Articles tagged with: Felix Rouse
Another Target for Trolls (or, Airing Laundry)
by Lauren Tibbitts
Editor’s note: Bent Alaska would like to welcome Lauren Tibbitts as a regular contributor to Bent Alaska.
The following is a comment written Sunday, June 12 in response to the article “One Less Band” (Anchorage Press, 6/8/11) and its comments. For the full backstory, read the article and then comments from bottom to top at the Anchorage Press and the related story last week at Bent Alaska; for the nutshell, read this:
Felix Rouse, a Vietnam veteran, is a bandmember of the Wasilla-based band, Ogopogo. After they had been asked to perform at the Fairview Block Party this weekend, they had backed out, with Rouse citing that “he’d heard there would be fag shit on stage” and refused to play at the party.
“Rouse blames [Chris] Constant for not informing him up front
there would be a drag show at the block party. He says he
‘felt like an asshole’ for backing out of the booking, but he’s
‘not a fag guy'” (Brenden Joel Kelley, Anchorage Press).
Now imagine the remarks to follow THAT, from both sides of the spectrum. I do really suggest reading the entirety of the article and responses, they made me laugh. My response is below.
* * *
@Chris: Congratulations on throwing a very successful and fantastic party. I wish I could have gone and supported you and your efforts, but know I hold you in dear regard. I am so glad that the Anchorage community responded so positively to the block party. I hope to see pictures of it soon!
To the general public: I fervently hope you read all this. If not, you’ll miss the surprise plot twist.
Let me make another target for you. I’m an average student going to college, from a loving home with an amazing set of parents and extended family close-by. My brother and I grew up happy and healthy, with all our needs met to beyond compare and most of our wishes fulfilled as it was possible. Abuse was never a situation in my family, and my parents spent a lot of time with both my brother and I growing up. As an adult, I look back and see a very happy life, filled with positive influences up the wazoo; friends and lovers to my heart’s content; and generally a long 20 years without want. But even with this blissful life (which many others are not blessed with, and for which I am extremely thankful), I ‘turned out’ pansexual–meaning that I disregard gender in my relationships through life. This status has never fluctuated through my life, and I knew at a young age who I was. My parents love and accept me for who I am, and it has never impacted my life other than weeding out the close-minded individuals who I had, regrettably, come into contact with. I’ve never felt the urge to touch children or animals (because that’s just… I’m not going there, it’s not my thing. REALLY not my thing.), and no one in my community (my town) had ever come to me and said “You’re going straight to hell, you muff-diving little bitch” because A) that’s inappropriate to say to a 15 year old (that’s when I formally ‘came out’, though most people in my life knew long before then) and because that’s just plain rude and inhumane. Where is the wrongness in the above scenario? Oh, probably that no one came to set fire to a rainbow float in my yard, huh? Yeah, that’s probably it.
There are many theories on why people are gay and why others are straight while others go through the spectrum between. My favorite is “It’s a choice”. Believe me, When I say that I weeded out people I had once considered friends, it was a tough business. Being a 100%, no-vaginas-other-than-my-own-allowed straight girl would have been a BLESSING. It certainly would have made a lot of things easier, but I’ve been looking back over the years–growing up hearing bigots on the radio, TV, reading them in print– and wondering, when exactly did I choose to like and love women as well as men?
I’ve found my answer: Never.
I even asked the people in my life the same question, whether straight, gay, nonsexual, or in between: When did you choose your orientation? Everyone has answered some variant of “Never” (well, to be fair, there were a couple awkward pauses before the conversation was swiftly carried to a new topic, because…well, you don’t ask my religious, Republican grandparents ‘that kind of question’ out of the blue. They later both came back and said that there was never a time they chose what sex they appreciated romantically or sexually). My point is that there isn’t a choice. Of course, the above study isn’t scientific, but out of the thousands of people I’ve asked over the past five years, I’ve never gotten an answer indicating choice.
Now onto genetics, another favorite of mine. Is there a gay gene? (My best friend Gene is a wonderful gay man–and Catholic! Whodathunkit?–but I’m sure that’s not what we’re looking for here.) I have no idea. All I know is that my paternal grandfather is a gay man in a loving and committed relationship with his partner, and has always been gay–even when he was less-than-happily married to his wife, who always knew he was gay but married him anyway and granted me a wonderful father. (That’s drama for another story-time.) On my mother’s side, her paternal grandparents had three children of seven* declare they were either gay or lesbian early in their lives. Within three generations of myself, there are or were gays and lesbians. (And three of seven kids being not-straight-Steve/Sally? That knowledge always amuses me.)
If someone is so afraid of being diverse, I would advise them to think about it to themselves. Quietly. If you talk to people (or the general populace) about your feelings and thoughts, I would expect you to ready yourself for comments from wherever they come (because we all know that word spreads like wildfire). I respect Rouse’s (loudly stated) opinion on this matter, and would defend him (and like-minded individuals, of which there are an abundance) to the death for the right to say it– but I do believe that only a fool is unprepared for the consequence of conversation when airing laundry for public consumption. (Yes, that includes myself.)
Ogopogo, I wish you many blessings in the future. May your performances be many, and may they be at venues you approve of. I will never call your band for any gigs, paid or otherwise, and will recommend the (numerous) LGBT-friendly communities across Alaska to do the same. I dearly hope for you to get only what you want.
As for commentators who are clearly either homophobic, intolerant or otherwise disapproving of the ‘lifestyle’, as you call it: I only ask that you discriminate equally. If I’m a bad person, unclean and dirty and filthy and a lot of other names, for being attracted to people who self-identify as men and women, please, I ask you to hate me for also being Korean, Irish, Scottish, third-generation American on one side, Native/Indigenous People/First Nation of North America, bipolar, tall, middle-class, publicly schooled, fat, Wiccan, and the result of unwed, teenage parents. I’m certain that there are other reasons to discriminate against me, you’re free to find them. Hate my fellow LGBT citizens of the US for also being black, brown, Asian, white, African, thin, fat, rich, poor, sick, healthy, and a slew of other things.
Oh, I’m sorry. That means discriminating against us all for being American. That’s too bad… I’m sure your consciences will figure that one out. We are, after all, in the land of the free, right? Where people aren’t equal, where rights don’t matter if they’re not yours. I’m sorry, I forgot about that one.
Veterans and enlisted servicemen and -women of the country and of my family, thank you for proudly volunteering and serving our country and insuring the safety of our democratic political system, where people are “endowed certain unalienable Rights by their Creator, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness”. I will take my Rights and be cozy with the love of my life, and advise you to do the same, if you are able to.
*Edit: I had mistakenly thought that my great-grandparents had five children; in truth, they had seven. My mistake. –L
