A long-overdue Bent Alaska update — October 2013

"Priscilla, Queen of the Desert" at Mini Film Fest for Anchorage Pride

"The Big Gay Musical" at Mini Film Fest for Anchorage Pride

I’m from Alaska: True LGBT Stories

I had my first [coming out] conversation twenty-nine years ago, driving my friend, Trent, back from a high school dance in downtown Juneau to his house near mine in the Valley:

“I want to tell you something, but I’m afraid it could hurt our friendship, and I don’t want it to. It’s hard to talk about, and I’ve been avoiding telling you, but I want to.”

“Okay.”

“I’m gay.”

“Okay. It’s no big deal. Just slow down!” Apparently, my nervousness had caused me to tense up and clamp down, including clamping my foot down on the gas pedal.

“Well,” I thought afterward, “that went a lot better than I feared.”

There are gay stories from every corner of the Earth and I think they should be told. But why? What does it mean??

To the gay teens struggling to come out and deal with their sexuality, who to this day still attempt suicide 4 times more than straight kids, it says “you are not alone.” Other people have dealt with similar situations, families, communities and churches, and have overcome and are now living happy lives. It can happen for you, too. It gets soooo much better, I promise. Hang in there, kiddo.

And to the people who don’t support equal rights, it says we’re not all that different after all. We all have stories and problems and loves and lives just like everyone else. So maybe we should all be treated like everyone else, too.

“Mom, I have something I need to tell you.” I said, trying to find the words. “I don’t know how to tell you this, so I will just put it out there. I am gay.”

There are some things in my life that I never considered that I would be sharing with my mother, or any of my family for that matter. I never saw my preference in a love partner as anyone’s business but mine. The climate of hostility that still surrounds the issue of gay and lesbian people only secured the thought in my mind. All of that changed last year.

In January of 2009 a good friend of mine, Chris, passed away from complications with the HIV virus. I took his death hard, but in a way it helped me more than I knew at the time. The whole time that I knew Chris he pushed me to talk with my family about being gay. He told me that the closet put so much stress on me that I wasn’t even able to see yet. When he passed away I was finally able to see what he meant.

For over a month I was not able to discuss with anyone that a close friend of mine had just died. I was not able to cry about it. I was not able to deal with the feelings that his death brought up in me. Instead these feelings were only allowed to fester and grow inside of me until I could not bear it anymore.

I called my mom one morning. “Mom, we need to talk. Would it be alright if I came over tonight?”

“I would love to talk with you, John.” She said. “Come over when I get home from work.”

Even with the now obvious stress that keeping quiet was putting on me, I almost backed down. I almost chose to remain silent. The level of hostility that still remains in society around the issue of gay and lesbian people scared me enough that I was not sure how my own mother would take this news.

“Mom, I have something I need to tell you. I don’t know how to tell you this, so I will just put it out there. I am gay.”

“I am not shocked.” my mother said.

“Is that all?” I asked, ready for any response.

“John, I still love you. I am not shocked by this. If you are going to choose to explore this path, I will support you. There may come a time when things change for you. You don’t really know who you are until you are a bit older.” she said.

I had a mixture of feelings. Mostly overwhelming joy, though. There was a subtle hint of annoyance, but joy overpowered this. She still loved me. These were the words I was hoping to hear for longer than I realized.

“What made you want to tell me this now?” She asked me.

I explained to her that I had a friend that had died recently, and that having to hide this part of me meant having to hide my pain in relation to him.

The conversation went long into the night. There were a lot of happy tears mixed with some sad ones. When the conversation drew to a close my mom offered these last words.

“John, I want you to be happy. If this is what will make you happy I will support you. If you bring someone home, though, be sure it is someone I would approve of, male or female.”

In the months since this I have had similar conversations with the other members of my family. I look back on the last 9 years that I spent hiding with a lot of regret. I somehow allowed other people’s fear and misunderstanding of gay and lesbian people to damage and restrain my relationships with my family. I spent nearly a decade hiding from myself. Now I will spend the next decade, and longer, working to ensure that the next generation will not have to hide from themselves, or anyone else.

I leave you with the words of the author Dr. Seuss. “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”

Alaska pays for Parnell’s date with Colorado homophobes

Gov. Sean Parnell traveled out of state this week at the request of anti-gay, anti-choice Focus on the Family to discuss their theories on domestic violence, foster care and adoption — and Alaska paid for his trip, according to two reports in the Alaska Dispatch. FotF pushes dangerous pray-away-the-gay methods, opposes any recognition of same-sex relationships, and called children raised by gay parents “human guinea pigs.”

Parnell left Anchorage Monday afternoon to travel to Colorado, where he had been invited by Focus on the Family leadership, according to spokeswoman Sharon Leighow. Although the invitation was extended by Focus on the Family, the trip was paid for by the state, and Parnell was accompanied by a state aide. Leighow said she didn’t know yet how much the trip cost.

“Focus on the Family shared many good ideas that the governor could utilize in Alaska,” Leighow said. “That was the purpose of the trip.” (We didn’t ask Leighow whether the governor has received similar invitations from, say, PFLAG or the Colorado Springs Pride Center.)

Leighow said she didn’t know whether the organization identified particular areas of interest when it invited Parnell to Colorado, but was able to say that the governor traded ideas about domestic violence, foster care and adoption with Focus on the Family CEO Jim Daly and other senior staff. Focus on the Family and its political arm, CitizenLink, are active in the anti-abortion movement, but Leighow said as far as she knew, the issue of abortion was not discussed at the meeting.

FotF’s ideas about domestic violence, foster care and adoption do not include anything positive for LGBT families. In an article against same-sex families, FotF’s Glenn Stanton drew dire conclusions from a few studies on kids in heterosexual step-parent families, declared that all same-sex families are comparable to heterosexual step-parent families, and wrote that children of same-sex parents may be at higher risk for abuse because non-biological parents have no real connection to their children.

So, we must ask, “Is it wise to enter the same-sex family experiment with a generation of children so we can learn how it will turn out?” Is it ethical to turn thousands of children into human guinea pigs? The answer must be a resounding “no.”

The hate watch site Good As You wrote last week:

Focus on the Family dedicates much time to keeping same-sex couples away from adoption, foster care, and a whole host of protections that strengthen LGBT families. And of course they work every day to deny a fair shake to gay kids and/or the kids of gay parents… [They] talk only about the kind of “strong family environment” that’s defined by evangelism and heterosexuality.

Is Parnell planning an election campaign based on taking away adoption and foster care rights from same sex parents?

ACTION: Anchorage Mayor appoints homophobe to school commission during LGBT Pride Month – Contact the Assembly

UPDATE: The Assembly heard our concerns and voted on June 22 to postpone Bronson’s appointment indefinitely! Happy Pride Week to all.

* * *

What was he thinking?! Anchorage Mayor Dan Sullivan appointed rabidly anti-gay Dave Bronson, founder and president of the Alaska Family Council and long time member of Anchorage Baptist Temple, to sit on the School Budget Advisory Commission – and he tried to sneak Bronson through the Assembly confirmation vote at last night’s meeting, while progressive Assembly member and PrideFest 2010 grand marshal Elvi Gray-Jackson is out of town.

Bronson is the guy who threatened then-Assembly Chair Debbie Ossiander last summer, saying the AFC would blame her personally for the failure to stop the gays if Ordinance 64 passed. He even highlights his anti-gay activities in his resume, reaching back to his role in the 1994 repeal of the previous equal rights ordinance to show why he thinks he should be on the School Budget Commission.

As for his finance background – none. His education degree – zip. His kids’ experience with the Anchorage school district – nope, they were home schooled. What are his qualifications? According to the resume he submitted for the school position, he leads a bible ministry, is a retired pilot, and has spent the past two decades being a professional homophobe.

Last night, the Assembly voted 6-4 to postpone the confirmation vote until their next meeting, on Tuesday June 22, when all members will be present. Yes, that’s right, they might confirm this hater four days before Alaska’s PrideFest!

Please contact the Assembly today and oppose Bronson’s appointment: wwmas@muni.org for the whole Assembly, and HERE for the list of assembly email addresses and phone numbers.

Also contact Mayor Sullivan and ask that he withdraw the appointment: mayor@muni.org and (907) 343-7100.

* * *

Addendum, 6 Feb 2011: The resume submitted Bronson submitted for the position is no longer available on the Municipality of Anchorage website. However, a post at The Mudflats from 8 Jun 2010 lists the “qualifications” he presented in his resume:

• Member of the Anchorage Baptist Temple since 1992
• Founding board member and current Chairman of the Board of the Alaska Family Council
• Volunteer Coordinator for the Repeal of the Homosexual Ordinance, Municipality of Anchorage 1994
• Officer District 30, Republican Party of Alaska
• Leader AWANA Children’s Bible Ministry
• With Alaska Family Council helped lead the effort against MOA O-64 [the 2009 Anchorage equal rights ordinance]
• With Alaska Family Action, helped lead Alaskans for Parental Rights parental notification petition drive

Safe space or “brain drain” at University of Alaska?

Did you know that the University of Alaska is the only state university system in America that does not have sexual orientation in their non-discrimination policy? All of the other 49 state university systems include sexual orientation as a protected group, and almost half include gender identity and/or expression in their non-discrimination policies.<

At Thursday’s meeting in Anchorage, students Tristan (UAF), Mark (UAA) and Lauren (Juneau) mentioned this fact when they asked the UA Regents to add sexual orientation to the university system’s policy. UA students have been making this request at almost every public Regents meeting for over a year. Pat Gamble, the new UA President, met them in the lobby.

“I’ve got a Board in there who are basically my bosses,” joked Gamble, “and if I’m to influence them in any way, I need to know more about this. We should set up a meeting so I can learn more.”

The Regents said earlier this year that they would take up the students’ request during 2010. Hopefully, they will and Gamble will be a supportive influence.

Meanwhile, the students have done their homework by collecting facts on university non-discrimination policies around the country and incidents of LGBT discrimination at UA campuses, and have honed their speech-writing skills. By asking politely at meeting after meeting, they show their determination to do what needs to be done. They rock!

To show you just how they rock, two of the presentations given at the meeting are posted below. Here is the testimony that Tristan gave at the Board of Regents meeting:

Hello! As you know, my name is Tristan Walsh. I am here representing in part the University of Alaska Fairbanks Gay-Straight Alliance. We are here to renew our offer of co-operation and partnership with the Board of Regents in updating the University of Alaska Non-discrimination policy.

As you all know, the policy currently lacks language protecting the lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender students, staff and faculty. As I brought to your attention last meeting, the University of Alaska is the only statewide university system to not have these protections in their non-discrimination policy. All other 49 statewide university systems include sexual orientation in their non-discrimination policies. I have emailed a compilation of these non-discrimination policies to you to provide easy access. For the University of Alaska to not have this simple addendum is a severe drawback to a state that has to fight brain drain and increased challenges in recruiting talented staff, faculty, athletes, and students.

The language that we seek to change is to include the phrase “sexual orientation”. In defining the term, we strongly propose that the term encompass the additional phrases of gender identity and gender expression. Transgender students and staff are often the ones who face the most persecution or misanthropy in the workplace and school. The UA system already has transgender students, and they face difficulties daily on our campuses. Again, I would express our dedication in helping to outline these terms and what exactly it entails for the university. Frankly, it means making our university competitive with outside university systems when it comes to recruiting staff and students. Almost half of the outside state university systems also include gender identity and/or expression in their language.

On our end, the University of Alaska Fairbanks Gay-Straight Alliance has been doing our own work to make the university a safer place. Called the Safe Space training program, we are seeking to create tools for staff, faculty and students to address issues faced by LGBT students and staff. Working with the Department of Multicultural Affairs and Diversity, as well as the Women’s Center, it seeks to equip an educational institution with the tools it needs to understand and communicate with its LGBT students: the issues and circumstances such as coming out, dealing with homophobia in the residence halls or workplace, and providing the ability to deal constructively with an LGBT student population that will likely only increase at the university.

This brings me full circle to the subject of the non-discrimination policy. This will be a capstone measure for the policies already being created by efforts such as the Safe Space program. We’d really love for you guys, or just one or two of you, next time you’re in Fairbanks, please drop in. The door is always open and we’d love to show you how the program works and how people are trained and what effect it can have. Their work can only go so far if they are not helped by the Board of Regents in official university policy.

In closing, I would like to highlight that these proposed changes are in fact not that radical. They in fact would be aligning university policies that already exist, and updating the university’s policies to the same standards found in the secondary school districts. In closing, I’d like to cite a particular policy it will agree with:

“The University of Alaska inspires learning, and advances and disseminates knowledge through teaching, research, and public service, emphasizing the North and its diverse peoples”.

So I’d really like you to come by some time at UAF or UAA or UAS and see how truly diverse this university really is, and why that’s worth protecting. Thank you and have a good day.

And here is Lauren’s testimony to the UA Regents:

Hello, my name is Lauren Tibbitts and I am an incoming freshman for UAF; I am representing both the Juneau Gay-Straight Alliance chapters and, in part, the UAF GSA club, in the effort to amend the Non-Discrimination policy.

While making my list of colleges to attend this coming year, I had, at first, wanted to attend UAA. This way I could remain close to my family and it was cheaper than attending a school out of state. It would also be ideal for my involvement in many social causes, including the Gay-Straight Alliance and other gay-rights and equality groups, as I am well-acquainted with many members of the diverse LGBT community in our state.
I had applied, unaware that Alaska is the only state whose university system does not cover sexual orientation in their Non-Discrimination policy. After learning this fact I immediately looked elsewhere for my post-secondary education; I was willing to pay more money to attend a school that would not make me compromise my morals just to save on tuition costs and other expenses. I spent hundreds of dollars to apply to five other schools that did include sexual orientation, at the very least, in their own discrimination policies before I heard of the campaign the UAF GSA was leading to amend the policy.

As I learned more about what the UAF chapter had been doing, my Juneau GSA chapter decided to get involved, hosting events and writing about the lack of equal protection in our state on our networking sites, local newspapers, talking to whomever would listen. In the end I had personally gathered a pledge from almost one hundred students who decided they will not attend a University of Alaska school if the policy is not amended. Using only the projected tuition figures for this coming school year, that is a sum of almost $535,900 that the university system would not be getting because of a lack of protection for the LGBT students attending at the different campuses.

It is very important that the policy is amended to include sexual orientation, and that the term cover both gender identity and gender expression as well; in fact, I’m not the only one it is important to. I am here today because of the gracious businesses and individuals in Juneau who donated to my fund to come here in order to give this testimony.

In the coming school year I will be serving as the UAF GSA chapter president and am committed to seeing the amendment pass and cooperating with the Board of Regents to find language that would adequately provide protection for all students. I am not the only one with a vested interest in seeing the amendment go through, either. At your February meeting you heard the emotional testimony from a UAF student, Karen, whose roommate made her life a living hell because of her orientation, and whose RA was either uninterested, because of a lack of impetus to quickly resolve the situation, or unequipped to deal with the situation due to the absence of sufficient support from the overseeing Board of Regents. Either way, it was a horrendous experience for Karen, who is but one student attending the university.

When a student applies and is accepted to a university, there is a level of trust given by them to the university–trust in that their new home will protect them from people who would do them harm, trust that they will be safe there. Karen trusted the university to help her in her hour of need but she fell through the cracks; her RA simply told her to ‘talk things out’, as if either party could have convinced the other of their point of view and resolve the situation that way. Unless you declare equal protection to include sexual orientation, gender identity and gender expression, we will never know the true numbers of harassment cases on the campus regarding these three things. We will never fully enable the students to thrive while in the university because we do not give them the assurance that they are and will be safe from emotional, verbal, and physical harm.
Students will look at applying to schools the way I did–choosing, if at all possible, to go to a university that does include sexual orientation at the very least in their non-discrimination policy over one that does not. If people do not want to come here, of course you will not be able to attract the highest caliber of students, faculty and staff. No one wants to be at a university that is sub-par, and with the 49 other state-wide university systems whose policies cover orientation, students have a veritable buffet of choices to choose from. How can we expect to convince them to attend our state’s schools if they have better options?

New LGBT Caucus Named in honor of Dan Carter-Incontro

The LGBT Democratic Caucus has officially been named after the late Dan Carter-Incontro, Alaska’s first openly gay delegate to the Democratic Convention, with the endorsement of Dan’s husband, Al Carter-Incontro. Dan passed away on April 18.

The next meeting of the LGBT Dan Carter-Incontro Democratic Caucus is on Monday, June 7 from 6-8 p.m. at ADP Headquarters, 2602 Fairbanks Street in Anchorage.

They are currently working on a candidate questionnaire and a candidate forum, which is tentatively scheduled for Tuesday June 22 with the Democratic gubernatorial candidates. If you want to help with the forum and become involved in electing Democratic candidates who support LGBT issues, please attend the meeting.

Also, they are looking for Democrats to march in the PrideFest parade in downtown Anchorage on June 26. The party has applied for and been granted a slot in Alaska PrideFest “2010: A Pride Odyssey”. If you can participate, please call Bert Mead, Interim Chairperson, at 694-7528. Staging for the parade begins at 10 am and the parade starts at 11 am.

The caucus wants to involve more people statewide and is setting up conference calling ability for statewide participation, but they don’t have the arrangements completed for that yet. Stay tuned.

“Exciting things are happening in the Democratic Party and we want our caucus to be a part of the change we seek in our state legislature,” said Mead.

McDonald’s gay ad goes viral (video)

McDonald’s France has released a new ad campaign called “Come As You Are” which promotes the fast food chain as a place where diversity is welcomed. Their bittersweet gay-themed ad went viral this week. Some LGBT blogs asked why they chose a closeted gay youth instead of an openly gay character. Then Bill O’Reilly of FOX declared that it would never run in America and compared it to an ad welcoming Muslim terrorists.

Watch the gay-themed McDonald’s ad and see for yourself:

AK Queerlympics begins today

LaMex for Four A’s, DoB at Pride, Softball, HIV testing & AYP in Fairbanks