by Christopher Constant

The time comes when Bent Alaska must move forward bearing our sadness over James Crump’s death on June 25 and getting back to our core business of sharing information and serving as an information hub for Alaska’s LGBTA communities. But first, I’d like to share some of the information I learned about healing from grief and trauma.

I am personally beginning to move beyond my sadness. Surely we will all progress in our own time and our own manner. There are people out there who need to spend more time working on their sadness. There are others who are having a difficult time moving on and feel “crazy” for not being able to do so.

The effects of this event will reverberate throughout the community for a long time.

First, please know that I am not a trained mental health professional.  Anything I write is based on my opinion and experience; not professional training.  Professional help is available locally. If you or someone you know has been affected by the tragedy at the Pride parade in Anchorage, please be reminded that generous support has been offered by our allies in the community. You can get more information by calling the Gay & Lesbian Community Center of Anchorage at (907) 929-GLBT, (907) 929-4528. You can also call the UAA Psychological Services Center (907) 786-1795.

Also, Identity, Inc. has announced that Dr. Eric Gentry of  Compassion Unlimited will give a presentation next Wednesday evening at St. Mary’s Episcopal Church on being okay after experiencing trauma: how to take care of yourself, not shut down, and stay engaged; and how to help others by listening and being present as they tell their story. The event is hosted by St. Mary’s, Integrity, and Identity, Inc. Light refreshments will follow.

• Date/time: Wednesday, June 13, 7–8 PM
• Cost of admission: No cost.
• Location: Waldron Hall, St. Mary’s Episcopal Church, 2222 East Tudor Road, Anchorage. St. Mary’s is at the corner of Lake Otis and Tudor Road up on the hill (2222 East Tudor Road); see the map. Waldron Hall is not the Sanctuary, but the big room to the right as you walk in the front doors from the church’s front entrance.
• Further info: Identity, Inc. website or Dr. Eric Gentry’s website

The American Psychological Association’s Tips for understanding and recovering from trauma

The American Psychological Association has provided a detailed tipsheet on understanding and recovering from trauma. The information is really useful, but is of limited benefit to someone experiencing acute trauma.  In the end, it is just words on a page. Words on a page can be awfully difficult to absorb when your mind is still trying to process what you experienced. That’s why meeting with a professional or sharing what you are feeling with people who care about you and who can listen with empathy is so important in these times.

We all have individual reactions to traumatic events. In general, a traumatic event is something that threatens our own life or sense of security, and the tragic death of James Crump was a traumatic event by any definition.

Recognizing trauma in yourself and others

Several psychologists have attempted to categorize and provide a framework for understanding our reactions to trauma. One of those frameworks is referred to as the Fight or Flight or Freeze Response, and it gives us an idea of what to expect from ourselves and others following a traumatic event.  Having sat through a handful of therapeutic gatherings, I can summarize these typical responses as follows:

Fight: I understand this one best, as it is the one I most squarely fall into.  From the outside, it looks like a busy-body response.  This person dives fully into their work.  This can be really healthy if the individual allows themselves to deal with the emotional chaos that arises and doesn’t bury the tangled emotion by staying completely focused on work. It is important to strike a balance between daily living, work, and emotional processing. If this is you, keep working, but also allow yourself to feel the pain.  It’s okay to cry while you are shuffling piles of paper. However, it may not be enough to just cry as you shuffle papers. In many instances, one might be encouraged to intentionally set aside time to NOT work and allow oneself some quiet, uninterrupted to time to fully come to an understanding of how they have been affected. If you see this in a friend who is dealing with this, it never hurts to put your hand on their shoulder, look them in the eyes, and suggest to them that they stop, breathe, and take a moment.  Some symptoms this person might experience are intrusive thoughts about the incident and panic attacks if they do not allow themselves time to process their response. If you or they start to notice changes in their usual behavior or emotions, they should probably seek some professional assistance to work through their experience.

Flight: I understand this one pretty well too.  The response of retreating and hiding is one I use a lot in other areas of my life.  If I weren’t so involved, my likely response to this whole trauma, shock, therapy cycle would likely be to run and hide.  Phyllis at Identity made me promise that I would deal with this part of the process immediately.  I have followed through on that commitment.  Measured by the number of people who actually showed up, there are a great number of people in this category who plan to just ride this storm out on their own; running away, hiding, or even burying their suffering in a bottle of whatever.  I think this one is the most challenging for a friend to address when they see it in someone they love.  Just try telling me to do something when I am in this place.  Good luck and watch out. That said, still the best way to help is to stay connected and to help your friend find ways of stepping back into life.  Some symptoms this person might experience include a loss of interest in things they used to enjoy, fatigue, lack of motivation, difficulty concentrating…all which could be signs of depression, which can spiral downward pretty quickly. The best course of action for someone experiencing these things would be to reach out to a professional.

If you find yourself with someone that seems to be in this mode, I have been told that it isn’t very helpful to tell someone “It’ll be okay” or some other patronizing phrase meant to lighten the mood.  Instead, one might consider simply listening and validating that however your friend or loved feels is important.

Freeze: I understand this one least of all, but did see one perfect example of it this week. A friend told me “I don’t know what happened.  I just froze up.  I can’t remember any of it.  I can’t do anything.”  I was told that the Freeze response is a subset of the Flight response.  It is a retreat into the mind.  To be frozen is to be unable to act.  This one is pretty easy to identify.  Some symptoms might include not wanting to talk about the incident, withdrawing socially, panic attacks, nightmares…And again, while I am no clinician, if you notice a friend or loved one responding this way, especially as time moves inexorably onward, I think the best response is to continue to be present and gently invite them back to living.  You can do simple things.  Ask your friend to go for a walk or to get something to eat.  Those acts of daily living are the rituals of our lives that may suddenly seem meaningless to someone who is in distress.

Now what’s to be done?

But this event has impacted a great deal more people than those who witnessed the incident.  And it is impossible for any organization or individual to reach out and find all those who are suffering.  I personally feel saturated with living through tragedy so I am readying to return to the fight for equality and social justice.  Before moving on, here are likely my final words addressing this grief and sadness. I issue this call to each of you.

Be there for yourself first.  And then be there for your friends and family that need you most right now.  As they say in the airplane as you are beginning to taxi, should the oxygen masks fall, please secure your own before helping those around you.  In this manner, if you find yourself dealing with this stress over time, seek help for yourself.  Help is available.  And as you work on your own healing process, be mindful of those in your close circle who were part of this nightmare.  Gently encourage them to seek help if you are concerned about their degree of support. In order to do so, you might want to familiarize yourself with what resources are available, seek therapy for yourself which will model the process for others and help you how to support loved one.

How long do I have to deal with this?

Reactions to trauma can be delayed, perhaps for months, so just because someone feels “fine” now does not mean they will continue to feel “fine” over time. So, continue checking in with people in the upcoming weeks and months; continue checking in with yourself. Monitor your behavior, thoughts and feelings. If they start to change drastically, you may be having a delayed response.

All of the responses described above distract folks from dealing with the difficult emotions that can result from experiencing a traumatic event. If carried to an extreme, they can all be dangerous, because they prevent us from creating a meaningful understanding of what we have experienced, and that can result in psychological distress.

A special concern

Painstaking efforts have been made to identify all of the individuals who witnessed the tragedy of the Pride Parade.  Most everyone involved who witnessed the event has been contacted and at least invited to participate in the healing effort. A lot of folks have sought treatment on their own.

Personally, I am most concerned about those individuals who isolate themselves from others to deal with their grief.  We can’t see how they are suffering and provide necessary support. Over the upcoming weeks, please make an effort to notice if people are absent from regular activities and check in on them if you have not seen them recently. Sometimes, people don’t know how to ask for help, so don’t wait for them to reach out to you. You can make the difference.

Once again, for specific guidance and more information about recognizing and dealing with issues related to trauma please consult the tipsheet from the American Psychological Association.  And if you have further questions, don’t hesitate to call Identity Inc. for guidance.  If you or someone you know has been affected by the tragedy at the Pride parade in Anchorage, please be reminded that generous support has been offered by our allies in the community.

You can get more information by calling the Gay & Lesbian Community Center of Anchorage at (907) 929-GLBT, (907) 929-4528. Or you can call the Psychological Services Center at UAA (907) 786-1795.