by Danny Ashton Earll

The recent death of Mya Dale has brought suicide to the forefront of our minds. Suicide continues to be a risk in our community. We need to talk honestly about suicide and how to prevent it.

Let’s talk about suicide. Society makes it seem like such a taboo topic but that is probably why we don’t know much about it — or at least a lot of people don’t know about it. For those who have never been in the depths of despair and anguish and never contemplated or attempted suicide, they really don’t know. Yes, suicide is a scary topic and a very sad one, but it is a conversation that needs to happen and in our community, it needs to happen often.

With the suicide of a good friend, Mya Dale, the topic has been at the forefront of our minds. There are so many questions whizzing through our brains and sometimes we have a difficult time making it through the day. I didn’t hear of Mya’s passing until several days later and found out via Facebook when at an acting class. There was no leaving my personal problems at the door that day, and I had to leave. I went to the memorial held at UAA and watched as many friends and strangers conversed over one lovely young woman who was gone from us too soon. We mourn the loss of our beloved friend, but Mya was an activist and if she were here, she’d kick into action to try and help others. That is the message we have to take from her passing.

As someone who has attempted suicide (10 times in high school, twice in college, and once last year) I can attest to the emotional upheaval and loss of rational thought that occurs during these times. I never thought I’d see the day when a friend took their own life — I always thought I would be the one to die. Mya’s death struck me hard with the one question, “why did it work for her but not for me?” I am not suicidal, but rather want to know why someone else was allowed to die. I figured it hadn’t worked for me so many times for one reason or another that it wouldn’t work for anyone, and I figured wrong. The questions that buzz through my head however, I’m sure are buzzing in the mind of all who knew her.

One of the biggest questions surrounding suicide is, “why.” Why would someone take their own life? Sadly, this question will go unanswered. Even when a note or explanation is left behind, it would never reveal everything that led the individual to take their life — trust me, I’ve left plenty of notes. No one will ever know what drove our friend to her death, but we can take comfort in knowing that she is at peace and no longer hurting. Accepting that we will never know and being okay with that is a huge step in dealing with the loss of a loved one.

Another question is “how?” I’ve asked this question to myself until I came to realize that it didn’t matter because no matter what, my friend was gone. The truth is, we don’t need to know. We have to stop focusing on the unanswered questions and focus on what we do know. We know that Mya loved; she loved deeply and was passionate about the world around her. Mya gave everything she had to a cause she believed in. If you had Mya as a friend, you had someone who would be there for you no matter what. Mya was determined, proud, accomplished, driven, passionate, and a bright light to the world. These are the things we need to remember. Remember the girl with the giant smile, not the girl who showed weakness in only one moment of her whole 21 years of life. This is our time to come together and remember the good times we had with Mya. This is the time to build friendships and bond over a common tragedy. It’s a time to grow within our community and work towards loving each other as Mya loved all of us.

Unfortunately things don’t end with Mya. Suicide is a very real risk, especially in our community. According to the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association (2001), 35% of gay, lesbian, and bisexual youth attempt suicide while 54% of Trans-identified youth report at least one suicide attempt. Add that to Alaska having the highest suicide rate in the country at 21.8 per 100,000 people (Alaska Bureau of Vital Statistics), we have a duty to protect our youth and talk openly about suicide and work diligently to prevent it. Sadly, after the death or suicide of a loved one, others can follow. The suicide doesn’t affect just that person, it affects all who knew them and associated with them.

I bet there are others out there who are wondering if suicide would be a good choice — the answer my friends, is no. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem and there are people who are here to help. I am not ashamed to admit that I called the 24-hour suicide hotline right after finding out about Mya’s death. I needed someone to talk to about it. I needed someone to understand without judging me. I wish it were as simple as a phone call to fix everyone’s problems, but it can be a step. Just because one person is gone, doesn’t mean we should lose more of our precious loved ones.

If you or a loved one are contemplating suicide, I would urge you to seek help. There are resources out there. Do not be ashamed for having the thoughts or even having attempted. In order to get better, we have to be open and reach out our hand. If you are struggling with thoughts of depression or suicide please contact one of the following resources and know that you are not alone. This is a time for us to come together and love — not a time to separate and hurt.

• Alaska 24-hour Suicide Hotline (907) 563-3200
• Crisis Line 1-800-273-8255
• GLBTQ Specific 1-866-4-U-Trevor (488-7386)
• www.yspp.org (Youth Suicide Prevention Program)