Dissolve

It was as I’d hoped yesterday: the grey was dissolving. Though it took a night’s sleep to really turn the trick. Not quite enough sleep — I’m still pretty tired — but at least I feel more than dead inside now.

Dissolving is very much how it felt, how it often feels when the grey begins to leave. Maybe the pit too, I’m not sure. In either case, though, there’s strong physical sensation that goes with the feeling of unease & depression, especially in the gut/womb area. So when it goes it’s like a mass of some sort being broken up & dissolving away. But I wasn’t certain, having been up later than I’d hoped last night, that it would really go all the way, just because of not enough sleep. Then I woke this morning, hitting the snooze on my Palm (which has acted as my alarm clock for several months now), feeling the weight of Vai, my cat, against me, & I thought, It’s gone. But I didn’t know for sure until I’d been up for awhile, because often I don’t know. Often when it’s still there, I don’t know until I’ve been vertical for some time, & the grey slides back into place. It didn’t today, thankfully.

It’s also like a fever breaking. And with that analogy in mind, I’m taking care not to push myself now anymore than I did yesterday. Fever broken doesn’t mean the ordeal’s over. Still need bed rest. Still, in my case, feel fatigue & the potential to return to grey, if I am unwise.

Not that grey is a bad color, by the way. This is a particular kind of grey… dusty & bleak.

Tonight: vegging out a bit with the TV. The boy, when he returned from his summer/early fall job in King Salmon, turned me into a Battlestar Galactica fan, & now I’ve seen all of Seasons 1 & 2 on DVD, I’m entering the middle of the first half of Season 3 by having upgraded my cable service a couple of evenings ago. Too bad I missed several Season 3 episodes already, but I’ll just have to snatch them in reruns I guess. In the meantime, I’ve caught up on the story by reading episode synopses. But I’m afraid Rozz might come back to a TV addict. Ewwwww.