relief in spite of the pain was due
to the knowledge of how now I need not dare
to be brave, to tell what I felt to you.

For I know quite well how to hide.
This game is mine, conceived of shame,
the shame I somehow grew up with.
To hide, and to no one show what’s inside,
this deep confusion and maze of myself,
disbelief at my right to exist — or to
love a woman — such as you.

II

A year passed.  I was doing a dance with death.
I can’t count the times, the times, the times
you both rescued me from that fixation.
Just someone to talk with, just someone to hear,
just someone to witness the tears, the tears
that had drowned me for so many years.

You both were important to me.
I did not know always why.
I left but came back because I knew
that something awaited me here.
As if by merest accident,
I came upon some faith —
I felt I was on the brink
of some vast realization
that would make life bearable for me.

She told me the way from my troubles
was to find the right woman for me.
But I knew that the warm old wool
of my anguish could not be unraveled
by pulling another under my blanket,
a lover to suffocate with me.

I wanted to breathe — not stale old air,
not the air of my bell-jar depression, not
the smoky air of the soap-opera bar —
but to breathe, fresh and clear and new,
to inhale the mountains, the sky, and the sea,
and to know that someone shared in this breathing,
someone who wanted to explore
what it means to have life — with me.

But the noose around my neck was tight.
I was my own hangman, adjudged guilty by
the interrogator inside, who did not
recognize the existence of innocence.

III

Do I believe I am to die,
my last words to be spoken to you? — or is this
an instinctive necessary step,
one step closer to liberation
from this lonely cell on death row?

You are tired, but you sit with the patience
that only my friends can muster.
I am afraid, I cannot meet your eyes.
Each word is an effort of all of my body.
This one sentence takes whole minutes to say,
whole hours, it takes my whole lifetime:

I am . . . in love . . . with you.

When I have said it you ask me
how long I have held this hidden.
Its history I repeat to you,
puncuated with tears, aeons of fear,
despair so much older than only a year.

It is only a year that I tell you…
but in lifetimes past I have ever been
ashamed of my desire,
ashamed of my lust for life,
convicted by the illusion that
I was not worthy of it.

I sentenced myself to whole lifetimes
of wandering lost in the labyrinth,
suffocating on stale smoky air
I had breathed countless times before.
And for what crime?  The simple fact
that I was afraid to love.

IV

Some nights later we went to the soap opera bar.
There, without warning, the fear came upon me.
I stood unmoved by the noise of the dancefloor —
all its rhythm was but a dull thumping —
I stared, transfixed, at the terror within
and deeper and deeper the maze sucked me in,
it swallowed me whole with a terrible grin.

When we went home my body moved to the car,
but my mind and my soul were locked into the hellhole.
The butcher knife beckoned, its sharp gleaming called.
I wanted to cut the hole in my belly,
the empty chunk of unreasonable pain —
to slice through skin and muscle and tissue,
to kill the demon, even if
my murder would be accomplished with it.

I cried in the dark for someone to save me,
to come to my aid.  But I knew that you could not.
Not you, not her — you both had tried
too many times before.
We all knew that.  What I must face
here, in this last confrontation,
I must face alone.

Never before would I have believed
there existed such utter loneliness.
All that there was in the universe
was me, alone, agony, me —
no care, no hope, no love, no reprieve…
no reprieve but the butcher knife.

My hands tight on each other, they thrusted
my thoughts through my belly.  Had they
held not just thoughts, but violent steel
reality, stabbing — had they held the knife…
then the rug I had countless times soaked with my weeping,
this my bed between couch and coffee table,
would have been my final bed, my deathbed,
brown shag stained dark with my red blood.

But the butcher knife was in the kitchen.
That alone saved me — the distance to me
from the right-hand drawer, the second one down —
only that distance prevented the living
blade from sheathing itself in my guts…
in a tangle on your living room floor,
I fell to a drunken slumber.

V

I woke numb, glad to find that you both still slept.
I could bear to see no one, too full of remorse
and shame at what I had put my friends through,
how I had tortured myself.
Too certain that it would happen again.
It always had before.

I escaped to the grey day,
the dull routine of a mundane life,
hopeless resignation.

I’m not sure what it was I waited for.
Some escape, some release,
a saviour to cart me away
the next time, the ambulance, DOA….

VI    (Arctic Valley)

Remember the day we hiked Arctic Valley?
You, me, and two dogs —
one which you lost and found over the hill —

so did freedom find me.

How we climbed, our legs straining, over the city.
We sat at the summit, the world at our feet.
We ate in the high place where ancients saw god….

The way back down was more difficult yet:
it was steep, we used muscles we normally didn’t.
Our legs shook like the legs of delirium tremens…
but peace found them again when they found flat ground —

so did peace find me.

Slowly as the slow dawn
of the sun on an autumn morning
I awoke from my delirium.
Nine years to recognize my healer —

so did life find me.

Day followed day, the old stream of time,
just the same as before.
But each day I saw the mountains change —
one day growing gold in the afternoon sun —
one day dusted white by the season’s first snow —
one day touched by clouds as soft as white roses —
I could see them and breathe them and touch them and feel them.
Each day I saw the mountains change —

so did change find me.

VII

Things about me have changed.
Not in what I feel for you —
I find that I still do love you.
I also find that where there has been
occasion to speak of it to you
I can meet your eyes.
Across a table, in the light,
I can meet your eyes.
I can love you without shame.
And of all joys, surely this is the greatest —
that I, at last, consider myself
worthy to love and to be loved.

But in awe I hold the power of this
feeling — how it takes hold of me —
when I am so at a loss to know
how with this strength and depth of care,
I do not hold you.

At times I am plainly satisfied
to enjoy your company —
to visit your home, you and your lover,
to drop by for lunch and sit over coffee,
to go to the malls and watch women together,
to drink dark beer, to talk, to dance…

but then as we wait at Baskin & Robbins
for our scoops of Jamocha Almond Fudge
a rich and vibrant chord of you
plays itself upon my intestines
and echoes and echoes and echoes, fading….
My whole body rings of you
and groans at the lack of your touch,
groans at the wanting to touch you,
to show you all the ways,
the infinite ways that I love you.

I am at a loss to understand
how the great power that freed me from my living death
can imprison me yet in this unfulfilled love.
As the days pass in my wanting you
I begin to wonder if I have returned
to my folly of loving, as a lover would,
a woman who I cannot reach.

VIII

I still feel sorrow.  Each time I’m afraid
the old dank despair will possess me again.
But I know too much now for that.

I have a guide.  I know the way.

The staleness that turns to a petrified stink —
no longer can it envelop me.

I have a guide.  I know the way.

In my deepest sadness there is yet joy.
I know I won’t die alone in the wallow.
I know I’ll come out on the other side.

I have a guide.  I know the way.

On my arm, tattooed, is the large wave, the boats,
the mountain — my life, crisis on crisis:
opportunity rides on the dangerous wind.

You’re my friend, and in that way I’ll never forsake you —
just as you, my friend, never have forsaken me.
But I find myself caught in the hurts you are going through.
I find them likewise hurting me
in the old pattern — to place expectations on love.
When I expect things of you, am I really a friend?
Is love to enslave, or is it to free?

This love, my love and desire for you,
is a dangerous wind, destructive and mean,
and though in the past it has helped sweep me clean,
given me breath and a hope to cling onto —
my only hope now — opportunity —
is to let go at last, all the way to my bones —
to my soul, no longer a labyrinth.

Understand me — I am not angry,
not depressed — that is past history.
I am grieving this death, the death of a dream.
A hard death, a cruel death, to fall like a leaf
from the thrill of riding a dangerous wind.

To fall like a leaf, to fall to the ground.
I come to a leaf and, turning it over,
I find myself, a woman, and stand.

Alive without protest, I’ll be on my way.

[Jul 8-Nov 17, 1984]

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Dream of Flight

Ravens at play

Watching the ravens at play Saturday in the air currents above the buildings of downtown Anchorage put me in mind of this poem.

Dream of Flight

She kicked past a snow berm shaped like the shroud
of the fallen roller-blader she’d been
last summer. She was as graceless now —
the snow was wet and heavy and stuck
in clumps to the bottoms of her skis,
preventing her rhythmic glide. Her dog
bounded up a steep incline
and barked laughter at her as she herringboned
awkwardly up the slope. At the top
she rested. The arches of her feet ached.
She took off her mittens. Her coat was too hot.

Above she heard a call: kloo-klok
a raven, the first she’d seen this winter —
then two, no, three — five — eight — nine — eleven —
a festival of black wings that swept over the trees
to wheel and tumble over the snow-covered marsh.

The dog yelped at her to come on!
but her eyes trailed the ravens’ game across the air —
not stiff-winged, combustive, engine-powered,
but powered by muscle, the downbeat of feathers,
the thrust of wings on wind.

Without thought she opened her coat, her shirt,
and bared her breasts to the cold air.
She laughed to see them harden with muscle,
cover over with down, then shaggy black feathers.
Her arms sprouted feathers, her bones hollowed,
and with three hops she took to the air,
her astonished dog chasing after her.

[October 25, 1994]

More pics of today’s festival of black wings:

Posted in Poems | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

The Daily Tweets, 2010-02-12: Annual birthday present

After work, still some light
My annual birthday present: getting off work in February to find some light still in the sky.

  • RT @JanFlora49: So now we can put corporations in prison and execute them? Good idea. But let’s kick them off welfare first. #
  • RT: @BJMuntain: RT @bookoven “average number of words consumed each day by a US adult during leisure time: 105,000.” // <burp> I’m full now. #
  • RT: @jamielang: studio news: ready to paint the white room; ready to paint main studio! grand opening 1 month. mark your calendars 3/20 6pm. #
  • RT: @Metafrantic: Have a favorite @crossedgenres story to nominate? Noms open for 2010 WSFA Small Press Award: http://tinyurl.com/yl6b4rj #
  • RT: @redrummy: Truth > Fiction RT @DiscoverMag How did 1940s army drs check soldiers gayness? Checked their gag reflex http://bit.ly/aBartK #
  • 2 great items on Palin from Andrew Halcro in today’s Permafrost Friday re: Tea Party & Mat Maid. http://bit.ly/9ic9T9 #
  • RT: @adndotcom: Joshua Wade expected to change murder plea & be sentenced next week. http://bit.ly/bb0Btc // Looks like he’s copping a plea in reply to adndotcom #
  • RT: @SistersTalk: Reserve Officers Association changes position on gays in the military – http://bit.ly/bIYhsy #
  • ADN: Parnell proposes hiring 15 more VPSOs. http://bit.ly/cp0dXt VPSOs were cut drastically under Gov. Murkowski, Palin did nothing to fix. #
  • Extensive NYT article on how Christianists are attempting to rewrite U.S. history through TX school board. http://nyti.ms/dnmgR1 #
  • RT: @jamielang: Am I wrong or is Christmas music good all year long? 🙂 http://flic.kr/p/7Cy2dt // I like the pic, but – you’re wrong! #
  • RT: @Metafrantic: Awesome article about “Post a Story For Haiti” in the Examiner! http://tinyurl.com/yax2gee // @crossedgenres rocks. #haiti #
  • ADN’s Kyle Hopkins on law enforcement in Selawik (rural NW Alaska). http://bit.ly/d8lF9s. I was in Selawik in ~2002 . Worse probs now. #
  • My birthday’s this month, already having my annual birthday present: the sky still with daylight when I get off work. #fb #
  • @jamielang: You can pretend you’re in Australia or NZ. Christmas is _always_ in the summertime down there. #
  • @BJMuntain Whereas cats feel the need to walk across your chest b/c to them it’s a road & then try to make you feel guilty for disagreeing.. in reply to BJMuntain #
  • @BJMuntain … by pushing ’em off your chest b/c their weight on your nipples really _hurts_!!! in reply to BJMuntain #
  • RT: @adndotcom: The final list of candidates for the Anchorage Assembly and School Board is out. http://bit.ly/9vUHz4 #
  • Heading over to the Bear Tooth for a meal, & thence to @kaladibrothers to write. #
Posted in The Daily Tweets | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on The Daily Tweets, 2010-02-12: Annual birthday present

A box of produce, & homemade sauerkraut

My second produce box from Glacier Valley Farm CSA

Lucy Cuddy Hall

Lucy Cuddy Hall on the UAA campus, one of a number of Glacier Valley Farm CSA's dropoff locations in Anchorage

Yesterday I picked up my second order of produce from Glacier Valley Farm CSA. CSA, again, stands for community supported agriculture; I wrote a long post about it when I picked up my first produce order a couple of weeks ago.  I didn’t take as many photos of it this time, but up there you can see it was a pretty good sampling of fresh yummy produce.

This week’s goodies included:

From Alaska’s Glacier Valley Farm, VanderWeele Farm:

  • Alaska-grown onions
  • Alaskan-grown potatoes, a whole bunch of ’em
  • A big pile of Alaska-grown carrots, which are the best kind of carrots I’ve ever eaten.
13 boxes

This week 13 boxes were delivered by Glacier Valley Farm CSA to the Lucy Cuddy Hall pickup point.

From Outside (all certified organic)

  • 3 Fancy Fuji apples
  • 3 large navel oranges
  • 2 bunches of Rainbow chard. I think one of these was supposed to be romaine lettuce, but that’s okay, I like chard well enough I won’t have problems eating it all.
  • sunchokes. I don’t have a clue what to do with these, but I’m sure Google will have an answer.
  • broccoli

And also:

  • a really big squash.  I don’t know whether it came from Alaska or from the Lower 48.

I’ve never liked squash, so I took mine over to my friend Sylvia, who really loves it.  I like everything else.  Had one of those oranges in my lunch today.

GVFCSA includes stuff from the Lower 48 during the wintertime because, hey, it’s winter in Alaska so a lot of that stuff is out of season up here.  The Alaska-grown stuff they include in their produce boxes in the wintertime are storage veggies.  Thus, GVFCSA can claim to be the only year-round CSA in Alaska.  But there are some other really good CSAs in the Anchorage/Mat-Su area, too, including Arctic Organics, which is the oldest CSA in Alaska & serves about 150 families with its CSA program; and Spring Creek Farm, which belongs to Alaska Pacific University & began a CSA program in 2007.  They also have an Environmental Learning Center.  Like Glacier Valley Farm, these two farms are located in the Palmer area of the Mat-Su Valley.

If you live in another part of Alaska, you might be able to find another CSA through the Community Supported Agriculture page on the Last Frontier Locavores website (though I don’t know how up-to-date it is).  There’s a lot of them in the Fairbanks area! Also check out the website of the Alaska Community Agriculture Association. This is an organization of small Alaska farms which grow food crops for direct sale to the public, whose members are — per their mission statement — “committed to promoting, supporting, and working towards sustainable and regional local food systems. We want to encourage agricultural practices that benefit our environment, our communities, and our customers.” They’ve got a good page of links to CSAs, farmers’ markets, & other community agriculture resources.

My first order of produce from Glacier Valley Farm CSA included a humongous Alaska-grown cabbage.  Somehow I didn’t get a photo of it when it was still whole, but take my word for it: it was big & beautiful.

I used it last week to make sauerkraut.  I also had some red cabbage that I’d bought at the Natural Pantry, my usual grocery store.

Making sauerkraut is easy, but it can take awhile. Took a long time to chop all that cabbage up, mixed in a bit of salt & caraway seed, then kinda pound it down to bring out the brine. (For lack of anything better, I used my metal Kaladi Brothers car cup: worked great.)

Here’s my sauerkraut the night I made it.

Homemade sauerkraut

There’s no water added other than about four or five tablespoons of lactic-acid rich “water” from some fruit kimchi my ex-partner Ptery (then named Rozz) made three years ago, that’s still in the fridge (& still good!). All the rest of the fluid is simply the brine from the cabbage itself, which I guess the salt helps to draw out. That kimchi fluid had the stuff to begin the process of fermentation that makes cabbage, salt, & good guy bacteria into really tasty sauerkraut.

I took a bunch of other pictures of the sauerkraut that night because macros of it made some really nice abstract sauerkraut art.

Sauerkraut abstract

Here’s the same batch of sauerkraut two days later. See all those bubbles? Fermenting nicely.

Sauerkraut abstract

Fermentation had also caused the cabbage to rise up in the jar (an Italian-made jar with a lid that provides a hermetic seal).

Homemade sauerkraut: 2 nights after

You might also notice how much more purple the lower region of the sauerkraut is than the upper region. That’s because when I first cut up the cabbage, I didn’t think all of it would fit, so I kept about a third of the light green Alaska-grown cabbage out. Then looked like it’d fit after all, so I put in the rest of the light cabbage.

I first tried out some of my cabbage last Friday while I was watching “Caprica” (hence my Daily Tweets post that day, “Caprica w/ sauerkraut”). That was about three days after it was made, & it was pretty good! But sauerkraut is even better after you’ve let it age a bit. Here’s what it looked like tonight, when I had a small bowlful with my dinner. See how the dark purple pigments from the “red” cabbage have mixed all up to make my sauerkraut pink?

Homemade sauerkraut

Yummy good. And good for you too. Sauerkraut has tons of Vitamin C, & the fermentation process means there’s also lots of good guy bacteria to keep your internal flora all nice & happy.

Please enjoy my Sauerkraut Slide Show:

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The Daily Tweets, 2010-02-11: Another leak in my ceiling, more gnashing of teeth

Another leak into my ceiling

Just when the neverending saga of the leaks into my ceiling was about to end, it neverended. Tonight I came home to the above, a big blister of water that had leaked into my ceiling right in front of my bathroom. At least it doesn’t have any bookcases under it this time.

More pics after the tweets.

Some more views of the big blister. Really — the damn thing was as big as the light fixture. Looks like there might be a couple smaller blisters forming up just inside the bathroom, too.

Another leak into my ceiling

I don’t know if this is from another leaky pipe, or if the upstairs neighbor’s toilet went wonky again. I just want it oooooooover!

Another leak into my ceiling

So I called my maintenance guy Jon to let him know I was going to drain the blister, but I still had, y’know, yet another damn leak. He said he’d stop by tomorrow to take a look, but probably wouldn’t be able to fix it until Tuesday. Okay. He suggested I also poke a hole through the ceiling proper so whatever was leaking could drain out into the bucket I have on the floor under this. Okay.

But there turned out to already be a hole.

Another leak into my ceiling

Frakkity frak frak frak.

Another leak into my ceiling

No, please don’t helpfully tell me to move. I hate moving. I like the location where I live, close to several bus routes & within walking distance of places I like to go. It’s also a pain to get a place in Anchorage that takes pets. And doesn’t have stupid damn carpeting.

I just want it to be ooooooooverrrrrrrr!

At least it’s not over a bookcase, at least I don’t have to shove furniture around this time. Meanwhile, I’m still waiting for the other maintenance guy to fix the last holes in my living room ceiling, so I can put living furniture where it belongs.

This is the second winter with leakage problems. I reckon that winterizing my apartment means: shoving my furniture into the middle of the room & laying down a lot of tarps.

Whinge.

Posted in The Daily Tweets | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

Building Consensus

Shadows on snow

Cold and Long Dark

Consensus as the form of government in my fiction came about from a combination of personal experience with consensus used in a collaborative project (in this case, Wikipedia) & the influence of another science fiction story, Kim Stanley Robinson’s Mars trilogy (Red Mars, Green Mars, Blue Mars).  I’m doing a lot of reading nowadays about consensus, collaborative decisionmaking, sociocracy, etc. as background research for my writing.  I’m also becoming convinced that those forms of decisionmaking are our best means of recreating our own society & government into one that really is of, by, & for the people.

But for now: just the story of how I decided on Consensus to begin with.

Storymind

When I first decided to write Cold for NaNoWriMo 2007, I didn’t know much at all about the government or society in which my characters lived.  I only knew that the story began with a question — What does cold feel like? — out of which emerged the story’s setting & first characters: a planet in the late stages of terraformation, and two young women, one who had never lived outside the enclosed habitats of her space-born society, & one who had.  These two characters, Bai & Boleyn, are the center of the story of Cold; but of course there is a world in which they live, a society in which they live, more questions to be answered.  For instance, how did Boleyn come to have experience outside the closed biosphere?  Okay, her family was exiled for a time to a remote facility.  But why?  How?  Where?  And so on.  Well, that’s storymaking, to me: it’s about asking a question, & trying out answers until you come up with one that you like, which will generate more questions, more what ifs.

I made the decision to do NaNoWriMo 2007 in about February of that year.  But I had to constrain myself from actually writing it until November, when NaNo actually began.  Didn’t stop me from thinking about it, though; & so what I call storymind became engaged pretty continually.  For instance, I remember walking across the UAA campus one day on a work-related errand. It must’ve been February or March, still winter, so I stuck that day to what we at UAA informally call the “spine” — the enclosed walkways that make it possible to walk most of the way across campus without going outside.  And I thought, hmm, wouldn’t the closed habitats on my story’s planet be build in a modular style, with closed in walkways like the ones I’m walking in now to connect them?  Why, of course they would. Thus in my storymind I began to design the structure of the enclosed community that I later named Turnbull, which is essentially a collection of several enclosed habitats called Commons that are connected together with “tubes” aboveground & tunnels belowground.

(Turnbull itself is named after Margaret Turnbull, one of the two astronomers who compiled the Catalog of Nearby Habitable Systems (HabCat) to narrow down the search for extraterrestrial intelligence (SETI), obviously useful in the search for systems with potentially habitable extrasolar planets like the one my characters were terraforming. The other HabCat compiler was Jill Tarter, who was the inspiration for the main character in Carl Sagan’s novel Contact, played in the movie by Jodie Foster.)

The battle of the Battle of Washita River

Cold wasn’t all I was thinking about over the course of 2007.  Life stuff, of course, including a trip to Seattle & Spokane to visit family.  Also, I got heavily involved in active editing of Wikipedia.  This began more-or-less by accident when I discovered that the Wikipedia article about the Dena’ina elder & writer Peter Kalifornsky indicated he was alive.  Hold on, I thought, didn’t I recall him having died sometime within the past few years?  Yep, about four years previously — so next thing I knew I was researching him, correcting the article, & doing even more research… on an article which even now I haven’t completed (!!!).  But I sure learned a lot along the way about Dena’ina language, culture, & history (Anchorage is situated in Dena’ina country) — some of which entered storymind to influence some aspects of Cold.  But of course I also got pulled to other Wikipedia articles, & pretty soon Wikipedia editing became a major focus that largely drew me away from my writing life (at least in terms of writing my stuff) until November, when NaNoWriMo helped me to break that fixation.  Nowadays, I do Wikipedia editing only here & there.  (Though it would really be nice if I finished that Peter Kalifornsky article!)

But my Wikipedia experience went into storymind too.  Of particular relevance: I got caught up in huge dispute on a particular article (the Battle of Washita River, if you want to know) with a certain editor with strong anti-Indian bigotry who wanted to paint the Cheyenne people in general & the Cheyenne chief Black Kettle in particular as unqualifiedly evil, & George Armstrong Custer (this editor’s personal hero) as unqualifiedly good & wonderful & perfect.  Never mind historical facts; & never mind Wikipedia policies of neutral point of view (commonly abbreviated in Wikipedia background discussions as NPOV), “no original research” (NOR), & verifiability — policies that are intended to protect Wikipedia’s integrity as an encyclopedia by founding its articles on reliable sources, verifiable facts, & neutral presentation of all sides of contentious issues instead of presenting only “one side of the story.”

Battle of Washita River

Battle of Washita River as depicted in Harper's Weekly for December 19, 1868, three weeks after the event on November 27. Through Wikimedia Commons.

Dealing with this dispute was a big learning experience.  Given my lifetime of socialization in 20th & 21st century U.S.A., my first reaction in dealing with a clearly biased “one side of the story” breaker of rules was to look for an authority figure to whom I could appeal to bring this editor into line: Someone is breaking the law: where are the cops, the judges, can’t we ban this guy?

The closest thing you have to “authority figures” on Wikipedia are admins… but it doesn’t take long on Wikipedia to discover that an admin is not, in fact, a cop.  Wikipedia governs itself by processes of consensus: if you appeal to an admin about a dispute on an article, the admin isn’t going to automatically kick someone’s butt unless there are clearcut problems like edit-warring or personal attacks.  But if the disputes are over content & bias, the admin is going to advise you to discuss the problem on the article’s discussion page, & try to come to a consensus.  Yes, there we go: consensus, one of Wikipedia’s six core policies regarding personal conduct, which also include a demand for civility and no personal attacks, refraining from edit warring, welcoming everyone to edit (assuming they abide by Wikipedia’s core policies, including the conduct policies), & collaboration on, rather than individual “ownership” of, articles.

Okay, but we’ve got a content dispute with a biased editor here, & we’ve been told to take our dispute to the article’s talk page & come to consensus.  But what if agreement can’t be reached there?  Then there are additional processes used in Wikipedia through which disputes can be worked through, some of which might result in sanctions against problematic “I refuse to abide by Wikipedia’s policies” type editors (like the guy we were dealing with).  Our problem guy did get the occasional sanction for edit warring & personal attacks (as did one of the folks supposedly on the “right side” of the content dispute, who has since gone on to a long career in getting banned for incivility & edit warring under a variety of different sockpuppet usernames), but it took us a long time to bring the content dispute into some kind of control, just a couple of months before NaNoWriMo 2007 took me out of the Wikipedia biz.

If you’re curious, check out the Talk page & its archives for Battle of Washita River to see all the crap I & my fellow editors had to go through.  Especially see the RfC (Request for Coments) on the article itself & the related RfCs on our two problem editors.  (I’m the user Yksin.)  It took us two months to move from the article being locked down in a biased & inaccurate form to be able to edit it again after the disputes had been more-or-less settled.  It took a long time, but we did it right.  If you think I’m being a naive idealist when I talk about the need to be civil in discussing Sarah Palin, then read through this stuff, & try to convince me that civil, factual discussion doesn’t, in the end, win out over the kind of offal that our problem editors were continually unloading on us.  Patience helps.  I’m proud of the way I handled myself throughout.

Wikipedia was a great experiential education for me in at least some of the possibilities of consensus.  It was also instructive about how “knowledge” is constructed.  I grew to have a great deal of respect for Wikipedia as a source of information — as long as you know how it works & how to evaluate the information there.  (I typically look not only at the articles themselves, but also their edit histories & talk pages.  But I also never consider a Wikipedia page the last word on a topic.  I still sometimes log in & correct typos or misstatements of fact, or to revert vandalism.)

If you’re interested in seeing how consensus operates in a huge collaborative project like this, you can do like I had to do: go into the behind-the-scenes of Wikipedia. See how editors & admins & bureaucrats (another level of Wikipedia adminship) talk with each other about articles & the processes by which articles are written.  Look at article talk pages & see how disputes over content are resolves.  Check out the process called Request for Adminship, or RfA by which admins become admins & bureaucrats become bureaucrats — which is partially what Cold‘s process of Examination is based upon.  There’s a lot there.   And it’s very geeky but also very cool.  I still think very highly of the numerous people who work really hard to make Wikipedia a good encyclopedia.

A constitution on Mars

Pavonis Mons

Mars Global Surveyor image of Pavonis Mons, a broad shield volcano (similar to the volcanoes of Hawaii) located on the martian equator at 113°W. The volcano summit is near 14 km (~8.7 mi) above the martian datum (0 elevation); the central caldera (crater near center of image) is about 45 km (~28 mi.) across and about 4.5 km (~2.8 mi.) deep. Pavonis Mons is the site of a settlement in Kim Stanley Robinson's novel Blue Mars where the Martian Constitution was written. Image credit: NASA/JPL/Malin Space Science Systems via JPL Photojournal.

At the same time in 2007 that I got caught up in Wikipedia editing, I was following my friend Chris’ advice to read Kim Stanley Robinson’s Hugo & Nebula-award winning Mars trilogy — Red Mars, Green Mars, & Blue Mars — because of one of its overall themes, the terraformation of Mars.  But, as I wrote the other day, I also discovered another them theme —

the long & arduous struggle of Robinson’s Martian colonists for freedom from the political & economic domination of Earth. Freedom not only from Earth’s numerous governments — but especially from Earth’s corporations, which have become so powerful that they are in many ways more powerful than governments themselves, both on Earth & on Mars.

The Wikipedia article about Kim Stanley Robinson observes,

Robinson’s work often explores alternatives to modern capitalism. In the Mars trilogy, it is argued that capitalism is an outgrowth of feudalism, which could be replaced in the future by a more democratic economic system. Worker ownership and cooperatives Green Mars and Blue Mars as a replacement for traditional corporations….

Robinson’s work often portrays characters struggling to preserve and enhance the world around them in an environment characterized by individualism and entrepreneurialism, often facing the political and economic authoritarianism of corporate power acting within this environment. Robinson has been described as anti-capitalist, and his work often portrays a form of frontier capitalism that promotes ideals that closely resemble anarcho-syndicalist and socialist systems, and faced with a capitalism that is staunched by entrenched hegemonic corporations. In particular, his Martian Constitution draws upon social democratic ideals explicitly emphasizing a community-participation element in political and economic life, while a persistent threat to social democracy is embodied by transnational corporations, the characteristics of which resemble those predicted by institutionalist and socialist economists such as Ted Wheelwright and Karl Marx.

It should be no surprise to anyone, given my already vociferous criticism of contemporary corporatism (not to mention the foolishness of granting corporations the legal fiction of “personhood”)  that I like this about Kim Stanley Robinson.  A lot.

Wikipedia goes on to say,

The environmental, economic, and social themes in Robinson’s oeuvre stand in marked contrast to the right-wing Libertarian streak prevalent in much of science fiction…  and his work has been called the most successful attempt to reach a mass audience with a left-wing libertarian and anti-capitalist utopian vision since Ursula K. Le Guin’s 1974 novel, The Dispossessed.

Ursula K!!!  What greater recommend could there be for Kim Stanley Robinson than that?  And The Disposessed is a great novel — thanks, Wiki editors, for the reminder to read it again. If all I am at the moment is a barely-published writer of only a couple of things here & there, still, let it be known — I aspire to stand in their tradition.

(Though I hesitate to call either of their visions as utopian.  I think societies such as they’ve invented are possible & desirable.  But it’ll take us to make them.)

By the beginning of the last book of Robinson’s trilogy, Blue Mars, the Martian colonists have finally succeeded in kicking the corporations off-planet (by means of the trilogy’s Second Martian Revolution in the year 2127); but in order to maintain their independence from Earth governments & Earth-based corporations, they decide they need to adopt their own constitution & government.  Thus, a congress is convened in a settlement at Pavonis Mons — one of Mars’ great volcanoes — where the new Martian Constitution is drafted, later to be ratifiied by 78% of Martians who voted (the novel says that 95% of eligible voters voted).  (Tip o’ the nib to MangalaWiki, a wiki-based encyclopedia on the Robinson’s works, which helped me keep my facts on track.)

Here’s where Robinson & Wikipedia collided in my storymind: the people who did the actual drafting of the constitution at Pavonis Mons worked collaboratively — &, of course, using computers. —

“At least the points are there to discuss,” Nadia said.  And along with them, on everyone’s screen, were the blank constitutions with their sections headings, suggesting all by themselves the many problems they were going to have to come to grips with: “Structure of Government, Executive; Structure of Government, Legislative; Structure of Government, Judicial; Rights of Citizens; Military and Police… [and so on]. (my paperback copy of Blue Mars, p. 125)

Later, after they complete their work, they attach all the numerous written documents & discussions that had been generated during the process for reference by courts, historians, & other interpreters who wanted a better understanding of the framers’ intent.  (Much as Alaskans can refer to the minutes of the Alaska Constitutional Convention in order to better understand the Alaska Constitution & its framers’ intent.)

And I thought, what if they actually used wiki-type software, similar to what Wikipedia itself uses,  to draft their constitution?  That way, there would always be a running record of the proceedings (at least, any that were in written form) — edit histories, talk pages to discuss differences & disagreements about difference, & to develop agreement & consensus — the full gamut.

I’m not sure exactly the moment this stuff germinated to such an extent that it fledged itself fully into my story’s Consensus government — but I had it by November 1, 2007, when I did my first day’s writing on Cold — the same writing that became, with not as many revisions as you’d think, the short story “Cold” published in Crossed Genres Issue #12 exactly two years later.

But come to think of it — there was also a third influence in the mix, which I’ll call —

Influence of the Self

— the Self in this case being myself & my beliefs, especially the content of my beliefs with regard to selfhood.

Best expressed by some of my writing about halfway into NaNoWriMo 2007, when I was reading Robinson’s The Martians, which collects a lot of stories & sketches related to his trilogy & its characters.  Among them were some pieces about the Constitution of Mars, with commentary from one of Robinson’s fictional constitutional framers. These pieces led me to additional thinking about Consensus in my story.  On November 19, 2007, I wrote in part,

Two chief principles exist in dialectic, as can be encapsulated in the statement held to by one of the spiritual movements within Consensus: Harming none, do as you will.  I think what I’m getting to is some of my own deepseated beliefs, which that statement plays a large part in.  Basically, whether at the individual level or the community and government level, the  principle of sovereignty over one’s own actions (“do as you will”, self-government) is always balanced against the the principle of nonharm: the recognition and respecting of the rights and autonomy of others.   Consensus has as one of its fundamental principles, which is legal, moral, and spiritual all at once, that the integrity of the Self is paramount, whether that Self be an individual or a body of individuals joined together into a family, a community, or a large body of society.  Violation of such integrity or wholeness through the causing of harm is conceived of, legally, as crime; morally and spiritually, it may be considered sin.  The principle is established in the very name of this type of government: Consensus, indicating the consent of those who make it up.  Government, rather than being something imposed, often coercively, upon the people by a hierarchy above them, is made up of all of the people in a very direct way.

Later that same day —

There is no such thing, in Consensus philosophy and culture, as a government separate from the people.  Everything begins with the Self, the first Self that is each individual human being.  Inasmuch as humans as biological beings are also social beings, Self is also expressed in the yearning for Other, which finds a home in relationship, each relationship or group of relationships themselves forming their own Selves: friendship, sexual pairing and partnership, family, community, Consensus.  Because all levels of society begin with that fundamental Self of each individual, therefore the Self is sacrosanct; its autonomy is the first building block of society.  To violate the Selfhood of an individual is like the breaking open an atom: it’s the beginning of destruction.  The Self, of course, is much more fragile than the atom: it took until the 20th century C.E. for humans to learn how to split the atom; but it didn’t take us long at all to come up with all manner of ways to cleave the human soul, and the chain reaction from that has never ended.  Only some have learned to restore it, only some have learned ways of living with one another in such ways that the violation of soul and Self isn’t inextricably a part of human education, of human “conditioning.”  Even the most intelligent and soul-preserving societies make mistakes.

Consensus begins by recognizing those two aspects of what it is to be human: Self, and Other, in which each Other is also a Self. Society, culture, government is nothing more and nothing less than the provisional solution humans have come to in any given time and place to balance between Self and Other; or shall we say, the multiplicity of Selves, each with its own sacrosanct Integrity.  Thus, the laws of Consensus begin with the laws intended to protect the Self at its most basic level, that of the individual.  Everything else flows upward from that.

And now here I am reading more about consensus & related ideas — collaborative decisionmaking, collective intelligence, sociocracy — all of which reflect the ethic that I was writing about: the idea that every individual has value, & that the integrity & selfhood of every individual must be protected.

But the books I’m reading are taking me even one step beyond that: recognition that each & every individual, without exception, must have a say in any decision that affects her or his life. Government not through the coercion of the powerful over the less-powerful, but government by the consent of all.

Not only are these books helping me to articulate this, but they’re also teaching me the techniques & strategies that can make it possible.  Both in my stories, & in the Real World of which we all are part.

Needless to say, I’ll be writing more about this.

Posted in About writing, Cold | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Progressive bloggers on Palin: Civility versus namecalling

Debate  munchies, 2/3 Alaska-made...

Vice-presidential debate between Biden & Palin, October 2, 2008. Debate munchies, 2/3 Alaska-made... ... & the other third comes from folks as funny as Tina Fey. Speaking of Tina Fey: satire is one thing, but outright insult & contemptuous treatment of people — even Palin — is another.

Crossposted at Progressive Alaska where there is lots more discussion.
See also Steve Aufrecht’s post at What Do I Know?

I didn’t watch Sarah Palin’s Tea Party speech this past weekend, just as I didn’t watch the Super Bowl.  But I do stay in touch with the news, so I know the Saints won, & I have the gist at least of some of the remarks Palin made.  And of course I heard about the now-famous “Palm Pilot” crib notes she wrote on her hand for the Q&A session following her speech.  I found it funny, ridiculous, and — particularly since she apparently went after Obama’s use of teleprompters — extraordinarily hypocritical.

But if  we are critical of the ugly tactics from those we disagree with politically, does that justify our using some of the same ugly tactics?  Does our constitutionally guaranteed right to freedom of speech make unrestrained use of uncivil speech & namecalling wise or useful?

Phil Munger of the blog Progressive Alaska is someone I admire & respect a great deal.  And so I was disappointed late Saturday night to read the title of the blog post he wrote about Palin’s “Palm Pilot” crib notes:  “Saradise Lost – Book 4 – Chapter 43 – What a SLUT”. Today he reiterated the namecalling with a poll & an accompanying post entitled “Saradise Lost and Found – Chapter 12 – Saint or Slut? – A New PA Poll”.  The poll asks readers to register their vote for “Which Term More Accurately Defines Sarah Palin to You?” with two possible answers, Saint or Slut.

I privately wrote to Phil about the problems I have with the poll earlier today.  At lunchtime I went back to read comments.

After seeing what other people had to say, I felt no choice but to register, publicly, my objection to Phil’s pejorative description of Palin, & the way other self-identified progressives in comments defended it.  So I wrote my own comment.  Here’s what I wrote:

I am a woman, consider myself a progressive (though not a Democrat), am more-or-less a member of the Alaska progressive blogger community (though I’m trying to focus my blog on writing nowadays) & have already registered my dislike of Phil’s terminology & this poll privately to Phil. And now am doing it publicly.

As I wrote privately, I won’t vote in this poll. Given a forced choice between “saint” & “slut” is far too reminiscent of the “virgin” versus “whore” typology that women have been relegated to for centuries. I don’t see Sarah Palin, however deluded she is or creepy her views, as either. As ridiculous as I find her political posturing to be, & as scary I find it that anyone takes seriously her potential as a leader, I have less & less confidence that namecalling from “our” side is any more productive or useful than the namecalling from the Palin supporters.

I am disappointed that Phil used this terminology, especially because there is so much else I find to respect in his work — as a composer, as a teacher, as a blogger, & as someone supportive of the work of other progressive people. I am further disappointed read many of these comments & find so many other self-identified progressives defending his use of this language — in pretty much the same hypocritical way that Palin condemned Rahm Emanuel for how he used the word “retard” but defended Rush Limbaugh’s use of the same word.

It’s clear that just as much on the left as on the right, too many people are willing to excuse their “own side” for employing the same tactics that they condemn the “other side” for. As scary as I find extreme people on the right to be, I find this behavior by people who are presumably on my side to be just as scary. You might as well be on two sides of a wall lobbing grenades at one another, for how likely these tactics will lead to any kind of peace or good for our nation.

Can we find some way to engage with our political opposition without just creating more hostility — none of which is likely to encourage our opposition’s better nature & better thinking, any more than their namecalling & disrespect towards us encourages our better nature & thinking?

I want to support other progressive Alaska blogs & bloggers, but I’m growing ever more worried by the propensity of some of “our” side to demonize the “other” side with namecalling & insults.  It’s no more helpful than when the “other” side does that to “us.”

At the same time, it’s this kind of polarized incendiary stuff that seems to attract the most hits on blogs, & encourages bloggers to keep blogging that way.   I don’t think that high hit rates is necessarily a good measure of the quality of blogs — but it can be an excellent measure indeed  how polarized & contentious our political culture has become.  And how much more likely we are to enflame our political culture into some kind of outright civil war.

Which is not at all the kind of civil we need.

Update:

After more comments came in on Phil’s post about his “saint v. slut” poll, I added another comment, reading as follows:

In essence, most of the progressive rationalizations for Phil’s use of a sexist & demeaning word to describe Palin amount to “Palin & her supporters use demeaning insults to describe us & our leaders, so that gives us the okay to do it to her & her supporters.” This is hypocrisy.

In essence, most of the Palin supporters who are visiting this blog to criticize Phil for his use of this sexist & demeaning word to describe Palin are correct that his use of the word is sexist & demeaning, but have no compunction about using equally demeaning language to insult Phil, Obama, or other people with whom they disagree. This is hypocrisy.

Both sides are being equally destructive to our social fabric as a civil culture. I’m a progressive, & yet I don’t want to be on the side of anyone who simply stands in their corner lobbing insults at their opponents. If we want a civil culture in which everyone’s rights are respected, we’re not going to get it by refusing dialog with those who disagree with us — which is what this oh-so-very-witty (not) lobbing of demeaning insults amounts to. It’s all fine & nice to feel righteous about how intelligent your own side is & how horrible & stupid & purposely perverse the arguments of the other side are — but in reality, you’re only making yourselves mirror images of one another.

And leaving no room for people who really want this country to work. For everyone, not just “our” side, no matter which “side” that may happen to be.

Posted in Alaska politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 35 Comments