With Annie Muse’s poem “Twirl,” Bent Alaska is pleased to continue featuring the creative writing of LGBTQA Alaskans.

Twirl

by Annie Muse

Today, I welcomed back my little girl.
She’d been chased off so many years ago.
I had had glimpses of her in more recent times,
and occasional greetings, so warm and joyous.
But today I was finally able to welcome her back.

Some have said that their little girl was beat out of their little boy. ^[1]
But mine wasn’t ever beaten.
Intimidated. Afraid.
Starved and chased off better describes it.
Shamed.

And yet, she stayed there all along.
So quiet, so gentle in spirit,
just waiting, waiting, ever waiting for her time –
her time once more.

She would call out to me.
And when I was young she often led me,
she is a delight to know, you know…

Later, I again heard her Voice.

I was twenty three years old.
How could I accept her? She certainly didn’t match my parts.
So I made arrangements to kill her but was stopped by the State of California.  In the corner of the kitchen floor, armed with a butcher knife and leaning against the fridge does not make for the ideal situation when you’re making life and death decisions.  Just sayin’.

… have I ever told you how much she liked to twirl?
And to run? Oh, she loved to run.
But twirling…. she so loved to twirl.
Sometimes she would twirl and twirl and twirl
until we fell to the ground, laughing
and dizzy….

And now she longs to be called back into the dance
And to know a right forearm against
her hip, a right hand in his left, our eyes sparkling mirrors.

Tonight my right foot steps back, giving way to his left leg’s stride,
first back, then left, back, away,
a hand on his shoulder,
my right foot across to meet my left as my virgin heels click together,
and together, floating,
so light,
flowing,
clouds.

— Annie Muse

[January 31, 2010]

[1]  see Eve Ensler’s The Vagina Monologues, “They beat the Girl out of my Boy — or so they tried.”  Quote: “As part of Eve’s work to include the voices of all women who face violence, she interviewed a diverse group of transwomen in preparation for creating this piece. This piece was performed for the first time by an all transgender cast in LA in 2004.”

Poem © 2010 Annie Muse. Photo by Frank Kovalchek (Alaskan Dude on Twitter). Used in accordance with Creative Commons licensing.