A long-overdue Bent Alaska update — October 2013

Memorial Tonight for FKen Freedman

A Celebration of Life for FKen Freedman will be held tonight, May 6, at 7 p.m. at the Anchorage Unitarian Universalist Fellowship, 3201 Turnagain Street. Freedman’s obituary appeared in the Anchorage Daily News today (posted below), along with a new legacy book with the correct spelling of his last name. Personal memories of Freedman can also be read in and below Bent’s first announcement of his passing.

FKen Freedman died of natural causes at his home in Anchorage on April 30, 2010. He was 68.

He was born July 12, 1941, in Newport News, Va., and grew up in California.

He was deeply spiritual and connected with his Jewish culture through the richness of ritual and the way he lived his life — as a man of action. He connected with his Gay culture through action as one of the pillars of the GLBTA movement.

FKen was an activist in every community he was a part of. His passions were GLBTA equality, photography, theater and psychotherapy. He was a grassroots community organizer, starting and implementing the first Gay and Lesbian Helpline and The NorthView out of his home.

He loved the simplicity of life, to be in nature, and to create positive changes in his circle of influence and spend time with his friends and family. He loved plain doughnuts and he never passed up the chance to eat rainbow sprinkles on his ice cream.

FKen was in private practice, specializing in individual and couples counseling. He had a Master of Fine Arts degree from Yale University, School of Drama (1967) and a Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology, from Prescott College, Arizona (1998). He was a member of the Alaska Psychological Association and the American Psychological Association. Clients may call 229-9205 for referral information.

He was preceded in death by his husband, John Paul; his loving sister, Joan Carol; and his father, Donald Kenneth.

He is survived by his family of origin and family of choice. It would soothe his soul to know his friends shared their stories with his brother, adopted sons and extended family who were never able to experience the richness of his life in Anchorage while he was alive.

A celebration of life will be held at 7 p.m. today [Thursday, May 6] at the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship, 3201 Turnagain St. A community potluck will follow.

Donations in his honor can be made to Identity Inc. at www.identityinc.org or P.O. Box 200070, Anchorage, 99520.

Immigration reform for all families: UAFA in 2010

Dear Bent Alaska,

My name is Tom and I’m a member of Out4Immigration, an all-volunteer grassroots organization fighting to end discrimination against LGBT Americans in our nation’s immigration laws. We need help in Alaska with this important issue…

As you may be aware, if an American citizen (or legal permanent resident) falls in love with someone from another country, they may petition for an immigration benefit to bring that person to the US (green card).

If you happen to be LGBT, you are denied this basic right.

Even if you get married, or enter into a civil union or domestic partnership in any of the states or other nations that allow this, you still cannot bring your spouse or partner to the US.

21 other nations (most of our closest allies, Western Europe, Canada, Australia, Israel and South Africa) allow their LGBT citizens to sponsor their foreign-born partners, and most of these nations do not have marriage equality.

There is a bill pending before Congress called the Uniting American Families Act (UAFA, S. 424/H.R. 1024) that would end this discrimination. It would allow gay and lesbian Americans to sponsor their partner (or spouse), in the same manner that straight couples can, along with the same penalties for fraud.

Over 36,000 bi-national, same-sex couples are affected by this, and almost half of them are raising children.

Families are being torn apart every day – Americans are being forced to chose between heart and home – because they are not allowed to prove the validity of their relationships simply because they are LGBT.

We are fighting to make sure 2010 is the year that UAFA passes, and are pushing for it to be included in the larger comprehensive immigration reform bills that are expected this year.

[Please ask your readers] to call Senator Begich and Senator Murkowski about this issue, and urge the Senators to co-sponsor this bill and support LGBT inclusion in comprehensive immigration reform!

I am reaching out because I know there are folks in the area affected by this, but many are too fearful to speak out.

Contact Senator Murkowski at 202.224.6665 or via e-mail.

Contact Senator Begich at 202.224.3004 or via e-mail.

F. Ken Freedman (1942-2010)

UPDATE: A Celebration of Life will be held at 7 p.m. on Thursday May 6 at the Anchorage UU Church, 3201 Turnagain St. Read and sign the ADN legacy book HERE.

* * *

F. Ken Freedman, a long-time member of the Anchorage LGBT community, passed away on Saturday, May 1, 2010.

“It is with great sadness that I let the community know about the passing yesterday of my good friend, F. Ken Freedman,” wrote Alaska Mike on Bent’s Facebook wall.

“F. Ken worked for a number of years in the psychotherapy field, specializing in folks dealing with coming out and other LGBT related issues.”

“We just had lunch on campus in late February, it’s hard to believe he is gone! He will be greatly missed by me, as well as many others who were lucky enough to know him and consider him a friend.”

Several friends left comments about Freedman’s kind and gentle manner, that he was an inspiration and a mentor, and that he was one of the first gay men they met when moving to Anchorage years ago.

“fKen started the GLBT Helpline,” wrote Phyllis of Identity, Inc. “It was answered by volunteers from his home. His legacy will live on in so many, many ways and lives.”

Others remembered Freedman’s stories of being present at the 1969 Stonewall Riots in NYC, which mark the beginning of the modern LGBT rights movement.

His full name was Fredrick Kenneth Freedman, but he never used his first name, preferring F. Ken or fKen.

A service is being planned for this Thursday afternoon/evening. More details to come as they are available. Anyone with photos of Freedman are asked to share them for his Celebration of Life. Please email the photos to Victoria.

Condolences to his family and friends.

Ann Reed, Brandi Carlile, Gay Art, Travel & Clean-up

This Week in LGBT Alaska 4/30/10

Juneau

SEAGLA Social Fridays (6-8 p.m.) for GLBT people and our friends over 21, at The Imperial Bar.

Fairbanks

ICOAA Pretty ‘n Pink 18+ Prom and show 4/30, doors open at 7 p.m., show at 8 p.m. at Pioneer Park Civic Center, tickets $12 to benefit The Imperial Court.

Kentucky Derby Party and Alaskans Together Fundraiser 5/1, 12:30-3:30 p.m. at the Cafe Alex building, 310 1st Avenue. 21 and over only. Drinks, snacks, contests and prizes, and watching the horses race. $10-$25 suggested donation. RSVP.

Wednesday Social Group, contact Joshua for the location.

Mat-Su Valley

Mat-Su LGBT Community Center in Palmer is open M-F 5-8 p.m. (except 6-8 on Wed.) The social group meets Wednesdays, 5-6 p.m. at Vagabond Blues.

Anchorage

ACLU Open House 4/30, 5-7 p.m. at their new office, 1057 West Fireweed, Suite 207, near the corner of Spenard and Fireweed. Free & no RSVP needed.

Friday Night Diva Show 4/23, 9 p.m. at Mad Myrna’s.

Sunday Service at MCC Anchorage 5/2, 2 p.m.

LGBT Booklovers Club 5/3, 6:30 p.m. at the GLCCA.

Registration Deadline 5/3 for the Identity team in the Graze to Raise downtown fundraiser. Register at the GLCCA.

Half Naked Pictionary 5/5, 9-11 p.m. at Mad Myrna’s, hosted by The Men’s Club on the first Wed. of the month.

Dining and Singing to fight AIDS in Alaska (Thursday)

Gay and raised in Alaska? Bring it Home

“Last November, the city council of Salt Lake City passed an ordinance protecting gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender individuals from discrimination in the workplace and in housing. Other cities in Utah are currently working on getting similar ordinances passed, in hopes of supporting an eventual statewide ordinance that would protect all queer Utahns.

Where is Anchorage’s anti-discrimination ordinance or protections from hate crimes? Mayor Dan Sullivan vetoed it…

Before I moved to Utah last August, I was nervous to be a gay in Mormon country. Luckily for me, I found myself in a strong Utah LGBT community shortly after my arrival. These Utahns have been an inspiration to me, and I hope that Alaskans rise to the challenge of Utah’s example. If Utah can do it, so can Alaska.

And none of the changes that occurred in Utah on queer issues would exist if not for the activism that lives within Utah.

Queers in Alaska should embrace their queerness. The queers in Alaska need to come out of their log cabins (the Republicans don’t like you anyway). They need to come out of the bars. They need to come out at work. They need to come out to their neighbors. The gays must go out and greet the moveable middle within their communities. Be creative in your activism. Do something, not nothing: Stage a kiss-in, create a spectacle, anything, just go all for it in your community.”

Breaking Free from ABT: One Man’s Journey

Does Anchorage Baptist Temple really do exorcisms to cast out the demon from gays? Yes, they do, and they set family members against each other. In an interview with The NorthView (published in its April 2010 issue), RJ described his struggle to break free from ABT and come out as a gay man, a struggle that nearly tore apart his family. He shares his story in the hope that it will help others who are coming out or supporting a gay family member, and even help members of ABT.

“I sincerely hope people from ABT read it. Perhaps it will be a wake up call for them to stop ignoring the things going on around them and perhaps they will open up their hearts and experience a little more love.”

Thanks, RJ, and happy birthday!

* * *

One Man’s Journey

This is an interview with RJ, a gay man raised in Anchorage Baptist Temple. RJ agreed to this interview in the hope that sharing his story and what he has experienced and learned will perhaps help others who may be walking a similar path or, at least, let them know they are not alone.

Editor: Let’s start with the basics of your background.

RJ: My grandparents moved to Alaska in the 1950’s. My mother and I were both born here. My grandfather was a minister. My father was a chaplain who worked in the ministry. In my early years, I lived with my father in Talkeetna and did my schooling through a Christian home school program. Our whole family was very involved in church. In the 1990’s, when I was 11, we moved to Anchorage and became very involved with Anchorage Baptist Temple (ABT).

My father and step-mother both worked at ABT to offset the school bill as it is really expensive to go there. Both taught Sunday school. Sunday they drove busses to pick up kids for Sunday school. We attended Sunday school in the morning followed by church and church again on Sunday night. On Monday night we had bible study, Tuesday night was visitation, Wednesday we had church and Awanas, a Christian program sort of like the Scouts, Thursday night was prayer meeting, and Friday night was open gym or “Destination Unknown,” a youth activity. And, of course, I had school Monday through Friday. Saturdays we would often go to Reverend Prevo’s house for dinner or meet with other church people. For a long time, I looked up to my father and I looked up to Prevo so much.

Editor: How long did this last?

RJ: I went to ABT through 6th, 7th grades and was kicked out in 8th grade.

Editor: What happened in the 8th grade?

RJ: For years I believed everything I was taught. The church was my life. Then, I began to notice and to realize things about the people all around me at ABT and, at the same time, I began to suspect I was gay. I saw so much hypocrisy, too many holes, too much difference between what the church people were teaching me and how there were acting in their own lives. But we were not allowed to talk about it or to question. We had to pretend everything was good. The biggest sin was to question. Instead of providing an answer, they would ask “Why are you being blasphemous?” I began acting out and got kicked out of school several times.

Editor: How was it to realize you were gay, especially since you so looked up to your father, Prevo, and the youth ministers?

RJ: At ABT we were taught anti-gay propaganda. We were taught gay rights are special rights. ABT provides families with an anti-gay “educational” video by Focus on the Family to watch at home. There were also exorcisms which ABT called “demon warfare.” The youth ministers and everybody else were taught this same anti-gay philosophy. I started to realize they were talking about me. The first time I kissed a guy I vomited a day straight over the conflict that it felt so right and I must be a horrible person – the worst thing I can be.

Editor: How were things going at home since your father and step-mother were so involved with ABT?

RJ: The whole gay issue tore me away from my family. There are generations of ministers on my father’s side of the family and to this day they do not speak to me because I am gay. Before I came out, I remember my step-mother telling me that I was so like her brother except that he was gay and I would never be.

It was always made clear that it was not okay to be gay. My whole life began falling apart. When I was 13 I told my father I did not want to go to ABT church or their school. I told him I would go to church only if I could go to public school. He responded by locking me in my room with a board and nails. I kicked down the door and came flying through it like a hellhound with fists flying at my father. I got arrested for malicious destruction of property and went to McLaughlin for three days, followed by family court, a shelter, and foster care. My whole teenage time was spent bouncing between the Laurel shelter, foster homes, Convenent House, Maplewood, and my mom’s house. I was on probation. Lori Rodriguez was my P.O. and she was a phenomenal case worker.

Editor: Wow. What happened after you were thirteen?

RJ: When I was 14, I came out to my mother. I said, “Mom, I think I’m bi.” She said, “No, honey, I think you’re gay.” Later, she told me she thought I was going to be transgender. She told me I used to dress up with her make-up. My brother was a gay hate monger until I told him. When I was 15, I came out to my father in the Anchorage Daily News when they published a letter I wrote. He called me and asked, “Are you sure?” My step-mother said, “No, you’re not gay. You’re just confused.” I moved to Palm Springs when I was 17. Palm Springs was my “gay education.” My birthday there was a white party. What a way to turn 18! I made a lot of friends and learned about what that kind of gay life was like.

I returned to Alaska and, since I had no place to stay, I told my father it was just a phase, moved back with him, and back into the closet. I tried to pray my gay away. I begged God. I would have given anything to be straight.

Editor: Is this when the exorcism took place?

RJ: Yes. I went back to ABT. They had been studying Bob Larson‘s “Deliverance” exorcism ministry. They had a class to teach how to cast out demons on Friday nights. There was a questionnaire to determine if I had done something to open a portal which leads to demonic possession. The questions were things like did I try to control the weather, change stop lights, read horoscopes, use tarot cards and, of course, have sex with a man.

Editor: What happened at the exorcism? Who was there?

RJ: The exorcism took place at ABT. There were others there as well. I sat down and started crying. The Board of Directors, deacons, classmates, and family prayed over us. They anointed us each with oil and tried to cast the demon out.

Editor: Wow. I don’t know what to say. What happened next?

RJ: The reason I am telling you this is because I was in foster homes and shelters. I did not have anyone to look up to or with whom to talk. There wasn’t gay TV. Everyone said AIDS was God’s punishment. I want others to know they are not alone. When I was 19 I began developing a good group of friends, ones to last a lifetime. My friend Chris got me out of there. Tasha, who is another friend and a devout Catholic, said “Whether I agree with it or not, I don’t understand how what people do in their bedrooms has anything to do with me.” And, that gave me my first glimmer that maybe I was okay. They did social things with me when they knew I was gay. The father of one of my friends was a minister and he said “It’s not my job to judge you. It is my job to love you. If God is angry at you about anything, it is probably because you used to be friends with him.” I wonder, how can I have a relationship with God when everyone I know who follows him tells me I am the devil? When I do something wrong, I have a heavy conscious. But when I lie in bed with my partner, I feel no guilt. I know that being with him is right and I know God loves me.

Editor: Where are you now in your relationships with your mother, father, and ABT?

RJ: My mom is a great supporter. Mom was a cab driver and she took me to introduce me to Myrna’s and the GLBT community. She comes for all my Imperial Court functions. Last summer she was at the Assembly hearings. She saw a guy carrying a sign that said “I was born Black. You chose to be gay” and asked to meet Prevo. She said to Prevo and the group with him “Do you remember my son? He grew up in your church. I watched your message of hate try to destroy him, to teach him to hate himself. My God is a God of love and healing. This message of hate is something you are going to have to answer to God for one day.” Then my mom walked away. One of the men jumped up and said he did not want her to walk away angry and wouldn’t she please eat with them. She agreed and had a hot dog with them. Then she stood up and said “I sat down and ate with you. Will any of you sit down and eat with my son?” She was met with silence.

My dad is still a struggle but we are starting to build a dialog. My father has made significant steps in my direction. He sent me some e-mails which I ignored. Then one came and the subject line said “I don’t care that you’re gay. I just want to talk to you.” Considering where he started from, my dad has come a long way and I give him a lot of credit for it.

We have all made mistakes and ABT hates us now. I pity that church. You keep everything quiet, don’t talk about the problems the people are actually having. There is no real community.

Editor: I know you are telling your story to hopefully help others. What final things would you like others to know who may be having an experience similar to yours?

RJ: Get out and talk to as many people as you can. Ask questions. Ask other religious leaders. Don’t be afraid to talk about it. I don’t think any one person can impose on us their particular interpretation of things. You have to have your own personal relationship with God. I wish I had spoken up sooner. I discovered a lot of people already knew I was gay and did not care. The people that are going to be there for you are going to be there for you.

Editor: Is it okay if people contact you if they are walking a similar path and want to reach out?

RJ: Yes. I can be reached via e-mail.

Annual spring and summer LGBT events in Anchorage

Memorial service for Dan Carter-Incontro at MCCA

Dan Carter-Incontro, long time Alaska GLBT activist and supporter of equal rights for all, died last Sunday at the age of 62. The funeral is on Saturday at 3:30 pm at the Nazarene Church in Lake City, Florida, and a local memorial service will be held on Sunday at MCC Anchorage.

Al Carter-Incontro, Dan’s husband, is planning a trip to Alaska in May, and a community Celebration of Life will be held during his visit.

Dan was a big supporter of the Anchorage Gay and Lesbian Community Center. If you wish to make a donation to the Center in memory of Dan, Identity will send an acknowledgement to Al and to Dan’s sister Sarah. If you would like to send flowers to the Florida funeral, call 386-755-0833 for a local florist.

The MCC Anchorage memorial is during the Sunday service on April 25 at 2 p.m.

It is not often in this life when you are blessed to have crossed paths with an individual such as Dan Carter-Incontro. Dan was a friend to many within the Church and our community.

Dan and Al Carter-Incontro were the second Alaskan couple to marry in British Columbia when it became legal there in 2003. They went to British Columbia just days after it became legal to get married there having spent more than 30 years as a couple.

Dan had many friends at Identity and almost all of its member organizations as well as the Municipality where he worked and retired from the People Mover department, the Alaska Democratic Party where he had the honor of serving as a National Delegate at least once, and of course his involvement with MCC Anchorage. His past involvement with MCC Anchorage ensured that the Life of the Church would continue serving the community of Anchorage.

Dan’s moving to Florida left a large hole in the community and now with his passing an even larger hole resides in our minds and hearts. It is, as some have said, the end of an era.

We will be celebrating the life of Dan Carter-Incontro this Sunday at 2:00pm. All from the community and the Church are welcome to attend.