A long-overdue Bent Alaska update — October 2013

Pentagon’s DADT spouse survey & letters from same sex partners

Dear General Ham and Mr. Johnson:

In 1990 – while working as a reference librarian at the Library of Congress — I met Joan Darrah, an active duty Naval Officer. I already knew about “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” but I soon woke up to the harsh reality that loved ones of gay and lesbian family members are forced to serve in silence, too.

Over the years, Joan had adjusted to living two lives — in the closet at work and out after hours. For me, it was a bit of an adjustment as I had been fortunate to work for an employer who valued my skills and expertise and realized that my being a lesbian in no way detracted from my ability to do a great job.

I knew that Joan could be deployed at any moment. She may be away from home for two or three years. I realized that being with an active duty military officer was even more constricting than I could have possibly imagined and I worried constantly about Joan’s well being. Yet, through it all, I knew our relationship was worth the compromises. I knew we had to make it work for Joan to continue to serve our Country.

There were so many things that we had to be careful about. For example, Joan had asked that I not call her at work unless it was truly an emergency. When we were out in public if Joan saw someone from work, I learned to “disappear,” until Joan’s co-worker moved on. We didn’t dare go to nice restaurants on Valentine’s Day or even Saturday nights. We could not show any familiarity while out in public. I went to parties at colleagues’ homes alone lest a guest I didn’t know learn that Joan was in the Navy.

The events of September 11, 2001, caused us both appreciate more fully the true impact of DADT on our lives and the reality of our mutual sacrifices. At 8:30 a.m. that morning, Joan went to a meeting in the Pentagon. At 9:30 a.m., she left that meeting. At 9:37 a.m., the plane flew into the Pentagon and destroyed the exact space that Joan had left less than eight minutes earlier, killing seven of her colleagues.

In the days and weeks that followed, Joan went to several funerals and memorial services for her co-workers who had been killed. Most people attended these services with their spouses whose support was critical at this difficult time, yet Joan was forced to go alone, even though I really wanted to be with her to provide support.

As the numbness began to wear off, it hit me how incredibly alone I would have been had Joan been killed. The military is known for how it pulls together and helps people; we talk of the “military family,” which is a way of saying we always look after each other, especially in times of need. But, none of that support would have been available for me, because under DADT, I didn’t exist.

In fact, I would have been one of the last people to know had Joan been killed, because nowhere in her paperwork or emergency contact information had Joan dared to list my name.

Whenever I hear Joan recount the events of that day, I relive it and realize all over again how devastated I would have been had she been killed. I also think of the partners of service members injured or killed in Iraq and Afghanistan. They are unable to get any support from the military and they must be careful about the amount of support they offer to their closeted service member loved ones.

The events of September 11th caused us to stop and reassess exactly what was most important in our lives. During that process, we realized that this discriminatory law was causing us to make a much bigger sacrifice than either of us had ever admitted.

Eight months later, in June 2002, Joan retired from the U.S. Navy, and I retired from the Library of Congress. If it wasn’t for DADT, we might both still be serving in our respective positions.

Primary election: Hollis and Ethan on LGBT rights (results)

“This year’s effort to expand the meaning of ‘equal protection’ was the ordinance passed by the Anchorage Assembly that would have prohibited discrimination in jobs and housing based on sexual orientation, much the same way that discrimination is prohibited based on race, gender, age and religion. As we all know, the measure was vetoed by Mayor Sullivan and the Assembly was one vote short of an override. That setback for the civil rights of Alaska’s citizens will someday be righted; perhaps through a citizen’s initiative, or perhaps through the election of a new mayor, or through the election of one more equal-rights minded assembly member.

“Thus, the struggle goes on. The tide of history is clear, though. We are on the right side of this issue, and we will prevail.”

45% of Alaskans support same sex marriage

“A CNN poll this month found that a narrow majority of Americans supported same-sex marriage — the first poll to find majority support. Other poll results did not go that far, but still, on average, showed that support for gay marriage had risen to 45 percent or more (with the rest either opposed or undecided)…

In 2008, the year Proposition 8 was approved, just under half of Californians supported same-sex marriage. Today, according to polls, more than half do. A similar shift has occurred in Maine, where same-sex marriage legislation was repealed by ballot measure in 2009.

In both New York and New Jersey, where state legislatures in the past have defeated proposals to allow same-sex marriage, a majority now support it.

And support for same-sex marriage has increased in all states, even in relatively conservative places like Wyoming and Kentucky. Only Utah is still below where national support stood in 1996.”

Sara’s News Roundup 8/22/10

Fairbanks officer discharged under DADT

Hopkins, once the fourth-ranking graduate of West Point out of 933 cadets and an officer who led three combat missions in Iraq and Afghanistan, was kicked out of the Army for being gay. His last day of service was Tuesday in Fairbanks, Alaska. He left behind — grudgingly — nine years of risking his life and training soldiers.

“I love the Army, I’ve always loved the Army. Otherwise I wouldn’t have spent nine years depriving myself of the ability to have happy personal relationships with others,” Hopkins said on “The Rachel Maddow Show” on MSNBC.

Fourteen months ago, on the same day he learned he was going to be promoted to major a year early, Hopkins was told by his battalion commander that he had been outed for being gay. After years of paranoia — he didn’t fully realize he was gay until after graduating from West Point — the fatigue of living a lie had caught up with him.

“It’s a job that we risk dying doing, and yet we have to be more scared of somebody realizing we’re gay, more paranoid about that, than whether the enemy is going to blow us up,” Hopkins said, referring to the more than 14,000 gay people who have been kicked out of the military. “You have to keep that all secret and tell lots of lies.”

“It’s time for the best, most powerful military in the world to allow gays to serve in the armed forces.”

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Protesting 101: How to make fun of anti-gay bigots

Alaska conservative supports LGBT rights: "Their time is coming"

“why gays and lesbians are forced to fight so hard for rights the rest of us take for granted. How did we come to believe — and blindly accept — that gays and lesbians have fewer rights? How did we start being comfortable thinking of them as lesser people, second-class citizens at best?

As a conservative, I wonder at those who think the Constitution takes sides, picks winners and losers. Count me among those who believe it protects us all equally; that it means what it says and exists to provide equal opportunity and freedom from an oppressive government. No one group has more rights than any other. I’ve read the Alaska Constitution, and nowhere does it say, “except for gay people or anybody different,” and I’m here to report the U.S. Constitution does not either, at least the copy I read. In no place did I find, “but not gays or people we are not particularly fond of.”

Too many of us believe our prejudices somehow trump those documents; that our hatreds are somehow codified in them and therefore acceptable; that some of us, incredibly, do not deserve the same protections as others.

Some believe that enshrining religious beliefs and taboos in a constitution is not only acceptable but necessary. Face it, in this country you are allowed to hate anyone — as long as you do not act on your hatred. You are allowed to think what you want, feel what you want, resent, loathe or despise anybody who strikes your fancy. You can be prejudiced. You can be a jerk. But you have no more rights than anybody else — straight or gay.

Too often, too many of us forget that. We use our differences and our fear of gays and lesbians to demean them, at least constitutionally. We have no right.

No matter the outcome of the ACLU lawsuit against the city and state, or the California federal court decision, gays and lesbians are here — and have been since the dawn of time. They are part of our community. Now they are demanding the rights we have denied them, and it is increasingly difficult, even for bigots, to justify denying gays and lesbians the very rights we take for granted.

Their time is coming soon. Get used to the idea. We’ll all be better for it.”

Sara’s News Roundup 8/15/10

One year after the Assembly passed Ordinance 64

Shelby Carpenter, the ACLU of Alaska’s LGBT director, wrote a guest editorial “Discrimination puts all Alaskans at risk” in this week’s Anchorage Press. She looks at the effects of Mayor Sullivan’s veto of the equal rights ordinance passed by the Assembly on August 11 one year ago, and looks ahead to the ACLU’s tax discrimination case. She concludes:

“In an age when gay couples are constantly in the media, when we watch “Will and Grace” on TV and see “Brokeback Mountain” in the movie theatre, it can be easy to forget that lesbian, gay, and transgender equality is about livelihoods rather than lifestyles. Because of discrimination, gay and transgender Alaskans suffer economically. Supporting equal rights is as simple as supporting the right of all Alaskans to earn a living and provide for their families.

“In this economy, no one should lose a job for reasons that have nothing to do with their job performance. We know that Anchorage is better than this.

“Alaska’s lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender community and allies encourage the Anchorage Assembly to act once more to make the fair treatment of all Alaskans the law. As a community we can and must move forward.”

Prop 8 stay denied: Marriages resume on August 18