by Melissa S. Green | interview with Jason Ingram

Jason Ingram was a  young adult Christian in Anchorage when he sought help in dealing with his same-sex attractions through Christian recovery groups and “ex-gay” ministries. He returns to Anchorage to tell his story on Friday, June 1 at Out North. An Alaska Pride Fest 2012 event.

Jason Ingram now identifies as Christian and Gay. But in 2001, he was a committed young Christian who was confused and ashamed of his attraction to men, and he sought help through various Christian “recovery” groups and ex-gay ministries.  He shared part of his story on Bent Alaska in September 2008 (see also his full story) even as the “ex-gay” conference Love Won Out sponsored by Focus on the Family and Exodus International was being held at Anchorage’s Abbott Loop Community Church.

Jason’s show next Friday, about his damaging experiences in the anti-gay church culture in Anchorage, comes on the heels of another major setback to the “ex-gay” movement: last week’s repudiation by Dr. Robert L. Spitzer of his widely-cited 2003 study on the effectiveness of so-called “reparative therapy” to “cure” homosexuality.  Spitzer’s disavowal of the 2003 study demolished the last shred of scientific “proof” that such therapies, by whatever name one chooses to call them by — reparative therapy, “exgay” therapy, conversion therapy — have lasting efficacy. As reported by the New York Times:

… Dr. Spitzer could not control how his study was interpreted by everyone, and he could not erase the biggest scientific flaw of them all, roundly attacked in many of the commentaries: Simply asking people whether they have changed is no evidence at all of real change. People lie, to themselves and others. They continually change their stories, to suit their needs and moods.

By almost any measure, in short, the study failed the test of scientific rigor that Dr. Spitzer himself was so instrumental in enforcing for so many years.

Jason Ingram brings his own witness.  He was happy to answer a few questions in advance of his presentation at Out North next Friday.

Bent Alaska: The version of your story we excerpted at Bent Alaska in September 2008 focused mainly on your experiences at the live-in program Pure Life Ministries (PLM) in Kentucky. But your full story also has a lot about a Christian 12-step program for male sex addicts that you attended off-and-on in Anchorage. I was very surprised at the behavior of leaders in the group you were part of, which seemed very unlike any 12-step meeting I’ve ever been to — for example, negative criticism, the control leaders seemed to believe they should have over you.  Are you familiar with 12-step groups like Alcoholics Anonymous, Al Anon, or other groups?  How do they compare with the group you were part of?

Jason Ingram: I have visited some genuine 12-step meetings and know that their format is very effective. The men’s groups I mention in my story claim to be more biblically based, and are not associated with groups like AA. Not having this accountability from these established recovery groups, these religious leaders seemed to be able to use whatever tactic they wanted while “using” the 12 steps. I think some leaders are drawn to this kind of format because it gives them opportunities to lord over others, although some had various degrees of sincerity.

After someone shares about their week, others can give negative feedback, and even accusations if they feel like that person is lying, minimizing their story or if they are too proud if they look like they are doing good. I started realizing that my problems were more about mental health issues but I was directed by the sexual addiction groups not to go to the depression support group, but to focus on their groups. The demands were very unrealistic and I could not challenge or confront leaders because I was considered to be living in sin, and it seemed like I was very low in this sort of “pecking order”.

Bent Alaska: Michael Johnston, a self-described “reformed homosexual,” used to run an ex-gay ministry in Anchorage called Kerusso Ministries that folded sometime around 2002.  You got some counseling through Kerusso Ministries around that time.  Can you tell us a little about your experience there?

[Note: Michael Johnston, a former resident of Anchorage, was diagnosed as HIV positive in 1986. Shortly after converting to Christianity at the Anchorage Baptist Temple, he founded the ex-gay ministry Kerusso Ministries, and by 2000 had become a prominent national leader in the ex-gay movement; he was featured in the “ex-gay” film “It’s Not Gay” promoted by the American Family Association.  Shortly after some observers noticed that Kerusso Ministries seemed to have disappeared, it was revealed in 2003 that Johnston had been cruising men online under the pseudonym “Sean” and had engaged in unprotected sex with other men without revealing his HIV status. He then entered Pure Life Ministries  — the same live-in program in rural Kentucky that Jason attended for a year — where Johnston remains today as the Director of Donor and Media Relations, now using the name Mike Johnston.]

Jason Ingram: In the 1990’s, I often listened to Michael Johnston’s radio show, “Truth Under Fire” which was produced  (as far as I can remember) on the campus at Anchorage Baptist Temple and focused on anti-gay news. It contained such stories as how to respond to openly gay Christians and mentioned a lot about Michael’s story. I sought help from Kerusso Ministries and spoke regularly to a counselor at their west coast office. Within just a matter of months, the ministry folded because of Johnston’s hypocrisy being exposed and I did not find out what happened until I saw his name on a prayer list for staff when I started straight camp.

The anti-gay progaganda video, “It’s Not Gay” still appears to be in circulation, and featured Mr. Johnston as one of the main contributors. I was lent this VHS from the Prodigals Anchorage group in 2004 and it troubled me because of how sensationalist it was.

During the year I was associated with Pure Life Ministries, I had a handful of times I got to speak with Michael, and I have told others that he seemed like one of the saddest people I have ever met. My hope for him is that he would admit that the ex-gay movement does not work; because even though he publicly apologized for living a double life (running his own ex-gay ministry while having unprotected sex with men who did not know he was HIV positive) he is still undermining the LGBT community by working for an organization like Pure Life. I wish I could have been able to really have a heart talk with him, because he knew that I was from Anchorage, and followed his work and ministry over the years; however, he seemed so closed off to me.

I personally believe that the reason why the ex-gay life seems to work for Mr. Johnston, is that he is under such strict surveillance. I know how PLM works, and it is nearly impossible to sneak out and have another life while working with them. My heart goes out to him though, I don’t see him as much as a victimizer but more of a victim of the deception that conservative religious culture propagates, and a victim of the HIV epidemic.

Bent Alaska: Was there a moment of truth for you in reconciling your strong Christian faith with your gay identity, or did it come about gradually? Can you describe it?

Jason Ingram: After I attempted suicide a year after starting straight camp, it seemed like my Christian friends and leaders turned their back on me. If it was not for the support of a loving Christian partner and LGBT-affirming churches, I would have gone crawling back to anti-gay church groups, or quite possibly succeeded in taking my life. I also spent several weeks in prayer, soul searching, journaling and word studies in the New Testament.

Bent Alaska: What is the most important thing you would like to say to young people struggling with same-sex attractions that are in conflict with what their faith leaders have taught them?

Jason Ingram: This is the simple advice that I give to Christians who I know that are still trapped in the ex-gay movement: Follow Jesus.

Identity Thieves: June 1 at Out North

Jason’s show Identity Thieves: Surviving the Ex-Gay Movement will be the first time Jason has spoken out publicly about his damaging and abusive experiences in Alaska. Come see art, video clips, hear provocative stories and participate in discussions about surviving anti-gay church culture in the Anchorage area. His show is a concurrent event of Alaska Pride Fest 2012.

• Date/time: Friday, June 1, 6:30 PM
• Location: Out North Contemporary Art House, 3800 DeBarr Road, Anchorage (see map)
• Cost of admission: Free of charge. Bring a dish of food for the potluck!
• Further info: see Facebook events page

References

• 17 Jan 2007. “The Newly Refurbished Michael Johnston” by Timothy Kincaid (Ex-Gay Watch).
• 14 Sep 2008. “Jason: An ex-gay survivor from Alaska tells his story” by Jason Ingram (Bent Alaska).
• 2008. “My ‘Ex-Gay’ Story: Jason’s Complete Narrative For Beyond Ex-Gay” by Jason Ingram (LGBT Friendly Prayer Site).
• 19 May 2012. “Psychiatry Giant Sorry for Backing Gay ‘Cure’” by Benedict Carey (New York Times).
• “Senior Leadership” Pure Life Ministries website.

Photos courtesy Jason Ingram.

See Bent Alaska’s complete Anchorage Pride Week 2012 calendar.