Articles by Lauren Tibbitts
Writer, poet, singer and lifelong activist, Lauren commits herself to human rights and the pursuit of equal status for all. She is a student at the University of Alaska Fairbanks and originally hails from Juneau, AK, where she led the Juneau-Douglas High School Gay-Straight Alliance and immersed herself in the LGBTQ community there. Now as a student in Fairbanks she finds herself diving further into the waters of the LGBTQ and allied community statewide, having gotten involved with the Imperial Court of All Alaska. She is a history and English major with dreams of law school and perhaps politics dancing gracefully in her heart.
The circle turns
by Lauren Tibbits. Alaska Pride Conference was about drawing the younger and older generations together to better serve the LGBT community in Alaska — a wonderful experience, but coupled with grief for the passing of a beloved mentor, Alison McKenna of Juneau, who died unexpectedly on Saturday. The important thing, I’ve discovered, is to be part of the living legacy Alison has left behind.
Another Target for Trolls (or, Airing Laundry)
by Lauren Tibbitts
Editor’s note: Bent Alaska would like to welcome Lauren Tibbitts as a regular contributor to Bent Alaska.
The following is a comment written Sunday, June 12 in response to the article “One Less Band” (Anchorage Press, 6/8/11) and its comments. For the full backstory, read the article and then comments from bottom to top at the Anchorage Press and the related story last week at Bent Alaska; for the nutshell, read this:
Felix Rouse, a Vietnam veteran, is a bandmember of the Wasilla-based band, Ogopogo. After they had been asked to perform at the Fairview Block Party this weekend, they had backed out, with Rouse citing that “he’d heard there would be fag shit on stage” and refused to play at the party.
“Rouse blames [Chris] Constant for not informing him up front
there would be a drag show at the block party. He says he
‘felt like an asshole’ for backing out of the booking, but he’s
‘not a fag guy'” (Brenden Joel Kelley, Anchorage Press).
Now imagine the remarks to follow THAT, from both sides of the spectrum. I do really suggest reading the entirety of the article and responses, they made me laugh. My response is below.
* * *
@Chris: Congratulations on throwing a very successful and fantastic party. I wish I could have gone and supported you and your efforts, but know I hold you in dear regard. I am so glad that the Anchorage community responded so positively to the block party. I hope to see pictures of it soon!
To the general public: I fervently hope you read all this. If not, you’ll miss the surprise plot twist.
Let me make another target for you. I’m an average student going to college, from a loving home with an amazing set of parents and extended family close-by. My brother and I grew up happy and healthy, with all our needs met to beyond compare and most of our wishes fulfilled as it was possible. Abuse was never a situation in my family, and my parents spent a lot of time with both my brother and I growing up. As an adult, I look back and see a very happy life, filled with positive influences up the wazoo; friends and lovers to my heart’s content; and generally a long 20 years without want. But even with this blissful life (which many others are not blessed with, and for which I am extremely thankful), I ‘turned out’ pansexual–meaning that I disregard gender in my relationships through life. This status has never fluctuated through my life, and I knew at a young age who I was. My parents love and accept me for who I am, and it has never impacted my life other than weeding out the close-minded individuals who I had, regrettably, come into contact with. I’ve never felt the urge to touch children or animals (because that’s just… I’m not going there, it’s not my thing. REALLY not my thing.), and no one in my community (my town) had ever come to me and said “You’re going straight to hell, you muff-diving little bitch” because A) that’s inappropriate to say to a 15 year old (that’s when I formally ‘came out’, though most people in my life knew long before then) and because that’s just plain rude and inhumane. Where is the wrongness in the above scenario? Oh, probably that no one came to set fire to a rainbow float in my yard, huh? Yeah, that’s probably it.
There are many theories on why people are gay and why others are straight while others go through the spectrum between. My favorite is “It’s a choice”. Believe me, When I say that I weeded out people I had once considered friends, it was a tough business. Being a 100%, no-vaginas-other-than-my-own-allowed straight girl would have been a BLESSING. It certainly would have made a lot of things easier, but I’ve been looking back over the years–growing up hearing bigots on the radio, TV, reading them in print– and wondering, when exactly did I choose to like and love women as well as men?
I’ve found my answer: Never.
I even asked the people in my life the same question, whether straight, gay, nonsexual, or in between: When did you choose your orientation? Everyone has answered some variant of “Never” (well, to be fair, there were a couple awkward pauses before the conversation was swiftly carried to a new topic, because…well, you don’t ask my religious, Republican grandparents ‘that kind of question’ out of the blue. They later both came back and said that there was never a time they chose what sex they appreciated romantically or sexually). My point is that there isn’t a choice. Of course, the above study isn’t scientific, but out of the thousands of people I’ve asked over the past five years, I’ve never gotten an answer indicating choice.
Now onto genetics, another favorite of mine. Is there a gay gene? (My best friend Gene is a wonderful gay man–and Catholic! Whodathunkit?–but I’m sure that’s not what we’re looking for here.) I have no idea. All I know is that my paternal grandfather is a gay man in a loving and committed relationship with his partner, and has always been gay–even when he was less-than-happily married to his wife, who always knew he was gay but married him anyway and granted me a wonderful father. (That’s drama for another story-time.) On my mother’s side, her paternal grandparents had three children of seven* declare they were either gay or lesbian early in their lives. Within three generations of myself, there are or were gays and lesbians. (And three of seven kids being not-straight-Steve/Sally? That knowledge always amuses me.)
If someone is so afraid of being diverse, I would advise them to think about it to themselves. Quietly. If you talk to people (or the general populace) about your feelings and thoughts, I would expect you to ready yourself for comments from wherever they come (because we all know that word spreads like wildfire). I respect Rouse’s (loudly stated) opinion on this matter, and would defend him (and like-minded individuals, of which there are an abundance) to the death for the right to say it– but I do believe that only a fool is unprepared for the consequence of conversation when airing laundry for public consumption. (Yes, that includes myself.)
Ogopogo, I wish you many blessings in the future. May your performances be many, and may they be at venues you approve of. I will never call your band for any gigs, paid or otherwise, and will recommend the (numerous) LGBT-friendly communities across Alaska to do the same. I dearly hope for you to get only what you want.
As for commentators who are clearly either homophobic, intolerant or otherwise disapproving of the ‘lifestyle’, as you call it: I only ask that you discriminate equally. If I’m a bad person, unclean and dirty and filthy and a lot of other names, for being attracted to people who self-identify as men and women, please, I ask you to hate me for also being Korean, Irish, Scottish, third-generation American on one side, Native/Indigenous People/First Nation of North America, bipolar, tall, middle-class, publicly schooled, fat, Wiccan, and the result of unwed, teenage parents. I’m certain that there are other reasons to discriminate against me, you’re free to find them. Hate my fellow LGBT citizens of the US for also being black, brown, Asian, white, African, thin, fat, rich, poor, sick, healthy, and a slew of other things.
Oh, I’m sorry. That means discriminating against us all for being American. That’s too bad… I’m sure your consciences will figure that one out. We are, after all, in the land of the free, right? Where people aren’t equal, where rights don’t matter if they’re not yours. I’m sorry, I forgot about that one.
Veterans and enlisted servicemen and -women of the country and of my family, thank you for proudly volunteering and serving our country and insuring the safety of our democratic political system, where people are “endowed certain unalienable Rights by their Creator, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness”. I will take my Rights and be cozy with the love of my life, and advise you to do the same, if you are able to.
*Edit: I had mistakenly thought that my great-grandparents had five children; in truth, they had seven. My mistake. –L
Solidarity in Spirit and Action
A guest post about Spirit Day by Lauren, president of the Gay-Straight Alliance at the University of Alaska, Fairbanks
Today we wore purple to celebrate and rejoice in unity for each other within the LGBT community, coming together in support of one another. The simple act of incorporating the color in our wardrobe today was a powerful action that showed our friends, neighbors, family and strangers that there are people who care about you, about me, about everyone. We asked our friends and family to wear a color to show their love and they did, and to everyone who wore purple today, to show your support, we thank you.
I don’t know if you heard, but just hours before Spirit Day commenced, another young man couldn’t bear his pain and took his own life on campus at Oakland University in Michigan. Though the police reported that bullying was not an evident factor in 19-year-old Corey Jackson’s death, we all know that there are many kinds of pain that drive us to the edge and, oftentimes, over it. I wept when I read the article; my heart hurt as I read and I just couldn’t believe that just before our day of pulling together as an allied community, that one man was unable to hold on just one more day. I think the response of Melissa Pope, the director of the university’s Gender and Sexuality Center, sums up a lot of what people are feeling today and recently in response to the rash of suicides that have ravaged our nation and communities the past two months:
We must look beyond the term “bullying” to the overall treatment of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) community to begin to grasp the long-standing epidemic of suicide among our LGBT youth.
While the national press has picked up this issue over the last two months, we have been losing high numbers of LGBT youth to suicide for decades. In recent years, we’ve labeled the cause as bullying. But the root cause goes deeper – it goes to the very core of our society that discriminates against the LGBT community on all levels, including the denial of basic human rights that are supposed to belong to every person.
As I sit with the students who regularly visit the Oakland University Gender and Sexuality Center, including the newer members of our community, drawn to the Center for affirmation and support, I am confident that these individuals know they are loved and accepted for who they are. My greater concern is the hundreds of students, faculty and staff who do not come to the Center. Those who are afraid to come out – perhaps even to themselves – for fear of the persecution they will suffer. My greatest hope is that those who feel isolated reach out to resources like the GSC to discover they are not alone. We are here to listen and offer support.
I, too, hope that people out there can find somewhere they feel safe enough to share their burdens. As I write this, I’m listening to SuperChick’s “We Live” on repeat because of these words that make up the chorus: “We live, we love, we forgive and never give up / Cuz the days we are given are gifts from above / And today we remember to live and to love”. That entire song is about learning to live when you know life is hell, when there isn’t much you can do. Each day, we just need to remember to live and love. To not give up, to keep moving forward, because it gets better. It really does, I promise. I wouldn’t be here, writing this to you all, if it didn’t.
There are safe spaces on campus if you feel overwhelmed by anything in your life, related to sexuality or not, and it doesn’t matter if you are an LGBT student or not. Here at UAF, you can go to any of our GSA advisors for advice (hence the title ‘advisor’) or anything that you need. You can go to the Student Health and Counseling Center. Talk to a friend, an RA, your Dorm Director, peer mentor, friendly person on your floor. Call your parents, if you feel comfortable, or call someone you can trust. The GSA meets every Wednesday at 4:30pm at the Library, room 502. Anyone and everyone is welcome to come to share their stories–because all stories deserve to be listened to. Even the people in the Office of Multicultural Affairs and Diversity office (OMAD) are cool enough to listen with respect if you come to them. You can apply these suggestions on different campuses as well–get in touch with your diversity/LGBT clubs, your Women’s Center, Men’s Center, health center, and faculty that help advise these groups and services.
Outside of campus, there are many places you can go if you are being harassed or bullied in any way. If it’s bad enough, let the police know (do this if you are on campus as well). Treat harassment, even if it’s ‘not important’ or ‘not violent’ in the form of verbal abuse, as a potential attack and tell people. Tell anyone who will listen. Sympathetic ears really work wonders for hurting hearts, and they generally come with shoulders you can cry on. Your friends are friends for a reason: they know you, support you, and love you. If they don’t do these things, they’re not good friends (and you should think about making new ones). Let them help you out of a bad situation. Is it a loved one who is targeting you? Find someone to help mediate some sort of conflict resolution meeting AFTER extracting yourself from the situation. If your faith is kosher with the way you love (like many are growing to be nowadays), find someone who can guide you on that front as well.
No one deserves to be hurt for who they love. The way I see harassment is that it is like a cancer–you can often not tell that it’s there. It might be subtle as a butterfly’s kiss or like a freight train barreling down the tracks, but it is there. Early treatment of the situation will generally help resolve the issues, but sometimes you need other outside help. Build your support network up and get help dealing with things if you are confronted with harassment, abuse, and/or bullying. Violence, verbal abuse, bigotry, pick the poison: none of it is all right or acceptable, and if you find yourself in a situation where you are dealing with these issues, get help. Now.
In the end, wearing purple alone does not help us get over the fact that bigotry leads to abuse in its myriad of forms. What it does is identify those who are capable of supporting us while we deal with said abuse. No one should have to live or stay in a place or situation that does not support them–no one. Domestic or not, violence in any form is not something that should be a part of our social community. Whether you are gay or not, if you are confronted with harassment, you are able to take charge of the situation. You are not a victim, you are someone who has the power to change what is going on to you. People can only hurt you if you let them, right? Don’t ever let them. Get help. A lesson I had to learn the hard way is that asking for assistance is not a sign of weakness, but rather a form of power.
Be powerful, my friends.
AK student to Uganda President: anti-gay bill a grave injustice
by Lauren in Juneau
Dear President Museveni,
As you know, the current proposed legislation titled “The Anti-Homosexuality Bill, 2009” has caused outrage in countries outside of your own, especially among the Lesbian-Gay-Bisexual-Transgender (LGBT) community world-wide. As a proud supporter and member of said community, I believe that this legislation will be detrimental to the people of Uganda and inevitably do more harm than good when applied.
I admit to being a student from the United States of America, where we have a wide base of freedoms, and that our cultures, norms, and practices are, in some respects, vastly different, and that my input here may seem arrogant and presumptive, but I would like to voice my opinion on your country’s upcoming decision on the Anti-Homosexuality Bill 2009. I believe in basic human rights that include things like the rights to food, water, shelter–things that would ensure survival of a person and enable them to thrive. With these I also believe that the right to love is one of God’s greatest gifts to man, and that there should not be a regulation over what that relationship should look like between consenting adults. Whether you are homosexual or heterosexual should make no difference; it is as God designed you to be.
I believe in building community within our peoples, nations and world, and consider my true community to consist of all countries. I don’t limit myself to only the United States of America, because of the arrogance that implies. I tell you this because I feel deeply for my neighbors, and though your country is across an ocean and thousands of miles away, I would like to personally foster this feeling between your people and me. It is in the spirit of community that I write to you. I believe that this bill would destroy what you have striven so hard to build, a progressive country that happens to lie in the heart of Africa. I know that you believe in fighting against social injustice, and this bill would be just that: a grave injustice against the LGBT people. To me and my conscience, I could not allow this to go on without protest.
Mr. President, you have built up a very beautiful country, one I would love to visit and experience. Unfortunately, I would not be able to be as safe as possible if the bill passed because of my sexuality, and neither would the people who already live in Uganda. This bill would destroy the harmony you have fought to bring through your administration. I realize that this bill has its justifications, one of them being a call for HIV/AIDS control, but I do not believe that this legislation is the best way to bring it under control. Killing off the homosexual people would not solve the problem presented by the virus. Indeed, it may only stress the situation to a breaking point. As an AIDS-awareness activist, I fear that it would only negate all the progress you have made in the fight against HIV/AIDS.
I applaud you, Mr President, in the transformations you have enacted on your people and your country. I sincerely applaud the efforts you have taken, the great lengths you have gone to in order to better yourself and the people around you, but I believe that the Anti-Homosexuality Bill 2009 would only undermine all your great work and turn back the clock on your administration.
Very truly yours,
Lauren
Juneau, Alaska, USA
