In a week, I will step down as the Imperial Crown Princess of All Alaska, and someone else will step up and begin anew. For a while now I have been regretting this event. It will signify an end to what has been evolving for me in this role, and has exploded into an incredible experience I don’t want to end. A lot of what has unfolded had something, but not everything, to do with being Princess. 

For the past several weeks, I’ve been working like a dog Monday morning through about noon on Friday, then slipping into a skirt and lipstick until the new work week begins. In some ways, it’s an escape from my reality as a male, while in other ways it’s just a pure expression of myself as a multifaceted and talented person. As the years have evolved, what was once a rare Friday night outing in a skirt by myself, has become a fully intergrated part of who I am. The days of changing last minute in some out of the way bathroom are over. Now I’ll leave the house mid-day for the whole world to see and I won’t care. Where I was once paranoid that someone would find out where I lived or who I was ‘out of face’, now it seems the whole world knows. Where I was just another confused cross-dresser, now The Diva April Rains is becoming as prominent as her male counterpart.

I’ve walked through stores and people have complimented me, stood in front of several hundred neighbors, associates and friends as they cheered at the end of “April’s Follies”, spoke with folks who say awesome things about performing in the Friday Night Diva’s show, and stood there humbly as Sherry Vine and Joey Arias acknowledged me during their show. These are all circumstances I never knew I’d get to experience. 

For months now, emails have come in from men in circumstances similar to mine years before, where fear, disgust, self-hatred and confusion rule their lives. They want to get out of their bedrooms and experience the real world. How do they do that? How do they talk with their wives, kids, and friends about their “secret”. They are relieved to know they are not alone, but realize that it’s a journey of self discovery to find who they are at the core of their being. This has little to do with being gay, straight, bi or any need to have sexual re-assignment surgery or take hormones. They have simpler questions, like what bathroom to use at a club, how to cover a beard, where to find shoes and hair, and so much more.

If anything, being the ICP presented a unique route for me to be more open and visible about who I am as a person. It took a role I thought was a “fantasy” and interjected it into dead center of reality. A role where I attended meetings for the corporation of the Court recognized as a female, but blended it with my male experiences to help make real world business decisions. A role where my male community recognition as a builder, fire fighter, dog musher, dad, and partner allowed me to meet with other local business owners and associates as a female, to garner support for a first-ever Valley fundraiser.

As the big weekend draws closer, what I felt was an end is in fact a new beginning. The end of the 16th ICP Reign will occur, as the 17th reign steps up and another very unqiuely talented and creative person hopes to make some positive changes during her reign. While my title as Her Most “Not So Sweet, 16th, Valley Trash, Imperial Crown Princess of All Alaska” will be entered into the lineage of the Court, my title as “The Valley Trash Baroness of Big Lake” will remain … and that’s a title I have yet to develop.