Articles by E. Ross
E. Ross is the founder of Bent Alaska.
Former Alaskan speaks to Pentagon on DADT and gay partners
The GOP blocked Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell in the Senate, but the Pentagon’s Working Group is continuing their study of the policy and recently met with the gay and lesbian partners of military members, including a former Alaskan.
Brad O. Haling (not his real name) is the partner of an active duty gay service member. On September 16, he spoke to the Pentagon about the burden of DADT on partners and families, at the first ever Pentagon meeting with gay and lesbian family members. Bent Alaska is grateful to “Brad” for speaking to the Pentagon and sharing this experience with us. – Editor
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– Written by guest blogger Brad O. Haling (a pseudonym)
Last month, I was asked by Servicemembers United if I would be interested in meeting with the Pentagon’s Comprehensive Review Working Group to discuss GLTBQ partner issues in relation to the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy. Despite the fact that I have devoted considerable time and energy to the repeal effort, I almost said no.
Any partner of a LGBTQ servicemember learns to deal with a heavy dose of invisibility and isolation. Because of DADT, we cannot participate in any manner of our servicemember’s regular military life. We can’t be known to any of our partner’s military friends or colleagues. We can’t be seen as a couple anywhere near base, or anywhere we might bump into fellow servicemembers.
When our soldier deploys, we can’t be there with the rest of the families to say our goodbyes. We then have to censor all of our communications while they are at war – trying so hard to coach them through that hell while having to sound like just a “friend”; even inventing crazy code words to say “I love you.”
And when they finally come home, we have to hide off in a corner somewhere so that no one will witness our tearful reunion.
While our servicemember is deployed, we are not on the military’s contact list should something bad happen. None of the base’s myriad support services apply to us. More often than not, we cannot even find support with other LGBTQ partners, because we have little means of meeting up with each other.
We live with the constant fear that one little slip-up can ruin the career of the person we love, and that their dreams of service will end in public humiliation and disgrace. It was that fear that almost prevented me from going to the Pentagon.
But I was more afraid that this might be our one and only chance to offer our perspective to the CRWG – our only chance share the impact of DADT on LGBTQ families. So, on September 16th, 12 of us nervously boarded a bus and headed to the Pentagon. (Meeting us there were three partners from SLDN, accompanied by two of their lawyers. A third organization had been invited to attend, but declined to send representation.)
Our group of partners had met beforehand to plot out a unified message (the other groups were invited, but did not attend.) We had decided that the most important thing to us all was simply to lift the constant burden of fear of discovery and discharge from the shoulders of our servicemembers. As the loving partners of some very dedicated soldiers, our utmost concern was for their immediate welfare – we were not doing this solely for a ‘benefits grab.’
And indeed, when it was our turn to speak, that is exactly how we started the meeting. But we then stressed that, if our partners were present, they would tell the Pentagon that they want their families to be taken care of. (Things seemed a bit tense at first, as I’m not sure they didn’t think we might start out by jumping up on the table while chanting slogans and clutching protest signs.)
One woman in our group represented 11 other GLBTQ partners who were to afraid to attend the meeting. She stated how those eleven families represented a combined 324 years of military service (and counting), had 12 children and 7 grandchildren – many of who had themselves enlisted in the military. She talked about how their kids had to lie in school, so that their parents wouldn’t be outed.
We wondered out loud how many straight servicemembers would reenlist if their families were denied all of the benefits they currently enjoy. We asked the Working Group to walk a mile in our shoes, and imagine what it would be like to say goodbye to their families every morning and then have to pretend that they didn’t exist for the rest of the day (even while listening to every last detail of the lives of your fellow servicemembers.) We told them that GLBTQ military families go through every one of the rigors associated with PCSs, deployments, etc., but without any of the support afforded to straight families; we’ve learned to do it all on our own.
All in all, the meeting lasted 110 minutes, and then continued for another 15 minutes in smaller groups as we prepared to leave. Our partners were thanked for their service, and we were officially thanked for our role in supporting them (the shock of hearing this spoken at the Pentagon still hasn’t worn off…) I feel we were able to have a substantive discussion of the issues affecting LGBTQ servicemembers and their families, and that we gave the Working Group a new perspective to consider. Rest assured that we DO have allies at the Pentagon, yet I am unsure how that will translate into immediate relief for us.
If you are a partner of a GLBTQ servicemember, Servicemembers United has developed www.militarypartners.org as a means of outreach. There are links to support services, and a Forum for discussion of partner issues (deployments, PTSD, DADT news, etc.)
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Brad said they would be happy to return and discuss this further, but the Pentagon has not contacted them, and the partners do not have plans to meet with any other military entity. This might be their only chance to be heard, and they were brave enough to take it.
You can follow the story of “Brad” and his partner at Servicemembers United, where he blogs as gaysoldiershusband.
Fairbanks ex-Air Force sergeant sues Rapid City, SD
Attorneys for Jene Newsome of Fairbanks, Alaska are suing the city of Rapid City, South Dakota for lost wages and retirement benefits because the Rapid City police outed her to officials at Ellsworth Air Force Base after serving a warrant to her spouse. Newsome was honorably discharged in January under the military’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, and came home to Fairbanks.
“Given the city of Rapid City’s unwillingness to acknowledge the wrongful and unlawful acts done by Officer (Jeremy) Stauffacher, (Det. Tom) Garinger and other members of the police department, we have no choice but to file a lawsuit against the city of Rapid City in federal court,” [Newsome’s attorney Jeffrey] Fransen said.Newsome’s case first came to light in March, when the American Civil Liberties Union of South Dakota sent a letter to Mayor Alan Hanks alleging the police department had violated Newsome’s privacy and constitutional rights by sharing information about her sexual orientation with Air Force officials.In the March 19 letter, ACLU executive director Robert Doody asked the police department to pay damages and issue an apology to Newsome, along with reprimanding the officers involved in the incident and changing department policy to ban the release of information about military members’ sexuality.The incident in question occurred Nov. 20, 2009, when officers, in the course of serving an out-of-state felony arrest warrant on charges of grand theft for Cheryl Hutson, noticed an Iowa marriage certificate with Hutson and Newsome’s names on it at their home.That detail was included in the police report, a document that Garinger later shared with the Office of Special Investigation at Ellsworth. Stauffacher was also involved in the arrest.Newsome was discharged from the military in January. Under the military’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, service members cannot be asked about their sexual orientation, but evidence of homosexual behavior is grounds for discharge.The ACLU of South Dakota got involved in February, when it filed a formal complaint against the police department for its role in Newsome’s discharge.Police Chief Steve Allender responded with an internal investigation March 19 that concluded no department policy had been violated by providing the police report to base officials. Allender said it was long-standing policy to share information with the Air Force when a service member’s conduct is potentially criminal.
Newsome was not on the warrant and was not being investigated. Her only “crime” was being a lesbian.
“Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” must be repealed!
Free Coming Out Day films for Juneau
October is both LGBT History Month and National Bullying Prevention Month, which is sadly appropriate this year with all the recent gay teen suicides due to bullying.
In addition, National Coming Out Day is on October 11, and the Juneau community is recognizing the day, and the month, by screening two LGBT documentaries, one about families and one about bullying:
Free Films Sunday and Monday, October 10 & 11, at 6 pm, kick-off the new Conscientious Projector Film Series at the Nickelodeon Theater, sponsored by the Juneau Unitarian Universalist Fellowship.
In honor of National Coming Out Day, the October Films are co-sponsored by SEAGLA (SouthEast Alaska Gay and Lesbian Alliance) and PFLAG (Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians and Gays).
** Bullied is the new Southern Poverty Law Center release by an academy award nominee filmmaker documenting a true story of one student’s ordeal at the hands of anti-gay bullies. His story offers inspiration to those fighting harassment. 40 min
** Straight from the Heart interviews a wide cross-section of American parents including a police chief, a Mormon couple, an African American mother, and Bobby Griffith’s mother (the mother of Bobby from Prayers for Bobby) all speaking from the heart about their grown gay and lesbian children. 27 min
Optional discussion following both films. Snacks and admission are free. Donations are appreciated.The Juneau Unitarian Universalist Fellowship meets Sundays at 10 at the corner of Cordova & Foster in West Juneau and is a Welcoming Congregation, welcoming people from every class, nationality, race, gender and sexual orientation. For more information, please visit JUUF online.
The film Bullied is available free to schools from Teaching Tolerance, along with a viewer’s guide. Watch the trailer:
Ellen on bullying and gay teen suicides
Alaskans participated in a national moment of silence on Friday in memory of the LGBT youth lost to suicide in the last few weeks because of anti-gay bullying, including:
Justin Aaberg, 15. Billy Lucas, 15. Asher Brown, 13. Seth Walsh, 13. Tyler Clementi, 18. Raymond Chase, 19.
Our thoughts and prayers are with their families, friends and communities.
What can we do to stop this? For starters, tell the kids in your life that you’ll love them whether they’re gay or straight. Don’t assume that they know this. Teach them to speak up if someone’s being bullied. It’s not play, it’s prejudice, and it kills. If they’re struggling, make sure they know that life gets better, and it’s worth staying around for the good parts. Share national resources like the Trevor Project and local resources like the Identity Hotline and the Gay & Lesbian Community Center.
In the wake of these tragedies as a result of bullying, Ellen DeGeneres recorded the following message, saying “We can’t let intolerance and ignorance take another kid’s life.” Please watch:
Education Dept. recognizes October as LGBT History Month
It’s LGBT History Month! This year, the U.S. Department of Education will recognize October as LGBT History Month, with U.S. Secretary of Education Arne Duncan speaking at the Department’s first LGBT History Month event.
UPDATE: At the event, Duncan made a statement on the recent teen suicides due to bullying. Read it HERE.
“For a community deprived of its history, GLBT History Month teaches heritage, provides role models, builds community, and recognizes extraordinary national and international contributions,” said Ora Alger, LGBTA Employees at ED President, U.S. Department of Education.“GLBT History Month is an educational project,” stated Malcolm Lazin, Executive Director, Equality Forum. “We are delighted to have the U.S. Department of Education recognize and celebrate our community’s history month. We salute GLSEN, GSA Network and Campus Pride for promoting, with Equality Forum, GLBT History Month to over 6,000 high schools and colleges.”
Each day in October, a GLBT icon is featured with a video, biography, bibliography, downloadable images and other educational resources. Here’s a overview of the 31 inspiring icons chosen by the history month project for 2010:
LGBT History Month began in 1994 when Rodney Wilson, a social studies teacher in Missouri who was appalled at the failure of textbooks to address LGBT issues, organized a grass-roots network of teachers and community leaders toward creating a month of celebration that focused on the contributions of LGBT people. October was chosen because it built on already existing traditions such as National Coming Out Day (October 11) and the anniversaries of the first two LGBT marches on Washington in 1979 and 1987.
Each year in October, growing numbers of educators find ways to bring LGBT history into their curricula and school programming, opening up a dialogue that will hopefully lead to ongoing explorations of LGBT issues and a more integrative approach to exploring LGBT themes throughout the school year.
High school and college groups can also enter the 2010 GLBT History Month Exhibit Contest by creating an exhibit and sending in photos. Prizes are awarded for best high school and college exhibits, including air fare and hotel to Philadelphia for the annual Equality Forum conference.
Dan Savage: "It Gets Better"
Savage Love columnist Dan Savage, who spoke to sold out crowds at UAA two years in a row, has a new video project to give hope to gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and queer youth who are harassed for being different and remind them that there is life after high school – and it can be great!
It started when Savage wrote a column about a gay teenager in Indiana who killed himself:
Billy Lucas was just 15 when he hanged himself in a barn on his grandmother’s property. He reportedly endured intense bullying at the hands of his classmates—classmates who called him a fag and told him to kill himself. His mother found his body.
Nine out of 10 gay teenagers experience bullying and harassment at school, and gay teens are four times likelier to attempt suicide. Many LGBT kids who do kill themselves live in rural areas, exurbs, and suburban areas, places with no gay organizations or services for queer kids.
“My heart breaks for the pain and torment you went through, Billy Lucas,” a reader wrote after I posted about Billy Lucas to my blog. “I wish I could have told you that things get better.”
I had the same reaction: I wish I could have talked to this kid for five minutes. I wish I could have told Billy that it gets better. I wish I could have told him that, however bad things were, however isolated and alone he was, it gets better.
But gay adults aren’t allowed to talk to these kids. Schools and churches don’t bring us in to talk to teenagers who are being bullied. Many of these kids have homophobic parents who believe that they can prevent their gay children from growing up to be gay—or from ever coming out—by depriving them of information, resources, and positive role models.
Why are we waiting for permission to talk to these kids? We have the ability to talk directly to them right now. We don’t have to wait for permission to let them know that it gets better. We can reach these kids.
So here’s what you can do: Make a video. Tell them it gets better.
I’ve launched a channel on YouTube—www .youtube.com/itgetsbetterproject—to host these videos. My normally camera-shy husband and I already posted one. We both went to Christian schools and we were both bullied—he had it a lot worse than I did—and we are living proof that it gets better. We don’t dwell too much on the past. Instead, we talk mostly about all the meaningful things in our lives now—our families, our friends (gay and straight), the places we’ve gone and things we’ve experienced—that we would’ve missed out on if we’d killed ourselves then.
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We can’t help Billy, but there are lots of other Billys out there—other despairing LGBT kids who are being bullied and harassed, kids who don’t think they have a future—and we can help them.
They need to know that it gets better. Submit a video. Give them hope.
Dan Savage and his husband Terry talk about being bullied in high school for being gay and how their lives got so much better as adults:
Do you have a good story to tell about how life got better for you as an adult? They want to hear your story of How It Got Better!
It would be great to get some more videos that include more than one person. Gay couples, groups of friends, straight people and their gay friends. And we have lots of videos from folks who are focusing on what they suffered—which absolutely should be touched on. But it would be great to see some more videos that give young gay kids a picture of the lives they could make for themselves if they just hang in there… So if you decide to make a video, don’t just share your pain. Share your joy too.
There are dozens of videos listed as favorites on the It Gets Better YouTube site, and now cities are joining the project.
San Francisco was the first city to respond with an “It Gets Better” video. Check it out:
If you’re in Alaska and you make an “It Gets Better” video, please send the link to Bent Alaska so I can post it here as well.
There’s a big beautiful world out there waiting for you. It gets better. Trust me.
Anti-Gay Michele Bachmann endorses Joe Miller *more video*
The Joe Miller campaign has uploaded an endorsement from virulently anti-gay Rep. Bachmann (very far R-MN), his only video endorsement by a member of Congress:
In addition to saying that gays are “a part of Satan,” Bachman also said that being gay is “personal enslavement” and a mental disorder. She spoke out against the federal hate crimes bill protecting gays and lesbians, saying that the bill would protect pedophiles. She thinks it’s “child abuse” to teach that being gay is normal.
Bachmann has ties to a Christian rock band whose lead singer praised conservative Muslim countries for executing gays. Bachmann praised the band, saying, “I thank God that He has given you the strength and the resolve to fight for our timeless values.”
Joe Miller is a lawyer running as Alaska’s GOP candidate for the U.S. Senate, against Democrat Scott McAdams and write-in candidate Sen. Lisa Murkowski. Miller believes that “homosexuality is a sin, and therefore immoral,” and called the Hate Crimes Act passed by Congress last year “the Left’s radical social agenda.”
Miller is also endorsed by Sarah Palin.
Check out this brilliant parody of Bachmann:
What will you lose if the anti-gays win?
A new video project from the Gay and Lesbian Victory Fund asks LGBT Americans, “What will you lose?” if the social conservatives get their way.
Anti-gay extremists are growing louder. But they don’t just want to stop progress, they want to roll it back.If they win, they’ll kick brave troops out of the military, stop partner visitation rights in hospitals and prevent gays and lesbians from adopting kids who need loving homes.They’ll make sure its legal to fire us for being gay or transgender.Some have even said it’s time to criminalize homosexuality itself.If they win, what will you lose?
Record your answer and upload it, and pledge to support pro-LGBT candidates in the November election.
Had enough? Take action!Tell us in a 15-second video what YOU would lose if the extremists win. Upload your video to this site and tell your friends and family to watch it and watch other videos from LGBT Americans and their allies.ORSign the pledge and tell your friends and family what you’d lose if anti-gay extremists win this November. Pledge to support candidates this November who speak openly and honestly about the LGBT community. To counter the lies and hate spread by anti-gay extremists and the campaigns they’re dumping millions of dollars into across the country.Make sure the people who love you know what will happen if we don’t keep fighting.Make sure they know what you’ll lose.
Watch the promo video:
Court rules Air Force must reinstated lesbian major
While Congress plays politics with DADT, the courts move steadily toward overturning the ban.
On Friday afternoon, U.S. District Judge Ronald Leighton ruled that the Air Force violated the constitutional rights of Maj. Margaret Witt, and ordered that the highly decorated flight nurse be reinstated. During the six-day trial, the military failed to prove that firing her helped to achieve its goals, including unit morale. In fact, the evidence showed that morale suffered only because of her suspension and discharge.
This is the second court ruling this month declaring Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell unconstitutional. On Sept 9, another federal judge ruled that DADT is unconstitutional because it violates the 1st and 5th Amendment rights of gay and lesbian soldiers.
Major Witt was on The Rachel Maddow Show discussing her case a few hours after the ruling:
Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy
McAdams on DADT *update*
Scott McAdams, Mayor of Sitka, former school board member and Alaska’s Democratic candidate for U.S. Senate, confirmed that he opposes Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, and would have voted for the repeal. In addition, he sent this statement:
“At a time when the U.S. has 50,000 troops on the ground and is still fighting a war in Afghanistan, it’s irresponsible to exclude any skilled, combat-ready troops from service. Individuals who are willing to sacrifice their lives for their country don’t deserve to be discriminated against.” – SCOTT McADAMS
It’s a mild statement, but not bad for a democrat running in an independent/red state. Now we have a real choice for senate. Instead of waiting for the magic opinion polls to tell us who has the best chance of beating Joe Miller – and hoping they’re right – we can unite behind a candidate who will actually vote for equality and fairness.
UPDATE: Check out the newer, stronger McAdams statement on DADT, answer #3 on his questionnaire for Daily Kos, where he is a highlighted Orange to Blue candidate. Guess his campaign got the message that DADT is an easy one.
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When Lisa didn’t show up for the big senate vote on Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell this week, her campaign manager confirmed that she would have voted against the repeal if she’d been there. The GOP voted as a block to prevent DADT from even being debated, just like they’re blocking the other changes we voted for: no honesty for gays and lesbians in the military, no gay families included in immigration reform, no fairness at work, no marriage, no healthcare, no rights.
We called Lisa, filled her voicemail box with messages for the repeal of DADT, gave her a chance to be Alaska’s moderate candidate. She choose partisan politics – for the party that rejected her – over doing what 75% of Americans know is right and fair.
DADT is likely to come up for another vote in the U.S. Senate, either in December or next year.
Scott McAdams knows what is fair, and will vote to protect our troops from discrimination. Please get to know him and spread the word.
