A long-overdue Bent Alaska update — October 2013

Choosing Alaska: Fairbanks is a good cup of coffee

We recently posted a letter from a grad student and a letter from a gay couple asking for similar advice: What is it like to live and work in Alaska as an openly-LGBT person? KHW describes his experience living in Fairbanks as a gay Asian male who recently graduated from college on the east coast.

Choosing Alaska: Soldotna “sisters” light the closed minds of others

“My partner and I have lived in Soldotna for 11 years now,” writes Klondyke.”We are openly gay women yet still some people like to think we are just ‘sisters.'” From our series Choosing Alaska on living and working in Alaska as LGBT.

Choosing Alaska: A garden, a sauna and a dog

“I suggest a garden fence to protect your crop from moose,” Tallimat recommends to a gay couple thinking about moving to Alaska. “It is best that the fence be so tall that it can be seen from space.” From our series Choosing Alaska on living and working in Alaska as LGBT.

Choosing Alaska: Outdoors and friends make 90% of a good life

We recently posted a letter from a grad student and a letter from a gay couple asking for similar advice: What is it like to live and work in Alaska as an openly-LGBT person?

Our readers responded, sharing their reasons for living in Alaska and their experiences as LGBT. We’re posting their stories in a series called Choosing Alaska.

This reply is from Mike.

# # #

I grew up in rural northern Arizona. Growing up I always knew that I was gay but never knew it was an option. I lived life the way everyone else did and expected me to. It wasn’t until I went to college that I realized it might be possible to be gay. It was through support groups, friends and a process that lasted several years that I finally was confident enough to come out.

After graduation from college, I came to Alaska and worked in the tourism industry. This helped with my internal struggle as the industry has many gay and lesbians who work in the industry. I was in Alaska for five years and loved it. I never ran into any issues with who I was. I also wasn’t broadcasting the fact that I was gay either. But if someone asked I told them.

I moved to Seattle and what an experience that was! I explored the gay life and got to see what the city had to offer. It was fun to experience but it really wasn’t me. I was in a relationship for eight years and when it ended, I realized just how unhappy I was living in the city. Despite it being full of openly gay men, I was getting no interest from anyone. I was miserable in my job and painting myself into a corner where I was soon to be stuck. All my friends were up here in Alaska.

I came for a long weekend to visit. I surprised my friends and just showed up one day. The second thing out of my mouth was “I’m moving back up here!” I hadn’t even given it a thought yet it came out so easily. After the visit I went back to Seattle and within three months I was living in Alaska. I went from a condo on Queen Anne with a view of the city skyline and the Space Needle to living in a dry cabin out in Goldstream and I had never been happier!

I became very comfortable with being a gay man in Seattle. I had photos of my partner on my desk at work. I talked openly about what me and my partner had planned for the weekend or trips we had planned, just like everyone else. Living here in Alaska, that is very different. I have “reeled it in” so to speak at work. I’m not as open about being gay. But again, if asked, I’ll tell.

That said the people I have surrounded myself with are open and accepting people. I am 100% out with them. I have no doubt my boss knows I’m gay and doesn’t care. She’s pretty freaking cool. We just haven’t ever talked about it.

I think one can easily live the gay life up here in the Last Frontier. But I think it’s what you want out of life that determines if you do or not. If have found that people up here don’t really care what you do behind your bedroom door, they just don’t want to know about it or hear about it. But people here seem to be like that about anything. “Believe whatever you want, just don’t push your beliefs on me.”

I was living the typical gay life in Seattle and I was miserable. I’d say I was 90% miserable and 10% happy. Since I moved back almost four years ago, I’m 90% happy, 10% a little unhappy. That could be resolved by meeting the one and living happily ever after. But if that doesn’t happen, I’m good with 90%. Much better than the 10% in Seattle.

For me, I decided what was most important to me. Living with my friends, living in a place where I could camp, hike, kayak, explore….that was all very important to me. I love living in a place where just existing was a challenge. Easy access to gay bars and gay men…not so important. If it were, I would have stayed in Seattle. Every once in a while I get the urge and I just head to Anchorage for a long weekend and have a night out there and that satisfies me.

Ultimately, it comes down to what you want and what you want to experience. If you want the open and out there life, if that’s what’s going to get you to the 90%, maybe think of somewhere Outside. If living in a place that offers you’re the activities you want, the friends that you have, oh and by the way you happen to be gay, then a happy life up here is possible.

I am by no means speaking for anyone other than myself. This is just my approach to life and how I came to the decision to be living here.

# # #

Thanks, Mike!

What is your experience of being LGBT in Alaska? Leave a comment below, or email us directly at Bent Alaska @ gmail .com (without the spaces), and we will include your response in a follow up post. And if you have another topic you’d like to see on Bent Alaska, please tell us about it!

Choosing Alaska: Return to the village, great opportunities in rural Alaska

We recently posted a letter from a graduate student and a letter from a gay couple asking for similar advice: What is it like to live and work in Alaska as an openly-LGBT person?

Our readers responded, sharing their reasons for living in Alaska and their experiences as LGBT Alaskans. We’re posting their stories in a series called Choosing Alaska.

This response is from Andrei.

# # #

I am writing in response to your post on the return of college graduates to Alaska.

My name is Andrei. And I returned to my hometown Bethel following college graduation. I was elected to the Bethel City Council and worked on clinic construction grants for years. I am a gay male.

It was easy to return home. In fact, I didn’t give it much thought. Perhaps I have it much easier than many gay male experiences. Small town Alaska has been very good for me. Because of the brain drain I was able to hit an apex in my profession very quickly in my small town. I soon realized I had to move. I was a big fish in a small pond. I was intellectually curious about many things. And the remoteness of my location prevented me from growth.

And thus I moved.

Today I am in Bethel to care for my mom. She had a major surgery this year and required me to take care of her. I do live in New York City now. And I find Bethel to be a lot like New York. Bethel is Eskimo New York. Anchorage is Eskimo Amsterdam.

# # #

Thanks, Andrei!

What is your experience of being LGBT in Alaska? Leave a comment below, or email us directly at Bent Alaska @ gmail .com (without the spaces), and we will include your response in a follow up post. And if you have another topic you’d like to see on Bent Alaska, please tell us about it!

Should a married gay couple move to Alaska?

Soon after posting the letter from the graduate student, Bent Alaska received the following letter from Matt and Al asking if their dream of living in Alaska is realistic for them as a married gay couple.

Although Matt lived outside of Fairbanks for 2 years as a kid, he wouldn’t be returning to a familiar place and family members like the grad student. But their main question is the same – what is it like to live and work in Alaska as an openly-LGBT adult? So we’re adding this letter to our Choosing Alaska series and encouraging you to reply.

# # #

My husband, Al, and I are deciding where we would like to settle and Alaska is at the top of our list. I am from Texas and moved to the UK 4 years ago where I met Al. We are interested in Alaska because of what it offers in day to day life: the cool/cold climate, expansive outdoors, fascinated by the long winter nights and relish the long summer days, and the accessibility to buying enough land to keep chickens and other livestock as well as build a decent sized greenhouse to grow as much of our own herbs and vegetables as possible. We also like the low population density yielding plenty of privacy when at home, of which we want to do a self-build from kit–we want to physically contribute to building our home. Work wise, we both come from information technology corporate or retail management backgrounds, though we have considered drawing on Al’s experience growing up in a pub with rooms to start/buy a bed and breakfast.

Living in the UK has afforded us a degree of acceptance that I as an American did not think possible. I am seen simply by my name, not labeled as being gay; I am judged as a person, nothing more or less. Living across the US from CA, TX, and VA, I know that acceptance is not as enjoyable as my experience in Europe. My biggest concern with moving to Alaska is that because it is one of the last frontiers, it may be a large backward in the experience of acceptance than what I am used to. I appreciate that my husband and I may not be able to walk down the street holding hands without at least some hard glares. I would actually expect worse, such as reactive hate crimes, but don’t truly know. That’s what I am trying to gauge and understand.

Al and I will be visiting Alaska for a few weeks next year and will be making it a point to experience as much of the local vibe as possible. In the meantime, I would appreciate any considerations or experiences you have to share to help set my own realistic expectations.

# # #

Readers, what do you think? Leave a comment below, or email us directly at Bent Alaska @ gmail .com (without the spaces), and we will post your response (anonymous posts are ok.) Help this gay couple and others decide whether or not they will settle in Alaska.

And if you have a topic you’d like to see on Bent Alaska, please tell us about it!

Choosing Alaska: Acceptance in non-profits and having a good attitude

We recently posted a letter from a graduate student asking for advice from openly-LGBT Alaskans. What is it like to be an out professional in Alaska?

Our readers responded, sharing their reasons for living in Alaska and their experiences as LGBT. We’re posting their stories in a new series called Choosing Alaska.

The second response was from Kris. (Read the first reply HERE.)

# # #

Hello, Friends!

So let’s be clear: I am not actually who you wanted to hear from. I am not a born and raised LGBTetc Alaskan who studied out of state and then returned. Who I am, is an open, out, proud LGBTetc individual who was raised in New England, studied in New York and then eventually moved to Alaska to live my life the way I chose.

My name is Kris and I am a 27 year old gender-queer individual who was born female-bodied and has chosen to make my life surrounded by other gender-queers, lesbians, dykes and whatever the heck else people want to call themselves. I have a wonderful partner and although we are still building our relationship and life together, she is for sure an amazing woman whom I am openly, 100% of the time, proud to be with.

I am a Victim Advocate and have and do work with several non-profits including the YWCA Anchorage, Covenant House Alaska and Standing Together Against Rape (STAR). I have a Masters level education and consider myself to be both a role model and advocate within the professional community here in Anchorage for equality and a focus on LGBTetc issues. I volunteer with various youth initiatives, donate time to conferences and other educational causes and make a general effort to put myself out there in a positive light for the communities I exist within.

So why Alaska? Really, the question is “why not?” Sure, it’s small here. Which is ironic given the size of the state, but what does that matter, really? It doesn’t matter how large or small a locales queer community is. What matters is what you make of it, the relationships you choose to cultivate and how you portray that community to the others which you exist in. Working in the non-profit sector I find that I am generally surrounded by queer-positive people. This, of course, is not always the case for people in other professions, so I do acknowledge the slant in my perspective.

If I came here with the mindset that this was another small town (New Hampshire is full of them, I am no stranger!) and I was bound to lead a life of internalized homophobia and guilt and shame, then that is exactly what would have happened. Instead, I sought out resources, organizations and like-minded, progressive individuals. I made no attempt at masking who I am or what I believe in and I never apologized for who I am.

I have a self-made attitude that exudes, “I’m here. This is who I am. This is what I bring to the table. How can we help each other?” Would this be what happened if I had gone back to the sleepy town I grew up in? You better believe it. And for awhile, it did. And without incident. I didn’t come to Alaska to run away from a small town’s LGBTetc’s hot mess. I came to Alaska, in part, to participate in that small town community, and this just happens to be who I am.

Sincerely,
Another out, proud, educated professional in Alaska

# # #

Thanks, Kris!

What is your experience of being LGBT in Alaska? Leave a comment below, or email us directly at Bent Alaska @ gmail .com (without the spaces), and we will include your response in a follow up post. And if you have another topic you’d like to see on Bent Alaska, please tell us about it!

Choosing Alaska: Great community, but harassment at work is common

Why do you live in Alaska?

We recently posted a letter from a graduate student who grew up in Alaska, went outside for college, and is considering whether or not to return and start a professional career here. The student asked for advice from openly-LGBT Alaskans who returned after college. What is it like to be an out professional in Alaska?

Our readers responded, sharing their reasons for living in Alaska and their experiences as LGBT people here. Some grew up in Alaska, others moved here as adults. Some live in the cities, others in small towns or the Bush. Some are Native, some are not. We’re posting their stories together in a new series called Choosing Alaska.

The first response was from Alaskan Amber who began college outside but returned to study at UAA and work in Anchorage.

# # #

I did not graduate from a university out of state but rather I went out and came back during college. I went to Salem, Oregon to Willamette University my first year. I found a very liberal community with professors who were more concerned with their own research and success than their students no matter what issues or topics their students raised. I found a community of people who were very accepting as long as you agreed with them. I was not ready to confront my family about being gay and I did not want to make myself “look lesbian” as the Gay student club there wanted their members to look. I was essentially shunned for this. I returned to Alaska to go to UAA and I found the opposite here.

Alaska as a whole is more conservative but the community at UAA and the Anchorage LGBTQA community embraced me to the point that I consider many of its members family. They supported me for who I am and did not push me beyond my comfort zone. They did encourage me to expand my comfort zone which allowed me to talk to my biological family after time. I have been working here in Alaska since the day I returned from Oregon.

Every environment I have been in has contained coworkers that were blatantly against the LGBT community. In some of the environments in larger corporations this was revealed in passing statements regarding something on the news or an upcoming event that was discussed in the break room. In the smaller environments, such as the family run law office I worked in for over two years, the coworkers have been much more harsh and rarely addressed if addressed at all for their hatred and inappropriate comments while on the clock. The comments turned into hateful actions toward me in two offices. One office it was immediately addressed and never occurred again. The other office, the aforementioned law office, the coworker’s behavior was only addressed once even though I complained to management multiple times and I finally ended up quitting. She is still employed at the office.

Some environments are totally accepting and there are no issues even if coworkers are hateful. It depends on the management and whether they are both accepting and willing to step in if necessary.

# # #

Thanks, Amber!

What is your experience of being LGBT in Alaska? Leave a comment below, or email us directly at Bent Alaska @ gmail .com (without the spaces), and we will include your response in a follow up post. And if you have another topic you’d like to see on Bent Alaska, please tell us about it!

Why should LGBT college students return to Alaska after graduation?

Bent Alaska received a great topic request from an Alaska-raised grad student who is studying in the lower 48: What is it like to be an openly LGBT professional in Alaska?

I’m a new reader to your blog and 18-year Alaskan. I left Alaska to go to university in 2005 and stayed for medical school. I’m currently in my seventh year. At my university there are usually about 5 or 6 kids from Alaska each year and inevitably, most are gay. In my year, only one of the kids from Alaska was not gay (and he was an awesome dude!)

It seems like a lot of young gay Alaskans get out of Alaska as soon as they can — that’s old news. What I’m interested in are those Alaskans who are gay who left, but went back.

Why did they choose to return? How have their experiences been? What is it like to be an out professional in Alaska? Rural v. urban? What kind of community awaits them? Did they return with a partner?

I’d love to read more in depth about this issue!

OK, readers — what do you think? Did you return after graduating from an out of state school? Tell us your reasons for returning, and what it’s like for you as an LGBT professional in Alaska. Leave a comment below, or email us directly at Bent Alaska @ gmail .com (without the spaces), and we will include your response in the follow up post. Help this university student and others decide where to start a career after graduation.

And if you have a topic you’d like to see on Bent Alaska, please tell us about it!

Photo: A crowd of college students at the 2007 Pittsburgh University Commencement, by Kit of Pittsburgh. Via Wikimedia Commons; used in accordance with Creative Commons licensing.

Speak out for the hate crimes bill

Nobody should have to go through what happened to Cody: coming out gay only to be rejected, bullied and even assaulted – which is bad enough – and then the police let the attacker go free after only one night in jail, with no further investigation or charges, free to attack again.

Senator Bettye Davis introduced a state hate crimes law this year that includes LGBT Alaskans. It was considered and approved by the Judiciary Committee, and sent to Finance. But a second hearing was not scheduled, although all of the documents that were requested were delivered.

It’s time for the Finance Committee to hold a hearing on SB 11, the Alaska Hate Crimes bill. How do we get them to schedule a hearing and vote? You know the answer to that: We contact them. All of us.

Fred Traber of Anchorage wrote to the legislators in support of SB 11. He told the Finance Committee:

“With less than three weeks left in the session, thousands of constituents around the state are concerned about the fate of SB 11, the Hate Crimes Bill.

Two weeks ago in Geneva, Switzerland, the United Nations Human Rights Council issued a joint statement co-sponsored by 85 countries – YES – 85 countries – calling for “Ending Acts of Violence and Related Human Rights Violations Based On Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity.”

And SB 11, the Alaska Hate Crimes Bill, has been held in the Senate Finance Committee since February 28.

Is there support for SB 11? Are your fellow legislators so much busier than the delegates from those 85 countries that they can’t find time for SB 11? Or don’t they care? Or maybe issues like the personalized pro-life license plates and designating the pre-1964 Winchester Model 70 caliber .30-06 caliber rifle as Alaska’s state gun are just more popular issues. Or is there another agenda here?”

Go, Fred!

Traber also notes that “SB 11 is one of the least complicated, non-financial issues before the legislature this year.”

Senator Ellis is the only committee member who replied:

“I am a cosponsor and have requested movement on the bill, as has the prime sponsor [Senator Davis]. I will continue to push. More Alaskans need to speak out for hate crimes bills to pass.” [emphasis mine]

It’s your turn to speak out.

Please contact the senators today and tell them to approve SB 11, the Alaska Hate Crimes bill.

Don’t let what happened to Cody – or worse – happen to other LGBT Alaskans.

– Thanks to Fred for being an active citizen and sharing his letter with us.