Former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee and a boatload of holy rollers are cruising southeast Alaska this summer, hot on the trail of two lesbian cruises. Well, maybe. Huckabee says he’s coming to Alaska, but the closing image of the tour’s video ad shows what happens when flat-earthers try to navigate a round world:

Huh.

Lesbian travel companies Olivia and Sweet are both hosting Alaska cruises in May, and Huckabee’s cruise is plying those same waters two weeks later “to educate and empower God’s army against the onslaught of the Enemy,” according to the owner of Paradise Tours and Travel, which is offering the Huckabee cruise.

Three guesses who the Enemy is. Need a hint? Watch this video of Huck spouting fire and brimstone campaign rhetoric (sounds like he’s running, doesn’t it?) at the Rediscover God In America Conference a few weeks ago. He praised the Iowa audience for taking down the judges that granted marriage equality in their state:

Yes, he’s coming to Sarah Palin’s old stomping grounds – she must have spent a few days in the capitol – to steal votes from her supporters. Tacky.

Good thing he isn’t coming during Lesbian Cruise Week. He would get told!

The Sweet Alaska Cruise “Sweeties” will be in Juneau on the evening of May 17, aboard the Norwegian Pearl.

Olivia’s Alaska Adventure will stop in Juneau on May 22 to see the Alaska State Museum and the Mendenhall Glacier. They’ll be onboard a 62-passenger National Geographic ship, and it’s sold out. They also dock in Sitka, on May 15, for a city tour and a visit to the Raptor Rehabilitation Center.

Huckabee and God’s army on the Sapphire Princess will descend upon Juneau on June 8. Or maybe Nigeria.

The lesbians of Juneau and Sitka may be pleasantly surprised by the lavender tide washing up on their shores in mid-May, but LGBT residents of Juneau will want to avoid the port on June 8. Just in case Huck finds it.