Articles in Stories from Our Lives
Choosing Alaska: Fairbanks is a good cup of coffee
We recently posted a letter from a grad student and a letter from a gay couple asking for similar advice: What is it like to live and work in Alaska as an openly-LGBT person? KHW describes his experience living in Fairbanks as a gay Asian male who recently graduated from college on the east coast.
It got better: A gay youth’s gratitude
Earlier today, Box Turtle Bulletin posted a video today from a gay teenager named Dylan thanking a gay couple for their “It Gets Better” YouTube video.
Zack Ford at Think Progress tells us more:
Dylan found an “It Gets Better” video from YouTube user “depfox,” gay couple Jay and Bryan Leffew with their kids Daniel and Selena. Through the Leffew family, Dylan saw that he didn’t have to pray away the gay or repress his identity. He could, in fact, grow up to have the loving family that he has dreamed of.
Watch (and be sure to read the comments on Dylan’s YouTube page):
Zack Ford continues,
Since posting his thank-you to the Leffews last month, he has since made a follow-up video telling his own coming out story in which he also talks about how important Fort Worth City Councilman Joel Burns’ video was for him as he was figuring out his identity. Dylan’s journey is far from over, because though he came out to the world at large on YouTube, he still hasn’t talked to his family about his identity. Still, by coming out, he is already on a better path.
Is it fair to suggest that IGB saved Dylan’s life? Yes. Nobody will ever know what his story might have been, but if some Internet videos helped him avoid a life of denial, depression, and psychologically harmful ex-gay therapy, that is surely a victory. It’s pretty hard to call something “useless” that has saved a life, and it would be foolish to assume Dylan is alone. “It Gets Better” is making it better one video at a time just by being there for young eyes to see. Keep them coming.
Dan Savage has described “It Gets Better” as a “message in a bottle” to LGBT and questioning youth. Sometimes that message makes all the difference.
Choosing Alaska: Soldotna “sisters” light the closed minds of others
“My partner and I have lived in Soldotna for 11 years now,” writes Klondyke.”We are openly gay women yet still some people like to think we are just ‘sisters.'” From our series Choosing Alaska on living and working in Alaska as LGBT.
Choosing Alaska: A garden, a sauna and a dog
“I suggest a garden fence to protect your crop from moose,” Tallimat recommends to a gay couple thinking about moving to Alaska. “It is best that the fence be so tall that it can be seen from space.” From our series Choosing Alaska on living and working in Alaska as LGBT.
On being a greenie gay girl in a man’s mining camp, or, Perspective: Part two
by Taylor
“These people” are educated, they vote, and they are human. They have families, friends, people they don’t get along with, problems. In spite of myself, I find myself allowing them access to my thoughts and feelings. Second of a series. See Part One.
“Ain’t no rest for the wicked!” A commonly-heard anecdote in this place. If only those that uttered it knew just how apt I once found it, considering the source.
No, these aren’t evil people. Just confused, and with no real curiosity to explore the depths of what our profit-driven social system would have them believe. Ignorance, it would seem, is truly bliss. I’ve had the chance to know this, first-hand.
We of the more left-leaning communities suffer from our own brands of ignorance. We assume that the characters that occupy the space in which I currently exist, are uneducated. We assume that they lack drive to vote, or do anything besides consume PBR. We assume that Geico’s TV ad, which touts, “It’s so easy, a caveman could do it”, applies in a way that is humorously ironic to these individuals. I can state with a fair level of certainty that the educated, aware, progressive factions of our society have assumed wrongly, on so many different levels.
I have met more drillers with bachelor’s degrees out here than I can count, many in Accounting or Business Management, or Sciences. Their reason for doing this work? It lets them work in the great outdoors, it allows them to see different parts of the country — and sometimes, the world — and it pays well. And I can say that these educated walking contradictions, to a man, believe, first and foremost, in their Second Amendment rights, are at least some breed of Social Conservative, and worship the ground Sarah Palin walks on. If there are those that don’t fit this bill, then they have remained silent, or blended in. Those of us that must be malleable in order to camouflage recognize it easily in others.
“These people” are educated, they vote, and they are human. They have families, friends, people they don’t get along with, problems. In spite of myself, I find myself allowing them access to my thoughts and feelings. I find my carefully constructed walls compromised as I find things to like, if not admire, in each of them. The human desire to find camaraderie anywhere will always win out over social cliques…or, in microcosms of human society such as my workplace, we’d all kill each other. Stranger things have happened, especially in three weeks’ worth of work-imposed isolation from society.
My duty rotations run three weeks on, one week off. Just enough time to become acclimated to camp, and for paved roads, vegan food, and safe spaces for queer people to drink and date to become foreign concepts.
For three weeks, I’m not Taylor, I am the Medic. I am not genderqueer or even really gay, but I AM “butch enough to hang out with”. I am not Leftist, I am Middle of the Road…at least, outwardly. I drink with “the boys”, even if it is cheap, bad beer, and even if I don’t actually drink with them, I just hang out and sip my water, or tea (this particular company allots each employee two beers per day…believe it or not, such camps do exist, but usually, only in the explorations phase).
For three weeks, people that would ordinarily have nothing to do with me — in fact, I rather suspect they would literally like to take a shot at me, ordinarily — profess that they “have my back”, and will help out in the event of a serious incident. A few are sincere. A greater number are likely responding to what our inner psyches rail against in an environment such as this: Loneliness.
Though the armor plating of my alternate self does not fall away, there is a strange merging of that armor and my sense of self, such that, I may begin to breathe and feel as a different person. If my super-power is compartmentalization and putting on a good act, my kryptonite is forgetting where the act ends and I begin. I find myself relenting (or even acceding) regarding topics that, in another space, place or time, would leave me running rabid circles around my brain in order to piece together a rational counter-argument…or a back-handed comment, whichever comes first.
I become acclimated to the pejorative terms so casually slung about. My head no longer turns at any racial slur I might hear (and there are many). Jokes about various bits of male anatomy being inspected for health problems become commonplace in my proximity, and I might laugh a bit, before telling the offending party where to stick it. Here, sexual harassment sensitivity training is often defined as “telling you where the line is, and how to stand on it, without quite toeing over that boundary”.
For all our collective differences, though, the members of this camp work with each other as well-tuned pistons and crankshafts in a much larger engine that occasionally backfires with no apparent reason. Indeed, the dynamic of this camp was once described to me by a co-worker thusly: The world’s largest, most passive-aggressive, dysfunctional family imaginable. Avoidance of interaction, entirely, is not an option here, so one opts, instead, to either soften the rough edges of individuality, or to become a chameleon.
Choosing Alaska: Outdoors and friends make 90% of a good life
We recently posted a letter from a grad student and a letter from a gay couple asking for similar advice: What is it like to live and work in Alaska as an openly-LGBT person?
Our readers responded, sharing their reasons for living in Alaska and their experiences as LGBT. We’re posting their stories in a series called Choosing Alaska.
This reply is from Mike.
# # #
I grew up in rural northern Arizona. Growing up I always knew that I was gay but never knew it was an option. I lived life the way everyone else did and expected me to. It wasn’t until I went to college that I realized it might be possible to be gay. It was through support groups, friends and a process that lasted several years that I finally was confident enough to come out.
After graduation from college, I came to Alaska and worked in the tourism industry. This helped with my internal struggle as the industry has many gay and lesbians who work in the industry. I was in Alaska for five years and loved it. I never ran into any issues with who I was. I also wasn’t broadcasting the fact that I was gay either. But if someone asked I told them.
I moved to Seattle and what an experience that was! I explored the gay life and got to see what the city had to offer. It was fun to experience but it really wasn’t me. I was in a relationship for eight years and when it ended, I realized just how unhappy I was living in the city. Despite it being full of openly gay men, I was getting no interest from anyone. I was miserable in my job and painting myself into a corner where I was soon to be stuck. All my friends were up here in Alaska.
I came for a long weekend to visit. I surprised my friends and just showed up one day. The second thing out of my mouth was “I’m moving back up here!” I hadn’t even given it a thought yet it came out so easily. After the visit I went back to Seattle and within three months I was living in Alaska. I went from a condo on Queen Anne with a view of the city skyline and the Space Needle to living in a dry cabin out in Goldstream and I had never been happier!
I became very comfortable with being a gay man in Seattle. I had photos of my partner on my desk at work. I talked openly about what me and my partner had planned for the weekend or trips we had planned, just like everyone else. Living here in Alaska, that is very different. I have “reeled it in” so to speak at work. I’m not as open about being gay. But again, if asked, I’ll tell.
That said the people I have surrounded myself with are open and accepting people. I am 100% out with them. I have no doubt my boss knows I’m gay and doesn’t care. She’s pretty freaking cool. We just haven’t ever talked about it.
I think one can easily live the gay life up here in the Last Frontier. But I think it’s what you want out of life that determines if you do or not. If have found that people up here don’t really care what you do behind your bedroom door, they just don’t want to know about it or hear about it. But people here seem to be like that about anything. “Believe whatever you want, just don’t push your beliefs on me.”
I was living the typical gay life in Seattle and I was miserable. I’d say I was 90% miserable and 10% happy. Since I moved back almost four years ago, I’m 90% happy, 10% a little unhappy. That could be resolved by meeting the one and living happily ever after. But if that doesn’t happen, I’m good with 90%. Much better than the 10% in Seattle.
For me, I decided what was most important to me. Living with my friends, living in a place where I could camp, hike, kayak, explore….that was all very important to me. I love living in a place where just existing was a challenge. Easy access to gay bars and gay men…not so important. If it were, I would have stayed in Seattle. Every once in a while I get the urge and I just head to Anchorage for a long weekend and have a night out there and that satisfies me.
Ultimately, it comes down to what you want and what you want to experience. If you want the open and out there life, if that’s what’s going to get you to the 90%, maybe think of somewhere Outside. If living in a place that offers you’re the activities you want, the friends that you have, oh and by the way you happen to be gay, then a happy life up here is possible.
I am by no means speaking for anyone other than myself. This is just my approach to life and how I came to the decision to be living here.
# # #
Thanks, Mike!
What is your experience of being LGBT in Alaska? Leave a comment below, or email us directly at Bent Alaska @ gmail .com (without the spaces), and we will include your response in a follow up post. And if you have another topic you’d like to see on Bent Alaska, please tell us about it!
Choosing Alaska: Return to the village, great opportunities in rural Alaska
We recently posted a letter from a graduate student and a letter from a gay couple asking for similar advice: What is it like to live and work in Alaska as an openly-LGBT person?
Our readers responded, sharing their reasons for living in Alaska and their experiences as LGBT Alaskans. We’re posting their stories in a series called Choosing Alaska.
This response is from Andrei.
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I am writing in response to your post on the return of college graduates to Alaska.
My name is Andrei. And I returned to my hometown Bethel following college graduation. I was elected to the Bethel City Council and worked on clinic construction grants for years. I am a gay male.
It was easy to return home. In fact, I didn’t give it much thought. Perhaps I have it much easier than many gay male experiences. Small town Alaska has been very good for me. Because of the brain drain I was able to hit an apex in my profession very quickly in my small town. I soon realized I had to move. I was a big fish in a small pond. I was intellectually curious about many things. And the remoteness of my location prevented me from growth.
And thus I moved.
Today I am in Bethel to care for my mom. She had a major surgery this year and required me to take care of her. I do live in New York City now. And I find Bethel to be a lot like New York. Bethel is Eskimo New York. Anchorage is Eskimo Amsterdam.
# # #
Thanks, Andrei!
What is your experience of being LGBT in Alaska? Leave a comment below, or email us directly at Bent Alaska @ gmail .com (without the spaces), and we will include your response in a follow up post. And if you have another topic you’d like to see on Bent Alaska, please tell us about it!
James Steven “Steve” Reese (1968–2011)
We were saddened to learn last week of the death of PFLAG Juneau volunteer Steve Reese. Our condolences to his children, family and friends, and all who knew him. We excerpt one of his letters to the editor, on Christian attitudes towards LGBT people: “If your Bible tells you to hate or to do hateful things, then you are reading your Bible wrong.”
Identity’s Phyllis Rhodes featured by I’m From Driftwood
Identity’s Phyllis Rhodes was interviewed last November by the I’m From Driftwood Story Tour about Identity, LGBT youth from the villages, and creating a “family of choice” in Alaska.
Bent Alaska readers might remember the I’m From Driftwood Story Tour that was in Alaska last November 9-12. Launched in the Spring of 2009 and inspired by the film “Milk”, I’m From Driftwood collects and shares true lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender stories from all over the world to help LGBT youth realize they’re not alone.
One of the Alaskans the folks from I’m From Driftwood spoke with when they were in Anchorage was Phyllis Rhodes, Executive Director of Identity, Inc. And they posted the video of their interview with her today! I’m From Driftwood writes,
Phyllis Rhodes is simply awesome. She’s the Executive Director of Identity, Anchorage’s LGBT Center, and has a heart of gold. I wish every LGBTQ Alaskan would go pay her a visit because I know they would feel better afterwards. Alaska is lucky to have her.
We completely agree!
Check out some of the other Alaska stories featured by I’m From Driftwood.
Should a married gay couple move to Alaska?
Soon after posting the letter from the graduate student, Bent Alaska received the following letter from Matt and Al asking if their dream of living in Alaska is realistic for them as a married gay couple.
Although Matt lived outside of Fairbanks for 2 years as a kid, he wouldn’t be returning to a familiar place and family members like the grad student. But their main question is the same – what is it like to live and work in Alaska as an openly-LGBT adult? So we’re adding this letter to our Choosing Alaska series and encouraging you to reply.
# # #
My husband, Al, and I are deciding where we would like to settle and Alaska is at the top of our list. I am from Texas and moved to the UK 4 years ago where I met Al. We are interested in Alaska because of what it offers in day to day life: the cool/cold climate, expansive outdoors, fascinated by the long winter nights and relish the long summer days, and the accessibility to buying enough land to keep chickens and other livestock as well as build a decent sized greenhouse to grow as much of our own herbs and vegetables as possible. We also like the low population density yielding plenty of privacy when at home, of which we want to do a self-build from kit–we want to physically contribute to building our home. Work wise, we both come from information technology corporate or retail management backgrounds, though we have considered drawing on Al’s experience growing up in a pub with rooms to start/buy a bed and breakfast.
Living in the UK has afforded us a degree of acceptance that I as an American did not think possible. I am seen simply by my name, not labeled as being gay; I am judged as a person, nothing more or less. Living across the US from CA, TX, and VA, I know that acceptance is not as enjoyable as my experience in Europe. My biggest concern with moving to Alaska is that because it is one of the last frontiers, it may be a large backward in the experience of acceptance than what I am used to. I appreciate that my husband and I may not be able to walk down the street holding hands without at least some hard glares. I would actually expect worse, such as reactive hate crimes, but don’t truly know. That’s what I am trying to gauge and understand.
Al and I will be visiting Alaska for a few weeks next year and will be making it a point to experience as much of the local vibe as possible. In the meantime, I would appreciate any considerations or experiences you have to share to help set my own realistic expectations.
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Readers, what do you think? Leave a comment below, or email us directly at Bent Alaska @ gmail .com (without the spaces), and we will post your response (anonymous posts are ok.) Help this gay couple and others decide whether or not they will settle in Alaska.
And if you have a topic you’d like to see on Bent Alaska, please tell us about it!
