Articles in News
Rev. Bess on DADT and the business of marriage
Rev. Howard Bess is a retired American Baptist minister who lives in Palmer, Alaska, and an ally of the LGBT community. This essay on gay equality – in church, in the military and in government recognition of relationships – appeared in the Religion section of the Mat-Su Frontiersman:
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“Don’t ask, don’t tell” is everywhere
I have been involved in advocacy for justice for our gay citizens for over 35 years. I have long been an advocate of full acceptance of gay people in our churches. No position in our churches, including the office of ordained clergy, should be denied. No blessing of our churches should be withheld. Gay people are ordinary folk. They live in our communities in abundance. For churches to impose different standards on our gay neighbors is a grand absurdity.
The time is long past to welcome our gay friends in our churches.
Along side the struggle for gay acceptance in our churches, is the pursuit of equality under the laws of our country. Under what provision of our Constitution can we possibly deny gay people the honor of serving in the military? Under what provision of our Constitution can we deny the same legal privileges and protections to committed gay couples that we provide to heterosexual couples?
As the discussions and arguments have developed, specific concerns have crystallized. Within the churches’ discussions, ordination and marriage have become central. In the realm of governmental bodies, service in the military and legal recognition of gay couples are core issues.
Fifty years from now, I have no doubt about the standards that will be commonly acceptable. Gay people will serve freely in the military. Discrimination based on sexual orientation will be long gone. Most denominations will have congregations that are served by gay priests and ministers, who have partners. Gay couples will associate freely with heterosexual couples. Americans will look back with amazement that discrimination against gay people was ever accepted, advocated and defended.
Just as we look back and wonder how we could have ever denied women the right to vote, so we will also look back and wonder how we could have denied gay people basic rights and privileges.
Just as we look back and wonder how we could have tolerated slavery based on race, so also we will look back and wonder how we could have treated gay people so shabbily.
What will it take to put this nightmare of injustice behind us?
The easiest part is to get rid of “don’t ask; don’t tell.” To rid our military branches of this burden, an act of Congress is needed. I suspect the votes are present to pass the legislation. Opposition by military leaders is rapidly melting away. Implementation will be smooth and simple. In the past few months, [hate crimes] legislation that covers sexual orientation has been passed by Congress and signed into law.
The thorniest issue to be resolved is marriage. As the argument has developed, the word marriage has become the issue. Gay activists want the word. Religious bodies want to protect the word from legal use by gay couples. Government has become unnecessarily entangled in the conflict. A growing number of people are saying that the real issues are justice and equality, not marriage. I could not agree more.
Much of the responsibility for the confusion lies at the feet of churches and ministers. A wall of separation between churches and government has served our nation very well. As a Baptist and an advocate of the wall of separation, I ask myself, “Why are religious bodies and their ministers involved in legalizing marriage? Have we become unnecessarily entangled in an issue that is not ours?”
The system now works like this: A couple who wants legal benefits for their relationship goes to the courthouse or the city hall and gets a license to marry. The couple sometimes goes to a judge, a mayor, or (in Alaska) a willing friend. More often a couple finds a willing minister. There are no particular words that must be uttered. The important step is that someone signs the license and returns it to the appropriate governmental office. There is nothing intrinsically religious about the process.
I once knew a retired minister who hung around the city clerk’s office. His services were on the spot. He made a nice living. He had no personal or religious relationship with his clients. It was a business proposition. This is an unusual illustration, but it serves a point. Is this the system churches want to legally protect by enshrining the word marriage?
Churches and ministers should get completely out of the business of legalizing human relationships by whatever name. We should not be servants of government in any circumstance.
To my many gay friends, I ask, “Why are you hung up on the word marriage?” Turn loose of the word. Your real issue is equal rights under the law.
There are many couples, gay and non-gay, who want the blessing of God on their relationship. It is the job of clergy to formalize that blessing. I have come to the conclusion that such a service should have nothing to do with legalizing their relationship. It is a profoundly religious service. Furthermore, in such a setting the relationship can be called anything the minister and the couple want.
Representatives of all parties involved need to get together and formulate a workable system. We are involved in a disagreement that has lasted much too long.
Advice from a (former) Hater: Gay in small town Alaska
Memoirs of a Badman is a blog about a gay family in rural Alaska. The blogger, identified only as Z, writes about life with his bipolar husband K, and K’s young daughter A. In this post, a homophobic neighbor sees that Z and K are going through a difficult time and offers support and advice, with unexpected consequences:
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Have you ever got the best advice from your hater?
That might not be the exact thing that happened to me, yet it was pretty much the same.
On a pretty frigid sunny (or sunny frigid) winter noon… well, it was past 3 so it must have been afternoon. Anyway, me and A were out enjoying ourselves. Actually she was trying her brand new bike with Pinkie sitting in the front seat aka the yellow plastic basket.
As usual I was half mad, half worried and slightly happy sharing the joy of riding something as cool as a pink new bike with little A.
My reasons were clear: after long hours of negotiating (read begging on my knees), K’s former boss accorded giving a job to K. Since no one is crazy enough to come to an icy hell at this time of year when the temperature tends to go below 0, K’s job was still vacant, so in reality he got his old job back. So the following day K was going to work after several jobless months and to me he looked anything but ready.
Firstly, most of the weekend he was sick with stomachache.
Secondly, he was still sleeping 12+ hours a day.
Thirdly, he looked extremely depressed.
Lastly, he made me worried and helpless not knowing what to do.
To sum it up, I knew there was something I could do, however I had no idea what it was.
Deeply consumed in my thoughts, we reached A’s favorite place, the Pinkie’s park.
Excitedly she ran to the play-ground, ignoring the possibility of her bike hitting the ground, so I had to loosen my thoughts and cover the distance to grab the bike before experiencing any close contact with the ice beneath. Thanks God I’m not that old yet and I can still react quick enough.
The night in AK approaches fast, besides the darkness and cold is not something you want to face often, thus we had to return home soon.
Walking down the street, oblivious to my surroundings, the only thing that could catch my attention was the tires screeching on the icy road.
“Hey Z, it’s gettin dark, let us give you a ride.” The driver said stopping a few inches away from A’s bike. It was our neighbors.
Though the lady is extremely friendly, her husband is so different and amuses me to no end. Before going to Boston, he looked like one of the gay-bashing crowd, however, since our return, he’s become unbelieving friendly. The reason is still unknown but I will share as soon as I find out.
With no intention of turning into ice blocks, I accepted their offer. 10 minutes later, A and pinkie were back to their carrot party and the couple was sitting on the warm and cozy couch, ready to taste the new recipe I made for lunch, salmon sushi rolls.
K didn’t like it but A absolutely loved it so I needed more volunteers to decide on making it again or not.
******
“Why don’t you seduce him?” E, the neighbor, blurted out while helping me with cleaning up.
“Excuse me?” I was pretty sure we were not on the same page.
“K’s your husband, isn’t he?”
“Not here. Anyway, what’s your point?”
“As far as I know there’s no husband-wife role/boundary in gay relationships, right?”
I nodded.
“So what are you waiting for? You don’t think it’s his responsibility to always initiate everything, do you?”
“Initiate what? You don’t have any idea what you are talking about. I’m giving him some time and a little space. That’s it.”
I shrugged my shoulders and started covering the plates with washing liquid (maybe too much of that).
“You are letting him go, losing him. If you’re not willing to do anything on your own, me and H (his wife) are more than willing to help.”
“Correct me please. Wasn’t it you a while ago who asked your wife not to ever talk to the queer couple living next door? Weren’t you the one who left your garbage at our front door? Weren’t you calling us names not long ago? Should I continue or is it enough?”
He went quiet and I bit my lower lip not to say something I might regret later, rolled up my sleeves and dug deep in the sink to find the invisible spoons.
But the silence was cutting deep into my conscience. I knew I didn’t have to be mean to the guy who tried hard to be nice, but I was pissed off with all the people pretending to be nice to us when they were all S.O.B.s.
“Sorry for harassing you guys, I didn’t know you well at the time and misjudged you.” He broke the silence standing close to me. Too close actually that he was right in the middle of my private space, shredding it to pieces. I could feel his warmth and smell and it felt so good I wanted to lean my head on his shoulder, I wanted to feel his skin under mine, I wanted to smell him, taste him, devour him…………….
WHAT THE FUCK AM I THINKING? I nearly crashed my head against the cabinet when he rested his hand on my shoulder.
“My wife adores you guys and missed you a lot. It’s good to have you back, we thought you weren’t coming again. She will feel devastated to lose you or see you break-up.”
I almost didn’t hear his explanation, still shocked of my own thoughts… God what was wrong with me? I’ve never fancied another guy, let alone a homophobic one.
******
Follow the adventures of Z and K, their daughter, relatives, and neighbors in rural Alaska on the blog Memoirs of a Badman.
Alaskan witness to Uganda Anti-Gay Rally
Amber lived in Alaska before going to work in Uganda. Last week she witnessed an anti-gay demonstration, and the experience triggered this response, forwarded by a reader:
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I’ve got to put this down…
its 11:57 pm and i’m sweaty and tired. after emails and phone meetings and evening shopping at the market and necklace class and compound hunting and lots of other things, sleep should come easy. maybe it’s too much sweet tea or monitor glare.
today my progress was twice blocked by an anti-homosexual march. i was driving down main street and noticed some mzungus (white people) on motorbikes carrying pastel-colored signs and honking horns and yelling. i was intrigued until i read the signs. the crowd driving and marching down the street got thicker until the whole road was blocked. by that time i was trying to make a right-hand turn across that side of main street. (yes, we drive on the left here) and was trapped watching as hundreds walked and drove carrying signs of the most hateful nature. i eventually made my right turn and did my commercial business and there they were again, blocking my path for a second time. i don’t often feel rageful, but sometimes i think indignation is appropriate.
today i hated americans. i hate right-wing religious zealots who think its ok to promote the government-sanctioned killing of people they don’t like in places where government-sanctioned killing turns into genocide. i hate people who incite an underfed, undereducated population into taking to the streets when angry mobs kill people who happen to cross their paths. i hate all people who just watched the hatred go by. i hate that this is another reason not to live in this place and trust these people. i hate that colonialist westerners continue to come here and leave their oppressive, self-loathing fear of everything behind. i hate that this country will be seen as ignorant and intolerant and will be ignored by NGOs who say they are only here to help. i hate the sanctimonious bullshit that comes out of black and white mouths. i hate that people i love don’t want to come here to visit me because they will have to hide who they are.
later in the day, i realized there are more things i hate. i hate that women i know have to have more children than they know they can take care of. i hate that they have to choose between getting their teeth fixed and feeding their children. i hate that they don’t know that soda causes cavities and that they don’t know what cavities are. i hate that their clothes are ripped and falling apart and pregnant women wear shirts they can’t button because they don’t have any other clothes. i hate that they aren’t hateful and are able laugh and smile and have a good time while they are experiencing these things. i hate when i see this and i feel small and stupid. i hate that i whine about paper cuts and sweatyness to people who have teeth pulled with no anesthesia and have never experienced indoor plumbing. i hate that they show me that i have the choice to be hateful.
it’s 12:16 am. a new day. maybe today i won’t be hateful. maybe i’ll look at what i have and what i have done and feel satisfied that the equation balances. maybe i’ll go use my indoor plumbing and accept the truth that it just takes more everything to keep me alive and functioning and i’m lucky because i’ve never had to suffer. maybe i’ll go to sleep and feel better because
Amber
Monday, February 15, 2010
Sara’s News Roundup 2/21/10
This week’s LGBT news roundup from Sara Boesser in Juneau, Alaska.
Advocate, February 22, 2010
Grinnell, Iowa, Advocate, February 18, 2010
Albania, UPI, February 16, 2010
Sydney, Australia, Sydney Morning Herald, February 3, 2010
Berlin, AFP, February 17, 2010
Los Angeles, Seattle PI, February 18, 2010
Boston, Huffington Post, February 15, 2010
Advocate, February 18, 2010
Washington, New York Daily News, February 22, 2010
Sara’s News Roundup 2/14/10
This week’s LGBT news roundup from Sara Boesser in Juneau, Alaska.
Washington, Chicago Tribune, February 13, 2010
Washington, CBS News, February 11, 2010 2:00 PM
Beijing, China, New York Times, February 12, 2010
Salt Lake City, Utah, CBS 5, February 11, 2010
Leesburg, Virginia, Leesburg Today, February 12, 2010
Los Angeles, Advocate, February 12, 2010
Oxnard, Calif., Advocate, February 12, 2010
Westport, Conn., American Statesman, February 11, 2010
Buffalo, New York, Advocate, February 13, 2010
Huffington Post, February 14, 2010
Palin on DADT Repeal: Unnecessary
Sarah Palin said that now is not the right time to repeal the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy, and criticized President Obama for mentioning it in his State of the Union address. She did not say when would be the right time for the repeal.
Palin appeared on Fox News Sunday and was asked, “Should the rule ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ for the military be repealed?”
“I don’t think so right now,” she said. “I’m surprised that the president spent time on that in his State of the Union speech when he only spent about 9% of his time in the State of the Union on national security issues. And I say that because there are other things to be worried about right now with the military. I think that kind of on the back burner is sufficient for now. To put so much time, and effort, and politics into it? Unnecessary.”
Watch the video clip here:
Freedom to Marry Week 2010
The 13th annual Freedom to Marry Week begins today and marriage equality events are planned around the country. In Anchorage, marriage equality supporter and Seattle sex columnist Dan Savage returns for another entertaining and educational question and answer session on all things sexual for UAA’s Healthy Sexuality Week, and we have GLBT Valentine’s events in Anchorage and Juneau.
“Every year, right around President Lincoln’s birthday and Valentine’s Day, symbolizing equality and love, supporters of the freedom to marry take action and promote conversations about why marriage matters to American families, gay and non-gay alike,” said Evan Wolfson, Executive Director of Freedom to Marry and author of Why Marriage Matters: America, Equality and Gay People’s Right to Marry. “This year, Freedom to Marry’s partner organizations across the country – from Rhode Island to Washington state – are organizing Freedom to Marry Week rallies, house parties, film screenings, and lobby days.”
Freedom to Marry Week is February 8-14, 2010. Learn how to talk about marriage equality, and read A Decade of Progress on LGBT Rights at Freedom to Marry Week 2010.
In this video, Dan Savage shows how the definition of marriage has already been changed by heterosexuals, and the absurdity of using children as the reason to deny same sex marriage:
Sara’s News Roundup 2/7/10
This week’s LGBT news roundup from Sara Boesser in Juneau, Alaska.
London, AFP, February 2, 2010
Washington, Associated Press, February 2, 2010
U.K., Advocate, February 2, 2010
California, San Francisco Chronicle, February 7, 2010
Kathmandu, Nepal, Hindustan Times, January 19, 2010
California, KNVN, February 1, 2010
London, Telegraph.co, February 2, 2010
Washington, CBS News, February 2, 2010
Washington, GLAD, February 2, 2010
Advocate, February 4, 2010
Maryland, Baltimore Sun, February 3, 2010
Salt Lake City, Utah, Salt Lake Tribune, February 3, 2010
Advocate, February 3, 2010
Australia, Courier Mail, February 2, 2010
Passport Magazine, February 2010
Sara’s News Roundup 1/31/10
This week’s LGBT news roundup from Sara Boesser in Juneau, Alaska.
Concord, New Hampshire, Gay City News, January 7, 2010
2) Colin Higgins Foundation Seeks Nominations for Youth Courage Awards
Collins Higgins Foundation
3) For Transgender People, Name Is a Message
New York Times, January 24, 2010
4) Indian Prince To Wed Partner in Nepal, Raises Gay Tourism Hopes
Kathmandu, Nepal, Just Out, January 25th, 2010
5) Moscow Mayor Bans ‘Satanic’ Gay Parade
Moscow, ABC News, January 26, 2010
6) Project Examines Black / LGBT Struggles
Windy City Times, November 18, 2009
7) Can The Church Repeal Its Own DADT Policies?
Reconciling Ministries Network, Flashnet, January 28, 2010
8) Italy builds first transgender prison
Rome, UPI, January 27, 2010
9) To tell or not to tell, that is the question
Anchorage, Alaska, Anchorage Press, January 13, 2010
10) Utah Lawmakers Won’t Take Up a Ban on Discrimination Against Gays
Salt Lake City, Utah, Associated Press, January 30, 2010
11) The Third Mom
New York, Gay City News, January 21, 2010
On the 12th day of Testimony, the Prop 8 trial ends (for now)
Wednesday was the final day of testimony in the federal Prop 8 trial Perry v. Schwarzenegger. Shannon Minter wraps up the trial in his 12th daily summary on Out For Justice, the National Center For Lesbian Rights blog:
It has been an amazing two and a half weeks. This trial has been a truly historic moment for our community. It is the first time a federal court has heard, first hand, from real live witnesses, about the harm that the denial of marriage equality causes lesbians, gay men and their families every day. It’s also the first time a federal court has heard the arguments in favor of marriage equality presented live in court by an array of internationally renowned scholars who are truly experts in their respective fields.What stands out the most after having seen all the witnesses on both sides is how overwhelmingly one-sided the evidence in this case turned out to be. The plaintiffs, represented by some of the most skilled attorneys in the country, laid out a well-crafted, meticulous case, backed by the testimony of half a dozen of the most respected historians, psychologists, economists, and political scientists who study marriage, sexual orientation, and child development. Using the Prop 8 proponents’ own outrageous and inflammatory words, ads, and emails, the plaintiffs powerfully demonstrated that Prop 8 was a direct product of hostility, fear-mongering, and demonization of lesbians and gay men. And through the deeply moving testimony of the plaintiffs and other members of our community, they proved beyond question that denying same-sex couples the right to marry causes great harm to LGBT people and their children.Stacked up against this mountain of facts, scholarship, and science, the Prop 8 proponents – though represented by fine attorneys – were not able to come forward with a case of their own. Before trial, they dropped nearly every witness they had planned to present and relied entirely on two poorly qualified, ill-prepared expert witnesses, neither of whom was able to establish that banning same-sex couples from getting married has any rational or legitimate purpose relating to procreation, child rearing, tradition, or any of the other justifications that have been offered in the past in support of anti-gay discrimination. In fact, nearly all of the defendants’ experts agreed with the plaintiffs that marriage equality would benefit same-sex couples and their families in many real, tangible ways.It should not have come as a surprise that the defense’s case turned out to be so weak. As our executive director Kate Kendell is fond of saying, the arguments against marriage equality have always been “all hat and no cattle.” This trial showed more powerfully than ever that there truly is no substance to the arguments of those who would deny equality to our families. It has been extremely gratifying to see those arguments aired out in public, before a smart, independent-minded judge, in a way that’s never been done before. It is a shame that the public was unable to see the trial in video, but the transcripts, available at http://www.equalrightsfoundation.org/our-work/hearing-transcripts/, are fascinating reading for anyone interested in learning more about this important chapter in our civil rights struggle.Judge Walker will now take some time to review all the evidence that has been presented. The lawyers for both sides will return to court in a few weeks (on a date still to be determined) to present their closing arguments.
Read all 12 of Minter’s daily Prop 8 trial summaries on Out For Justice and Pam’s House Blend.
